THE COMPARISON TRAP

     The snags in the blue-stained carpet held my rapt attention, as I tried to find anywhere to rest my eyes, except on the women talking near me.  It was impossible not to hear their private sharing; and I had nowhere else to go but the seat I occupied in the waiting room.

     Although their conversation had begun with weary words of how exhausting their lives were, it soon had led to the details that left me surprised.  The first woman shared her "busyness" which consisted of pedicures, hair appointments and back massages.  The second description was not very different.

     Within moments, it seemed the air became more stale than it had been and the sunlight streaming in the windows dimmed its bright and cheery effect.  What changed?  Only my heart and its response to some strangers description of busyness...you see, I fell feet first into a comparison trap.

     What's a comparison trap?  A device that is used frequently in our lives -- so often, that we may not even notice its stellar effectiveness that leads us away from the things with which we are already blessed.  In fact, there are traps of this nature set around our lives daily and we must navigate them with extreme caution.

     Ease of life?  Children?  Personal dwellings?  Spouses?  Wardrobes?

     These areas and many more can either be examined with a warm heart of thankfulness for what we have, or a cold heart of emptiness that comes from what we don't have.  Our attitude will determine whether we fall into the trap of comparison or step over it with a giant step of gratitude.

     You must know your own weaknesses for the comparison traps in your world and be as vigilant as a soldier on duty.

     How did my blue-stained carpet afternoon end?  I quickly sensed God remind me that my life, too, would have aspects of ease to it also, depending on the person that would overhear one of my conversations.  It was not for me to judge, nor wallow in self-pity; but to stand up and recognize the greatness of EVERY good thing I enjoy...even if it's not over a pedicure.

"Make a careful exploration

of who you are...don't compare

yourself with others." 

Galatians 6:4

   

Truly Thankful

I had the privilege of overhearing a sweet exchange between a parent and a child recently, while I was sitting in a restaurant.  At the completion of their meal, the little girl, who could not have been older than six, looked up to her dad and said, "Thank you so much for such a wonderful supper, Daddy, it was really good."  I was touched by her sincerity, but even more so by knowing it was voluntarily offered and not reminded.  It caused me to think of how often we have worked with our children to remind them to express thankfulness, and how amazed I am that these expressive moments rarely come naturally - they are taught.

It is valuable information to know that the good things we want to see our children modeling are not going to come naturally.  To a certain extent, if we demonstrate thankfulness they will duplicate it, but we need to take it further than hoping they copy us.  We need to teach thankfulness, encourage thankfulness and expect thankfulness.  Going into the holidays is a good time to put into practice simple reminders for the younger children in our lives, that will assist them into the social settings they may find themselves in.  We have tried to share our expectations with our children, before we arrive at a new destination or before our guests arrive, of what we would like to see them remember to say and do.  With our older children, it may be as simple as reminding them to hold out their hand to greet our guests and offer to take their coats; and with our younger ones it is the reminders of saying please and thank you, as well as looking our friends in the eyes and smiling when they are spoken to.

I have to be honest in telling you that as our first children began to grow a little older, I was disappointed at how much they didn't remember what they were taught.  We would go somewhere and I would need to gently whisper to say please or  use a hand sign to them for thank you - not just once or twice, but over and over.  I really thought I was doing something wrong - why aren't they able to remember this?  I would wonder.  Have you ever noticed how other people's children can seem more well behaved or grateful than our own?  But what I began to notice over a lot of time was that I wasn't reminding them nearly as often; and now as I watch my oldest ones I have often found they go above and beyond what I would have asked or expected of them and it comes naturally to them. 

My only intention in sharing these thoughts, is to encourage you - especially if your children are young - that as in most things, kids do not learn thankfulness overnight.  It is normal and good to gently and patiently remind them lots of times of what we need and expect of them.  It is not a reason to lower our expectations of their behaviour but certainly a good reminder to keep our expectations reasonable of the time frame in which they learn these things.  As with so many other points in parenting - "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old (that means much, much later) he will not turn from it."  (Proverbs 22:6)

Remember, as we instruct them with God's words from the Bible we will lay a foundation that they will not forget - one of our children's favourite stories on thankfulness is when Jesus healed the ten lepers.  Whenever we would read in Luke 17 about Jesus choosing to heal ten men from such an awful disease and only one came back to say thank you, our children would feel very sad.  "How could the other nine not say thank you to Jesus?" they would ask.  This became a perfect lead in, to examples we were working on, like how could we not remember to say thank you to the person that did _______ for us?

Watch for ways to be an example, set a standard, share stories and make it fun.  Being thankful is a gift we can give others, it shouldn't be a chore for us or our children, but a wonderful way to let others know we appreciate them.  Most of all, if we continue to express, out loud, our thankfulness to God and all He does for us and gives to us every day, we will make an impression that will be engraved on their hearts for years to come!