Choosing Influencers for Our Kids

We live in a world where it can be very hard to discern who the right influencers are for our children.  We also live in a world that will tell us that our kids just have to go out and get used to what culture is like.  I want to share something that I feel is very important that relates directly to that and I will tell you why.  When God gave our children to us, He also gave clear mandates in the Bible of what He expects from us, as parents.  Those mandates were not directed to the teachers or to the aunts and uncles or to the friends; it was to us as parents.  That is because we are expected to be training up our chidlren in the way they should go, not someone else.  Yes, there will be many people who will contribute to our children's upbringing, but I believe that we are the ones who were given the task of shaping their hearts.

I want to encourage you with two things -

Number One:  Take the role of knowing who is influencing your children very seriously because no one else is going to

Number Two:  Don't be afraid of making the right decisions, even if it doesn't make you popular with your kids, your family members or your friends

First of all, why do we need to be so serious about influence?  Because we are molding the eternal souls of the most precious people in the world to us.  When God gave the commands to Israel in Deuteronomy 6, He said that they were to be on our hearts, as parents, FIRST and then He said to, "Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." That is a lot of instructing, but clearly it is to be our job.  In the course of the day our children will come into contact with some, or even many other people, and my question is this - Will the values of those people line up with what you are working hard to teach them?  Depending on the stages of our children, we have much more influence in the early years than later on, but each stage is important.  If we know they are going into challenging situations, we need to talk about it ahead of time and help them think through the "what ifs".  And when they come home from those situations, we need to be available to process how things went and be their accountability. 

Needing accountability is not something that I believe goes away because our children turn "X" years old...King David messed up with another man's wife when he was a grown man, (Bathsheba - II Samuel 11) and didn't even recognize it for what it was until God sent him Nathan, his accountability, and David was known as a man after God's own heart.  It doesn't matter what stage of life our children or ourselves are in, we need accountability - I need it now, you need it now, we all need it.  Until our children are given into marriage with their spouse, unless they choose to set up another system - we are their accountability. 

God gives great wisdom through the Word, over and over, about the importance of choosing good friends.  Share these verses with your children and help them see how WHO they spend time with affects them for the good and the bad.  We have had the privilege of some wonderful people in our children's lives and I watch our children reach and stretch for higher heights because of their influences.  But we have also had to work through people in our children's lives that will pull them down quickly.  Our children have to see that, just as it says in Psalm 1, there is joy for, "Those who don't follow the advice of the wicked or stand around with sinners".

Secondly, why do we have to make hard decisions that don't make us popular?  Because that is our job!  I often don't enjoy directing my kids, as it says in Proverbs, "In the way that they should go," but someone has to.  I don't enjoy being the one to point out negative behaviour after they have spent time with a poor influence, but I need to.  I don't want to have to tell them that they can't go to something they really want to go to, but I will if I think it means protecting their hearts.  I want to clarify that I am not talking about isolating here - I am talking about insulating - there is a big difference.  One response would say, "No," to everything, because that is just what feels safest.  But the other response would say, "Let's talk about that and see what kind of influence it will have on you."  And then be willing to make the right decision regardless of the fallout.

One of the greatest challenges in raising our children, is finding the balance.  It may be different for each child, but I can't think of anything that would be more important to pour my energy into doing.  Don't forget, God knows our children individually and He is ready to give the wisdom we need, when we ask.

How Do You Find Time?

Let's tackle the topic of getting time in the Word, because that can be very hard to do, can't it?  I am going to assume the value is there for you to want to be in the Word but the next question comes - HOW DO YOU FIND TIME?  We live in a society and a generation that often lives beyond the point of healthy balance and life is full of demands that we feel we need to meet.  If you value the importance of being in God's Word but can't seem to find the time, what should you do?

What I want to share with you comes from what I have learned over time and continued to implement, but it has to begin with a question ~ How badly do you want to spend time with God and in His Word?  Because I can tell you all my disciplines and routines, but if you only think it of moderate importance to be reading your Bible, it won't matter to you.  Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek me and find me WHEN you seek me with all your heart."  So if your heart is not yet there, determine to begin the routine of being in the Word regardless of how you "feel" and ask God to increase your desire ~ He will!

