Saturday, October 29, 2011

Grumpy Saturdays



     "Mom, can you cut my hair?"

     "Honey, what's for lunch?"

     "Kristen, would you have time to read through this document?"

     When I think of "grumpy Saturdays", I have to confess, I'm sadly referring to ME being the grumpy one, not the rest of my family.  In fact, if any day of the week guarantees more happy smiles and relaxed kids, it's Saturday; and if there's a challenge, it usually rests with me.

     I've asked myself over and over, "Kristen, why are you spoiling Saturday?  This is a day for our family."  I've felt so frustrated with myself and tried so hard to change.  Fortunately, a number of years ago, I discovered the reason for my grumpy Saturdays -- now I just have to stay disciplined to keep working on it. 

     Do you want to know what caused grumpy Saturdays for me?

     My expectation that I deserved the day off too!

     Does it sound too simple and a little selfish?  That's because it is!  When I realized that every week my mind was building up to the excitement of "a day off", a light bulb went on for me . . . if our family was to enjoy a day off together, someone had to be directing it, and I felt that was part of the role God's given to me.  It was when I finally accepted that responsibility, that Saturdays became a joy to me.

     I have an idea of what you may be thinking . . . But moms work hard all week, we deserve a day off!  Yes, that's true, but maybe not in the way we expect. 

     The expression, "a day off", could easily conjure images of our feet resting on a soft pink stool, a mug of steaming, spiced coffee warming our hands, exquisite dark chocolate truffles resting on a silver tray beside us and silence hovering over the house.  BUT, we all know that is not real life, nor the stage of life we are in during this time of mothering. 

     I wish I could give that gift to all of you ~ and allow you to savour silence, sweets and sanity on a regular basis, but to this point I've not found ways to carve that into my life yet either. 

     For the purpose of balance, though, we do need to be sure that we're looking for times to have our husbands or friends help us take small pockets of time for a warm bath or a trip to a coffee shop; the key is that our expectations must be reasonable!

     So what do we do with grumpy Saturdays?  First, we admit that as much as we want to completely spoil ourselves, that is not what we're called to do.  Then, we settle into our homes and look for creative ways to make Saturday (or whichever day is your family day) a special time -- that doesn't mean going places all the time; it can be as simple as playing some board games, taking a walk in the woods or decorating home-made pizza together.  Be sure you say "No" to what can be left undone, and remember, the more balanced we can make the day with kids helping on chores or dad doing some dishes or maybe even a simple supper of french toast, the more we'll all enjoy it.

     As hard as it is, make the effort to rise above the "woe is me" feelings and ask God to help you make your family days a gift from you, as mom, to your family.  We'll never look back and regret the effort it took to make the memories together!

"Jesus said...'If any of you
wants to be my follower,
you must turn from your selfish ways'."


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Satisfied


   
     "What if all we had left tomorrow morning is what we thanked God for today?"


     The words burned straight into my heart and made me sit up fast . . . yeah, what if?  God, did I thank you today for my children?  What about three healthy meals?  And a vehicle to take me to the doctor's appointment? And . . . 


     On and on the list would go, because we all have so much to be thankful for, don't we?  But we live in this crazy culture that's always flashing signs and blinking pictures to remind us of what we DON'T HAVE, and as hard as I try to escape them or shut it out of my head completely, I can't.  It's everywhere.

     I am learning (over and over) that I have to find my satisfaction in Jesus and what I already have -- even if it doesn't measure up to everything else I see.  There's a verse in Hebrews, that at first glance seems like two vastly different instructions, but when we look closer we can see how they beautifully connect.  In Hebrews 13:5, we're told to, "Keep your lives free from the love of money, and BE CONTENT with what you have, BECAUSE God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"  It can read as separate thoughts, but they are perfectly intertwined . . .

     It is God's assurance of His care for us that should cause us to be SATISFIED with what we have and where we are!


     Pastor Andy Stanley says, "We live in a culture that makes us aware EVERY DAY of what we DON'T have!  Every day we become more and more aware of what we don't have.  It didn't used to be that way.  But every day I'm reminded of what I don't have, should have and actually need."

     Sigh.

     We can't escape the glowing advertisements that adorn every street and roadway, but we can meditate on truth.  The truth that God will never leave us and that we have all that we need.

     It's like putting on a pair of dark sunglasses as we drive down through city traffic -- it won't make the appeal completely vanish but it will dim the attractiveness of all that the world shouts at us to want.


     Lord, remove my desire for the things of this world and replace it with a desire for more of you.  Establish a deep understanding that because you will never leave me, I can and must be satisfied with all the good things with which you have blessed me!


