The Mess of Learning

     "Oh, Mom, can I help you?"  The words came out of the mouth of my sweet daughter -- good words, bad timing.  I was about to begin one of my "secret jobs".  I don't have many secret jobs, but there are a few -- you know, the ones that you try to accomplish alone before a charming child steps into "help".   This job involved the transfer of 22lbs of flour, so the risks were steep.

     "Sure you can," I replied hesitantly, but I cringed as I spoke, because I knew what might come next . . . the mess of learning.  It seems to be the inevitable step that each child has to take to master the next level of chores and assignments, but one I dread more often than I should. 

     We put the clear, plastic flour bin on the kitchen floor and opened the bag together.  "I can do it, Mom," she said.  To which I replied, "I know, but I will just help you get started."  We opened the bag together and started to lift it in the air, but before I could get the words out to tip it slowly, flour decorated my floor!  Much of it did make the bin, but . . . much didn't. 

     Life -- all of it, whatever stage we are at -- requires the mess of learning. 

     At what point do we earn the badge of completing all lessons?  There isn't one.  If we are not overwhelmed with the "mess" of learning how to care for our first baby, then we are further down the list, with the hope to check off the lesson on the "mess" of learning how to care for our third.  Or maybe it is the "mess" of learning how to communicate with our spouse.  Or it could be the "mess" of learning how to age gracefully.  It doesn't seem to end, does it?

     This is God's design of life -- it's what keeps me humble and in need of wisdom from others, and most of all, from above!

     I looked around at the smattering of flour on the kitchen floor and thought of my own life -- the lessons I have learned have often left a detritus of mess in my path.  But just as I helped my daughter to clean up the flour, so God faithfully helps me with clean up the residue from my lessons.

     This is how our children are created to learn, and it is how I continue to learn . . . one mess at a time.

"I applied my heart to what I observed

and learned a lesson from what I saw."

Proverbs 24:32

    

The Clean Up Blues

The scene that met my gaze as I rounded the corner, made my passion-for-organization-heart sink.  A room, previously clean only mere hours before, was disseminated by the busy hands of my red-cheeked little boy.  As I stood in the hallway, I could feel a smile pulling at my lips, but recognized that more than humour was required in that moment.  As I strained to suppress the urge to let out the laughter, I drew upon my "mommy voice", and informed my four year old that the mess had to be cleaned before supper.  The tears that followed were enough to twist the heart of the most stern of mothers, but I held firm to my issued decree, knowing he was capable of what needed to transpire next.  I carefully laid out some simple steps of an orderly way to tackle the disaster and then walked out of the room, leaving my tired little man to test his abilities.  I didn't go too far away, in order that I could be available for any cries that might move from sadness to desperation.  The first few minutes passed without much difficulty.  Before long though, the tears began again...

My first inclination was to step in and do it for him and the second was not much better; I would have gladly sat down and tackled it with him, but neither option seemed to suffice given the circumstance.  I felt this was a battle that my four year old was capable of confronting, so that he could hopefully savour the victory in the end.  Time ticked by slowly and when I returned a bit later, I was pleased for both his sake and mine that some progress was made.  It was not finished quickly, nor without a few more tears shed by my, now weary, little man; but it was worth the persevering.

Why would a loving mother heartlessly make her four year old handle such confusion?  Was it because I didn't care?  No, it was because of my great love for him; my confidence that he was capable even when he did not believe he was, and my greater perspective of life in knowing that he needs to learn and grow in these areas, even if he doesn't enjoy it at the moment.  A short term solution was not going to help this little man grow in the long term view of things - although there were tears and pain, these are what will make him into the big man he will need to be someday. 

Does that not prompt you to think of our Heavenly Father and the ways that He cares for us?  As I reflect, there are many events in my life in which, that as I look back, I can recognize the wisdom of needing to suffer through them, but I assure you at the time, I could see no benefit whatsoever.  How similar this is to my little four year old and his room - I know that he did not think for a moment that I knew what was better for him.

The fleshly nature in all of us longs for the easy road in life.

But God, who sees far beyond our short-sighted vision, knows we need those lessons that do not sit comfortably at the moment.  He is working out a much more magnificent design in each of us and He knows how much heat from the fire we can take before we get burned.  Without exception, it is through our Refiner's fire, that our hearts are strengthened and purified.