Since having babies, which began over thirteen years ago for me, I have realized the increased challenge that comes with carving out time for this most valuable discipline.  When my first babies were little, I began to press in and determine to be in the Word on a daily basis but I felt it had to be early in the morning and with new babies that seemed impossible and I was very discouraged.  Then the Lord showed me something that transformed my ability to take time with Him - it was a first fruits issue.  This means that as I prayed about my frustration of needing to nurse a baby first thing in the morning and how hard it was to find time to be up earlier (especially if I had been up in the night a lot), I felt like God gave me this question to apply to my desire of being in the Word - What was my most precious time of consistent quietness?  And was I willing to give it to Him?  Just like with tithing, when we give the first fruits of our money BEFORE we pay the bills, I felt like God was asking me to give Him my very best time in my day BEFORE I did other things I might like to do with that time.  I applied that starting then, and have never looked back - it has carried me through every stage thus far.

What is unique for me as a mom, is that during different stages, that time slot has changed at various times but because God gave me a clear principle, my time in the Word has remained very consistent.  During the stages in my life so far, when I have had nursing babies, my first fruit time was around 1:00 in the afternoon when everyone was down for naps or a rest.  Now that my youngest is getting older, for the past few years I have turned back to mornings and promising myself to be showered, dressed and in my quiet time spot by 7:00 in the morning.  This is not about law or legalism dictating that I have to do this or God won't love me - He loves you and me regardless of whether we crack open our Bibles at all this week.  BUT if He has strength for me to draw on, a desire to hear my heart and for me to worship Him, wisdom to give me what I need with my children, patience to get me through the exhausting moments - why would I not do whatever it takes to be with Him?

I can promise you that opposition will come against that time; the phone will ring, kids will need you, thoughts of things that seem pressing to accomplish will flood over you - but don't give up!  Keep pressing into the Lord and time with Him.  Don't let the busyness of life and the noise of our environments drown out the One who loves you more than anyone ever could!  He wants to be with you and is waiting to spend time with you.

(Here is a link to an older post in which I share more on this topic - enjoy)  http://www.myheartathome.com/2010/03/why-read-bible.html

Forgetting Mistakes

I came across a scripture verse from Proverbs recently and was greatly impressed by the clarity of direction it gave for me.  The verse is found in Proverbs 17:9 and it says, "Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends." I love the boldness of that truth!  And the applications of it are endless.

My first thought of where to apply that verse was to marriage.  I don't know if you can relate, but I find it much easier at times to forget the mistakes of my children than those of my husband.  Reflecting on this verse, brings the words of an older country song by Garth Brooks to mind.  The song was called "We Bury the Hatchet" and in the song he sings, "It's getting to the point we can't get along, we are always fighting about things that should be dead and gone...We bury the hatchet but leave the handle sticking out...we are always digging up things we should forget about.  When it comes to forgiving, there ain't no doubt, we bury the hatchet but leave that handle sticking out."  I realize that might be more country than most want and there is not a biblical point to his song BUT the application is fantastic.  If we won't fully "bury"or "forgive" or "forget" our husbands' mistakes (or anyone else's for that matter) then we are not walking in the true love that God would call us to be in.  AND the second part of that verse in Proverbs is just as important, if we keep nagging, it can part the best of friends.

The other day I shared a serious and somewhat sorrowful conversation with one of our children, who was asking why so many people don't stay married.  I tried to share a simple answer, so not to burden them with the sad realities of our world, but one of the reasons we discussed included a lack of forgiveness.  It had to! So many people that we have watched walk away from marriage are making the choice because of seemingly petty offenses that they don't feel they can "put up with" any longer.  Then there is the flip side - we have watched the beauty of spouses stay by and work to heal their marriage after incredible tragedy and horrible choices of the opposite spouse.  That brings great joy and inspiration to my heart.