"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you...
My soul will be SATISFIED
as with the richest of foods."
Psalm 63:1&5


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Inundated with Evil


     Store windows are overflowing with every dark image possible . . . posters and advertisements beckoning evil bombard bulletin boards . . . children on the street talk with excitement that almost surpasses the anticipation of Christmas . . . and my heart is so heavy.

     God, how do I share your truth without others feeling judged?  How do I express the joy and freedom of walking away from all that a celebration of evil includes?  Lord, give me the words...

     From that deep longing, I share with you today -- I don't believe our country has never been so inundated with evil as it is in this generation.  Halloween has become a "holiday" recognized by most anyone we meet and yet few seem to stop and ask themselves, "WHY?  Why on earth would I want to expose my children to something that represents all the evil that the enemy of our souls has for us?" 

     A common response to that question is, "Oh, our family doesn't celebrate the evil part, we just celebrate the good."  I have to ask, though, what good is there in evil?  The Word is very clear on what God's best is for us -- we're instructed in I Thessalonians 5:22, "Reject every kind of evil," and then in III John 1:11 we're told, "Do not imitate what is evil but what is good." 

     "But, Kristen, you don't know what the pressure is like; everyone else let's their kids participate."  I do know a bit of what the pressure can be like and I certainly know what it's like to go against the norm . . . but better than all that, I know the liberty of walking away from all of it!

     As a family, it took us a long time to discover what October 31st should look like for our family...first, we tried just handing treats out and being a blessing to our neighbours, but then kids dressed up as ghouls, witches and creatures showed up at our door and we were exposing our then little ones to what we'd been attempting to avoid.  Next, we tried going out to do events as a family, at churches or a bowling alley, but as hard as we tried, everything still had tastes of evil in them. 

     Eventually our family found what we love, and now continue to do -- we turn out all the lights in and on our house, sneak downstairs to our rec room; our arms loaded with pizza, pop and tons of candy (cause that's what kids really want anyway), a new-to-us family game and something fun to watch together, and WE HAVE A BLAST!  We call it our "Annual Family Night" and our kids look forward to it for weeks prior.  In fact, I've discovered that our house being dark has become a silent testimony to our friends; it opens the door to share why we don't participate.

     Now some of you may have no interest in what you've just read and feel totally comfortable with the ways your family is choosing to participate in local "celebrations" in your community, and that's fine -- this is between your family and God, ultimately I have nothing to do with it.  In fact, I guarentee you that if we meet somewhere and your child tells me they are going trick-or-treating dressed up as a ________, I will think nothing less of you.  I don't want your family to become like our family, I only desire that all of our families can experience whatever God has for each of us in His best as we shine as lights for Him in a dark world.

     What I share here is intended for the many moms I hear sharing, "I don't like all this Halloween stuff that is being forced on my kids, but we don't have a choice."

     You DO have a choice -- You are the mom (or dad) God has given to direct your children in the way they should go, and that means ONLY YOU and your spouse are responsible to God for what you choose; not neighbours, not teachers, not even other family members.

     What if Daniel had stopped praying when threatened with the lion's den?  He would have never experienced God's miraculous rescue, nor the many other things God did in his life.

     What if Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had bowed to the giant statue when threatened with a fiery furnace?  They would never have experienced God's perfect escape plan, nor have been promoted to their high positions and witnessed to thousands.

     None of us know if there will be benefit beyond the four walls of our homes, but that doesn't matter, because almost EVERYTHING we are called to be faithful with lives within those four walls!  Let God speak to your heart.  Examine whether there are areas you can step out from and look for new memories to embrace and new ways to do the old, you may be amazed.

"As obedient children, do not
conform to the evil desires
you had when you lived in ignorance.
But just as He who called you is holy,
so be holy in all you do."
I Peter 1:14 & 15 


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Never Caught Up



     Have you ever felt overcome by a discouraging realization that, as moms, we will never truly be caught up?  Really, Mom, think through what we do in a given day . . .
  • Laundry (clean in the morning, stained at night)
  • Food (made 3 times a day, consumed 3 times a day)
  • Cleaning (vacuumed/shined, messy/dirty)
  • Bathing (clean in morning, filthy at night) 
     Are you crying into the sleeve of your shirt yet?  I hope not; I'm building up to some great truth, but in order to appreciate truth for what it is, we need to be in touch with the reality that surrounds us.

     For years, and I mean years, I fought, battled and struggled with my home (and sometimes family) in an effort to "catch up"!  In fact, sometimes I'd equate my life with Cinderella, just needing to get one more pile of things done for the day before I could go swirling out the figurative door to the ball.  

