Nail Biting Worries

     Thoughts drifted in the back door of my mind -- totally unaware of the subtle change, I subconsciously began to chew on a fingernail.  A bit later I found myself irritated by a few simple incidents and chewing on the second fingernail.

     Old habits die hard. 

     By supper I had complete mutilated one hand and had started on the second.  What a stupid habit, I chided myself.  It took until bedtime to recognize the cause of my nail biting day -- I'd been worrying.  

     About what?  Nothing of great significance, but those dangerous "little concerns", if allowed to go undetected, can leave me worse off than the big ones.

     Once I recognized what was happening, I began to speak God's truth...God, let your peace, the one that's beyond what I can imagine, GUARD my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)  My heart calmed and my mind fell silent!

     Somehow if my "radar for worry" isn't activated at all times these seemingly unimportant worries can take over and I find myself becoming overwhelmed with life.  I know this isn't the way God wants any of us to live -- but what are we to do?

     I picture a sweet child spinning and twirling with happy delight . . . Jesus was looking out for our best interest when he told us that, "Unless you CHANGE and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  (Matthew 18:3)

     We transform our thinking from that of a stressed adult to that of a carefree child.

     By His strength, not ours, we have to surrender these concerns to Him ~ ONE AT A TIME.  As worries come to our minds, we release them immediately - not ignore the issues; we still have to deal with working things through, but without the worry with which the enemy wants to weigh us down.  No wonder we're told in I Corinthians to take thoughts captive and make them obedient.

     If your mind is simmering with shadows and your thoughts are flying faster than a bird in flight, stop, let go and give God the freedom to work each problem through with you and for you!

"Pile your troubles on God's

shoulders - He will carry your

load, He will help you out."

Psalm 55:22

God & Hurricanes

     Hurricanes -- what an awesome demonstration of power!  What a frightening experience when you are in the middle of one!  Does God know what He's doing when He allows these in our lives?

     Given the significance of all the headlines about the hurricane that is branching along the East Coast of North America, this was a beautiful excerpt from Streams in the Desert today.  

It is very easy for us to speak and theorize about faith, but God often casts us into crucibles to try our gold, and to separate it from the dross and alloy. Oh, happy are we if the hurricanes that ripple life's unquiet sea have the effect of making Jesus more precious. Better the storm with Christ than smooth waters without Him.

What if God could not manage to ripen your life without suffering?


      May you find God in the midst of whatever storms life has brought -- He is there in every moment!

"Then the Lord spoke to
Job out of the storm."

Job 40:6

Try to find a moment to take in this amazing song by Steve Curtis Chapman...
God is God
(click on the words for the link)

You Don't Have to Like Them, You Just Have to Love Them



     Her tired eyes glanced at the floor briefly, before she bravely let the words slip out in a whisper, "I really don't like my child right now."   My heart softened as I tried to reach out to her in that moment.  This precious, beautiful, loving mother was wrestling with emotions that almost every mother can relate to . . .  but most are not bold enough to put into spoken words. 

     We have these images in our heads of "the perfect mom", don't we?  You know, the one who is always patient, always loves her kids, never tires of the arguments or messes -- and some days we drag ourselves around the house, beating ourselves up and just barely surviving our own kids because we don't measure up to someone that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!!!  Did you catch that???  You are normal -- mothering is hard work: we aren't perfect and neither are our kids, so there will likely be days when you really don't want to be in the same house as those little (or bigger) ones.

     What are we to do, as moms, when we find our children have drained every bit of "like" out of us?  We LOVE them!

     Paul, the one who penned the words of God in I Corinthians 13, tells us that, "Love...puts up with anything."  Could God have left any unanswered questions in our minds with a statement like that?  It covers what's expected of us in difficult moments but it also gives hope -- hope because it implies that it's okay if we're not always feeling loving.  

     I'd wager a guess that every mother, at some point, hits a brick wall of exhaustion with at least one of their children.  It's something we hesitate to share, and rightly so (our children would be devastated if they ever heard those words come from us), but during a safe, quiet conversation with a close friend, those words need to be shared.  Something similar to the release of a hot air balloon occurs inside when we confide a secret burden with a caring friend. 