So, what are you finding you are tempted to fight about with your spouse that should be dead and gone?  What handle of which hatchet do you need to stick all the way into the ground and bury for good?  Don't try to suppress frustrations in your own strength - give that specific issue to God, choose to forgive and ask God to heal your heart of the pain.  He will do it!

Start Small ~ While They Are

Have you ever seen an empty toilet paper roll on the holder in your home?  I have in our home - many times.  The good news for me is that I saw empty rolls far more often in the past than I do now and there is a reason for that.  We started our kids with small chores when they were small and they have grown into chores in great ways.  I am quite sure that the fact that I "let" them change the rolls when they really couldn't has equaled not having a struggle to get them to change them now.  If there is an empty roll, they just grab the next roll and switch it.

Not very exciting or inspiring yet, I realize - but I do have a point.  As we allow them to "help" in the early days when we all know, as parents, it is taking much longer than it would if we were working alone, we will find later that they are doing jobs without being told they have to.  Not only will the basic jobs get done, but hopefully they will have learned to go above and beyond what just has to be done and finish well.  It can be done but it takes hard work and consistency on our part.

The other day my husband had to load a piece of machinery on his truck and asked our now thirteen year old to give him a hand.  My husband came in the house later that day and said he stood in awe as he watched our son go beyond what he was asked to do and find the necessary tie downs and ropes and finish the job without instruction.  This is what it is all about - I want our children to not avoid work but embrace it but it needs to start young.  I want them to be like Paul in I Corinthians 4:11 who said, "We work hard with our own hands."  But I have parented long enough to know that it will never happen by accident.  Keep requiring the work and eventually the ability and willingness will follow.  So go show that two year old how to change a roll of toilet paper!

Promises, Promises

I am so glad that we love and serve a God who ALWAYS keeps His promises.  I have been reading through some of His promises lately and I can't help but be thankful and encouraged.  All that we need, for whatever we face, can be found in God and His Word, that assures us of His love and care.

In the classic Mary Poppins movie, there is a quote that represents well what the world thinks of the average promises.  Mary Poppins answers a request for a promise and says, "That is a pie crust promise - easily made and easily broken." It is how we experience many things as we are growing up and that special adult in our life forgets to do something they said they would or a best friend forgets to meet us where they said they were going to or....you get the idea.  BUT not God!  In II Corinthians 1:20 Paul tells us, "No matter how many promises God has made they are YES in Christ."  That means we can go to the bank on what God's Word says for us.

So, what do you need to know to carry you through the time you are in?  Are you lonely?  Then you need to know that God has PROMISED He will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).  Are you overwhelmed with children and housework?  Then you need to know that God has PROMISED that you can do all things through Christ Who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).  Are you depressed?  Then you need to know that God has PROMISED to lift you out of the slimy pit and the mud and mire and set your feet on a rock with a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2).  Do you see what God has made available to us?  But we can't access the richness of His promises if we are not taking time to be in His Word - there is nothing of greater value that will carry you through each day than time spent with God.  Find the time, ask Him to help you make the time, carve out the time and then sit back with Him and just see what He has to PROMISE you!

Growing Strong

We, as parents, all want our children to grow strong, don't we?  But it can often be easy to focus on the outward growth - which is so easy to measure - while forgetting to pour out equal or greater effort for the inward growth.  We need to be reminded again and again that we have been given the privilege to shape hearts that are eternal, not just bodies that will age and die.  What a task this is!

II Peter 3:18 says that we are to, "Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." This is a profitable goal for both ourselves and our children, but how do we go about it?  We are told to grow in grace and knowledge which shows an action that requires effort.  What kind of effort is needed to grow?  Time being in God's Word so we can grow in His truth and in a bigger understanding of who He is.  Time spent in prayer and giving over our desires and concerns to God.  Time spent with other Christians who can build us up in the faith.  Once these actions are occurring in our lives, we will begin to find we have true wisdom and greater life to pass on to our children that will help them grow too.

You have heard the old saying many times, I am sure, but it bears repeating...You can't teach what you don't know and you can't lead where you won't go.  May we be the parents God intends for us to be and rise to the challenge of growth so that we can have something to offer those precious eternal ones that God has placed within our care.