     When I finally BEGAN to accept that I'd never be caught up until my kids had grown and left home, I was blown away.  Is that really what these precious, crazy, wonderful years are about??? Waiting for it to be over???  Of course not!

     We only have two choices: either we embrace the fact that chaos and never-ending job lists are part and parcel with the most incredible stage of caring for our children and family, OR we wish this whole thing away and lose every blessing and precious moment that we have the opportunity to create right now!

     If it's put that way, I know which one I am jumping up and down to choose . . . my family!  But if we fail to see what we are tossing away when we let the ensuing waves of exhausting moments overwhelm us, we'll miss some of the best gifts God is trying to give us.

     So if you can; join me in accepting the reality that although we may not "catch up" for the next 20 years, we can choose today to embrace the joys around us!  Remember moms, none of us has to look further than our subdivision to find a woman who cries herself to sleep each night because she isn't able to have a child.  We're blessed, even if we are exhausted!

"Put your hope in God
who richly provides us
with everything for our
enjoyment."
I Timothy 6:17


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Rise Up



     There are days . . .  You know, the ones where you ask yourself, "Am I really making any difference?"  "Do my children really hear me?"  "Am I even cut out for this mothering role?"

     I already know the answers to each of those questions, even if you are wobbling in your mind today; they are Yes and Yes and YES!  In fact, somehow God in His wonderful way seems to take days that our feet feel the heaviest on and our throats a little hoarse from frustration and make them some of our most effective.  Is it because of us?  No, it's because God promised us that when we were weak, He would be strong.

     Have you asked Him to be that for you today?
     God, please be strong for me, cause I am feeling weak.

     Words from a quote by Abraham Lincoln jumped off the page for me this week as I read something He said, "God bless my mother; all that I am or ever hope to be I owe to her."

     Do you know that if we are faithful now -- today -- this week -- then someday, the Bible tells us that our children will rise up and call us blessed?  That is the hope of what is to come . . . the reward that lies in the future.  Right now, we are to keep loving those sticky faces and hugging those grimy shoulders and believing God's best about each of our children even in the moments we feel like hope is only a distant glimmer.  Don't lose hope, our children's words may resonate with those of Abraham Lincoln someday IF we do not give up.

"Her children arise and call
her blessed; her husband also,
and he praises her."
Proverbs 31:28


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Serious Cravings


     We've been on lots of productive farms and inside lots of smelly barns, but a recent trip has topped all the rest.  As we brushed the cobwebs away from our faces and side-stepped the crusty deposits on the floor; we anxiously followed the sounds to the back row of stalls in an attempt to discover the source the raucous noises.

     There, in front of us, were the hungriest, noisiest and funniest little piglets we'd ever seen.  Our family stood and watched them for quite a while as they ravenously prodded and slurped from their mother, and I pondered two things...
     # 1 - I had it very easy nursing my babies compared to this poor mother pig
     # 2 - Is this what God had in mind when He told us to crave spiritual milk?

     Reflecting on I Peter 2:2, I see where we're encouraged -- no, told -- to rid ourselves of everything that could threaten to bring us down, and become like babies, "Crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."

     I don't want to be dishonoring to God in any way, but truly, if I craved His Word and time in His presence daily like those piglets obviously were craving their mother's milk, would I not be passionately pressing into God at a whole new level?

     That same verse says after we've tasted that the Lord is good . . . most of us have already seen Him move in our lives in some way and we DO know He's good, but we are we craving Him?


     We get so caught up in the chasing of everything this world has to offer EXCEPT FOR God, that I imagine His heart must feel broken time and again.


     Jesus said it'd be when we hunger and thirst that we'd be satisfied -- that means a desperate desire on our part.  Just like those little piglets, may we all be desiring more of God, now that we have tasted and seen that He is good.

"Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst for 
righteousness."
Matthew 5:6


Friday, October 7, 2011

Adoring Eyes




     The baby-blue eyes glanced my way, waiting for a nod of approval.  I lifted two thumbs high in the air and threw him back a smile.  Then watched as his grin started on his lips and moved all the way up to his eyes.  His head cocked and I savoured what I have come to recognize as adoring eyes.

     My heart soared for a moment and then a shadow fell.  These may be the last of the adoring eyes I savour in my lifetime, I thought.  The realization came heavy and unwelcoming.  Parenting brings such extreme joy and such great challenge combined, but one of my favourite rewards has definitely been the opportunity to be loved so unreservedly.

     The short years we are given to be the heroine in a little one's eyes is an incredible gift -- and all too soon the sun sets on that stage of motherhood.

     Have I treasured it enough?

     Have I earned their respect?

     Have I used these days to establish the foundations required for the rest of the journey?