     We can't always "like" our children.  Stages and challenges arise over and over that require sheer determination to keep going, but with God's help, we can keep on loving them.

      The difference between like and love with our children is simple -- the things that they are doing whether in the toddler stage, the preteen stage or late adolescence may drive us crazy and can potentially determine whether we find them easy to be with at that moment; but it doesn't change who they are!  They are our children -- the ones that God has entrusted us to raise, and we can CHOOSE to love them and speak words of blessing and affirmation with God's help, even if our own resources have expired.

    

"(Love) always protects,

always trusts, always hopes,

always perseveres. 

Love NEVER fails."

I Corinthians 13:7&8

Dresses & Muscles

     Girls twirl and dresses flow . . . Boys flex and muscles bulge -- is this not the way it's always been?  I hear the words come out of my mouth before I even taste them, "You look so pretty!" And she does.  Or, "You are so strong!"  And he is.   The compliments flow so naturally from my mouth to their ears, but something flickers inside my head and I stop and wonder, Do they know something else is far more important?


     It's so easy to build up the outside and neglect the inside of our children.  

      In fact, flattering words appear almost effortlessly . . . because we genuinely DO believe our girls are beautiful and our boys are strong, and that's good!  Our children need to know we appreciate the wonderful ways God has created them, but I am reminded of God's words to Samuel many years ago when He said, "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart."

     Part of our job, as parents, includes ensuring our emphasis goes WAY BEYOND the dresses and muscles . . . to be sure we're building up their hearts.  

    Our children will believe their importance is found wherever we, their parents, show approval.  We need to be reminded that it's what Christ does on the inside of our children that holds the value, then we'll be watching for opportunities to build that up in them.

     Simple ways and words make this possible -- affirm kind acts, sweet attitudes, happy hearts, thoughtful deeds and unselfish choices.  All these things (and many more) come from the heart and that is where the true beauty and strength must be cultivated in our precious children's lives.

"What matters is not your outer

appearance...but your inner

disposition."
I Peter 3:3&4

     

"Toe" that Line

    
     A yellow line and two pairs of shoes . . . this picture causes my face to break into a big grin; it also yells loudly of the variance of personalities in our home.  As you may already know, having more than one child allows us, as parents, an inside look at how differently God designs each human being.

     If a sign said "Don't cross the yellow line" then likely I'd see five different responses, since I have five different children.  One child would put their toes right up to the line but wouldn't dream of crossing over, another would go right past that line, and then three more would land somewhere in between depending on how the wind was blowing. 

     Does this mean God made a mistake when he designed some of my children? 

     Does it mean I have parented some of them well but failed with the others? (possibly, but not my point)

     Or could it mean that each one is created uniquely with their own set of challenges we have to work on together?

     The sooner we accept that each of our children come pre-wired with their own strengths and weaknesses, the sooner we'll embrace the task of parenting each one AS THEY ARE CREATED!

     If God is able to ensure that no two snowflakes are ever the same, isn't He far more likely to pour out His immense creativity and uniqueness into our children?

     I admit it took a while for me to realize that my consistency with raising each of our children was not yielding similar results, but once I accepted that each child was personalized to their own ways, I began to enjoy it a little more.  Some of the best advice I remembering hearing in the early days came from the Ezzos when they said, "We don't lower the standards of behaviour depending on the child, but we bring each child to the standard."  That was HUGE for me!

     Once we see and understand that each child can't be compared to his or her siblings, let alone "Molly" or "Tommy" down the street, we can be set free to see each of our children exactly as God created them to be.  We'll see that although we have our work cut out with each one, it'll be in different areas of training.  Where one child finds it easy to be outgoing and polite, they may struggle with telling the truth.  Another child may feel close to death when they have to greet a stranger but never dream of being dishonest.  This doesn't make one child "better" than another -- but simply set apart for what God has planned for that specific child (and what we need to correct as we train them).

    Don't be discouraged if you have a child (or two) that's threatening to drive you around a bend -- God chose you as their parent because He KNEW you'd have what it takes to train, equip and raise this (these) child(ren) in the ways they need to go.  Don't give up or grow soft . . . now is the time to keep the standard raised and encourage them to reach out for that goal!