What was the ending to the story of my four year old and his room?  He melted down and lost all sense of hope just moments before completion.  Did I walk away and give up on him?  No, I knew by then he had as much as he could take and I went to his side and helped him finish the job.  It only took two more minutes to complete, but I recognized that he could go no further. 

In the same way, you and I have felt the Father come alongside us, haven't we?  When we felt all hope must surely be gone, there He is, lovingly helping us clean up the mess we have made and put things back were they belong.

Thank you, Father, for always being so very near to rescue us when the heat is more than we can bear!

"The helpless call to Him, and He answers; He saves them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:6

Just Do the Next Thing

Have you ever looked around your house, and all there is to do, and just wanted to cry? Or maybe you really have cried...don't feel bad, that seems to be the reality of certain days and times during this journey of parenting. But I do have some good news ~ I've discovered an effective way to tackle mess when it threatens to overtake our homes.

Many years ago, I watched a video set by Elisabeth Elliot entitled A Peaceful Home, and found it full of wonderful truths; but what impacted me more than anything else, were four little words that she suggested ~ "DO THE NEXT THING!" Elisabeth expanded on this principle and shared ways that were practical to bring order, but there was nothing new or surprising. The fruit of the whole teaching for me truly seemed to come from hearing that expression.

I have applied DO THE NEXT THING for more than ten years now and still find myself using it; but because it had become so routine I had not considered sharing it until one of our recent Mom's Nights, in the spring. A few months later, I had some moms came back and tell me that they now have the expression running through their heads when they are trying to tackle their houses with all that needs to be done, and it has helped them tremendously. This caused me to realize that it was not just benefiting me, and therefore it should be passed along.

So, how can you transform your life with these four little words? The only way to do that, that I know of, is for me to walk you through what I do when every room in my house seems to be in disarray (maybe it won't work for you, but give it a try). So, here it goes...

    Let's imagine on any given day, that as I pause at noon and take inventory of what has been happening on various levels and in various rooms; I find a significant amount of chaos in each area (not very hard to imagine, so far, is it?). The first thing I would do, is call the children to the areas that I know they can handle working on to start sorting and cleaning (I realize if you have only babies and toddlers this requires moms doing most of the work - but don't worry, it will pay off for you later). Next, I would go to the room I find most important for me to have in order and start working there until it is back to my standard (that room and standard may be different for each of us, so apply what you would do - for me it is my kitchen and clear counters is my standard). Then, I would go to the next room or area and stay there until it is completed - this can mean utilizing baskets or my helpers to carry things, depending on how much there is to sort. I would continue on in this process until everything is tidied up in each area on all levels. Although it may sound long, even with 5 kids and a 2 storey house, I can usually be done in about 20 minutes. Don't let this seem overwhelming, it shouldn't - the whole time I am working on organizing I simply tell myself that I just have to DO THE NEXT THING.  The reality is that when I am done, I am able to do all my other tasks with much better efficiency and pleasure.

A few keys that help me are:

- Start with the area most important to have clean, then think of what areas are good to have tidy next, in case of drop in guests

- Relax and don't get stressed - cleanliness is NOT next to godliness
(When I shared this with a dear friend, she responded , "Thank you so much for this one particular line...That little cliche plays clearly in my head so often when my house gets messed up - in such a condemning way that I know exactly where it's from. And I know that is not to say that we should forgo keeping a clean and tidy house, rather that an untidy house from time to time does not mean we are failing at being a godly woman." - I could not have said it so well)

- During the whole clean up, keep reminding yourself that you only have to DO THE NEXT THING

- My goal is tidy, not perfect; but the benefits are good for all - even our young ones will play with more focused attention when their areas of play are kept ordered

For me, I have found that when I plan for these clean up times after breakfast (checking bedrooms for beds made), at lunch (from morning events) and again in the evening, the mess is kept in very manageable amounts. The old saying remains true, though, "If I fail to plan, then I plan to fail".  I have to remind myself that although this discipline is not "fun", it is of great value to the function of our home.  Planning to stay on top of disorder, can bring peace to our homes in ways we may need more than we realize.

Proverbs 21:5, in the Message, says,
"Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run;

hurry and scurry puts you further behind."