     I'll never cease being amazed that God entrusts little ones to us, even for a season, never.  The gift of a little heart that trusts you, little eyes that look at you so longingly with a smile that shines as big as a rainbow, will be embedded in my mind for my lifetime.

     But when the days get hard, we forget that the sun will ever set.  When the moments don't hold adoring eyes, we lose sight of the treasures we are standing beside.  This shouldn't be!

     One of my favourite classic films is Fiddler on the Roof, and as much as I square my shoulders and determine I will not cry at the wedding of their daughter, I always do.  The song shared by the mother and father moves my heart at the deepest levels, as they sing...

     Sunrise, sunset
     Sunrise, sunset
     Swiftly fly the years
     One season following another
     Laden with happiness and tears

     May we desire that, no matter the stage of mothering we find ourselves in, whether happiness or tears, that as the sun sets on one season and rises on another, we won't ever forget the richness of what God has entrusted to us!  He is the giver of good gifts and we are blessed to have beheld -- even for a moment -- those adoring eyes.

"Children are a gift 
from the Lord;
they are a reward from Him."
Psalm 127:3


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Right Here, Right Now


     It was a dreary day in Walmart.  Crowded isles, pushy people and kids(mine) that would rather be anywhere but there.  For that matter, I was experiencing similar emotions -- there were a lot of other places I would rather be than at Walmart; buying the right size of underwear for my five year-old and checking out the price of deodorant for my twelve year-old.

     Then, I heard it; lyrics being sung from a song I hadn't heard in years...
     Right here, right now, 
     There is no other place I'd rather be...

     And I felt like God spoke to my heart through that secular song that was drifting through the overhead speakers.  In the "right here, right now", I had a choice:  feel sorry for myself as I wandered through Walmart OR look for the blessings in the moment and be choose to be thankful!

     I chose the thankful option.


     How often do we, as moms, wander through the "isles of daily life" and wish we were anywhere but here?  


     Maybe it's a cranky toddler or a vomiting preschooler.  Maybe it's a lack of funds and an abundance of bills to be paid.  Or maybe it's just a routine trip to the local department store.  Whatever it is, know that God is very present in every moment we experience.  God knows how we're feeling and He's able to carry us through those hard times.

     One of my favourite songs to hum and sing along with, when I was a little girl, was "He's Able"...
     He's able, He's able, I know He is able,
     I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

     So whether you walk away from your computer screen, whistling "He's Able" or "Right Here, Right Now", I hope that these thoughts linger long in the days ahead.  I hope that the take-away from this blog is that God is fully able to help us right where we are, so that regardless of the circumstances our hearts will be able to say that this is right where we want to be!

"Oh, look!  God's RIGHT HERE
helping!  God's on my side."
Psalm 54:4
   

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Weary of Saying No



   The warm, yellow rays soothed my skin and I could feel my body start to relax.  Thank you, God, for sunshine and a moment of peace, 'cause mothering seems extra hard today.  How can one day seem so easy and immediately following, the next day seem so hard?

     So much that we experience in parenting is really a matter of our perspective, isn't it?

     If, in my mind, I felt that I shouldn't have to tell my children "no" more than ten times in a day, then on time # 11, I'd probably begin to experience weariness or frustration.

     What if I expected that my entire day -- minute by minute -- could require me to consistently hold to an answer previously given?  Would I then perceive that things are as they should be?

     You see, in this day by day, week by week, journey of parenting, I'm called to consistency.  It doesn't matter whether I feel tired or lazy, the same standard remains for me as mom, as it does for my kids as the children.

     How often, though, do I feel my children still need to adhere to obedience while I take a break on my congruity?


     When put into those terms, I see the need for more grace extended to my own self, as the mom, but also the need for more courage to keep going.  We all get weary . . . that's to be expected when we are tackling the greatest role there is out there!  But there's a difference between weariness (we need a break) and laziness (we just don't "feel" like it).

     How do we juggle it all?  We ask God to show us where the balance needs to be -- how to be willing to give ourselves a respite but then be ready to go back to our role with renewed love and gentle determination.  They say, "Rome wasn't built in a day" and fortunately neither are our children.  Each day is a fresh beginning and another opportunity to mold our children into who God wants them to become.

"We do not want you to become lazy,
but to imitate those who through faith
and patience inherit what has been promised."
Hebrews 6:12

P.S. ~  One fun thing to try, too, that I was told years ago -- is that although the word "no" can, and should, be used -- see how many other ways you can intersperse instruction with positive wording.  For example, instead of, "No, you can't have a sucker", try, "Even though you can't have a sucker, you may have an apple." It is so easy to get stuck in the police mode of no, no, no; when there are so many other happy ways to answer a precious question.  Keep loving those little ones!