"Before I shaped you in the womb,

I knew all about you.  Before you saw

the light of day, I had holy plans for you."

Jeremiah 1:5



Once...

     My thoughts drift like a wave on the ocean, back to the days when a night of sleep was never guaranteed. I feel myself stretching to reach and remember . . . yet I know, back in those moments; I felt I'd never own my sleep again.  Now, my heart aches for the cry of a sweet-smelling little one who needs me at night.

     Now, I find myself with most nights uninterrupted. Newborns aren't whimpering with wet diapers, babies aren't piercing the air with cries of empty tummies, and toddlers aren't yelling with worries of lost stuffed animals. I realize I'm arriving in the stage of life I used to envy of other moms, back when the word TIRED spelled with bold, dark letters didn't begin to do justice to the exhaustion I felt.

     I remember it was easy to think thoughts like . . .
     - Once they stop waking at night...I won't be so tired
     - Once they stop throwing their baby food...I won't be so frustrated
     -Once they master the potty training...I won't be so annoyed

     I've learned that "once" thoughts are deadly -- if we fall into the habit of thinking that way, we may never change.

     We could find ourselves at the end of our children's teen years, with the sunset of parenting on the horizon, and have thoughts of, "Once they leave home everything will be alright."

     Is that really what God calls us to? Wishing away the present in hope of what will be easier? Ouch.

     That's the truth, though, isn't it? It is for me -- I get tired of the hard, and long for the easy. I get focused on the future, and miss what's right in front of me.

     Long ago, when my first babies had arrived, a wise mom shared a profound reality with me, "Kristen," she said, "when your children are young it takes all the physical energy you have, but be prepared that as they get older, it'll take all the mental energy you have."

     You see -- it doesn't get easy later. Although further down the road there's still a physical aspect to what's required as mom, it does drastically lessen.  But, just as I was warned, the mental aspect increases -- in fact, complex is the word that jumps to my mind. And I find myself all over again, guarding my heart from saying, "Once..."

     God allows our lives to be filled with hills AND valleys, highs AND lows, smiles AND tears. He doesn't want us to despise the present or dread the future . . . He wants us to look at each new challenge and know that even though we don't feel capable alone, He is there to help us. May each age, stage and trial be savoured for the gifts that can be found there.

"I have learned the secret

of being content in ANY

and EVERY situation."

Philippians 4:12

Pleading Eyes

     His bright, blue eyes pleaded with mine.  "Do you like the song, Mom?  Do you like the CD?"  I watched as hope flitted across my oldest child's face, mixed with desire to have his music preferences embraced with the invisible, rubber stamp of approval.  It's the ancient questions asked all over again -- Am I strong?  Am I smart?  Am I loved?

     Only a moment slipped by as I pondered, how much time has passed since I held him in my arms?

      How did my "baby" grow up to be ready to grasp deep lyrics like these? 

     What prepares a mother to realize her son is closer to manhood than childhood? 

     Relieved, I answered honestly about his music, "Yeah, I do like it.  I especially enjoyed the words - God's truth is strong in it."  The smile floods his face and he relaxes into the couch.  I'm glad that he cares and wants us to know his music; but I'm a million times more glad he desires music that strengthens his walk with God.

     Never has it been easy to be a teen, or a Christian for that matter; but I see before me how significant these days, months and years are right now in his life. 

     I want to make the most of them with each of my children -- not wasting, but investing!  But we all know what that requires . . . TIME, with a capital "T". 

     Time - we make it, we find it, we use it - but there never seems to be enough of it!

     Only God can show me where my priorities need to be in this stage of parenting, but I must be listening to Him.  Music is only one of so many avenues that require nurture and care in my chidlren's lives;  myriads of issues each one of them face as they move towards the door of adulthood.

     If we're not careful, time will slip through our fingers like water, and all we'll be left with is the view in our rearview mirrors.

     So I'll keep listening to the songs, laughing at the jokes and loving the times to talk -- those pleading eyes will only be here so long and then they'll be gone.  Time -- whatever it takes -- will be found at home!

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1