Sour Faces

     “Could you please take out the kitchen garbage?”

     “Could you please dry the lunch dishes?”

     “Could you please pick up the building blocks?”

     Daily, as moms, we’re required to make requests of our children that will make their faces sour and scrunch in dismay -- does that mean we should stop?  No, but we may need to brace ourselves for the inevitable reactions while we DO OUR JOB.

     I dread the high-pitched wails of complaining as much as any other mother, but I refuse to rob our children of the opportunity to contribute to our home.

     But something even greater occurs in these moments of instruction that may go unnoticed at first, but be appreciated later . . . our children learn to obey our voice.  What seems basic and simple when they’re young becomes the stepping stone for God to build on in their lives.

     How will our children know how to obey the voice of God if they haven’t first learned to obey the voice of a parent?

     We resist and dread the natural reactions that come out of our children’s mouths -- we wonder where we went wrong and fail to realize this as a “normal” part of the journey. 

     Instead, we must see the gift we’re giving our children as precious, even though it’s wrapped in paper that isn’t appealing to them.  Keep pressing on with determination inspired from above.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left,

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,

 ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
Isaiah 30:21



I Want My Own Way

    
      "I WANT IT!"

      "I WANT IT NOW!"

      "IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT TO ME,
        I'M GOING TO SCREAM!"

      I pushed my grocery cart quickly down the isle of the bustling store.  Already the red-faced mother had onlookers -- this was my feeble attempt for the mortified mother to retain a small portion of dignity.  I could imagine how she felt . . . five children later, my self-righteous notions of motherhood have been stripped away and replaced with the reality of children.

      “Can I get what I want?”  It is the question continually asked of every child.  They whine.  They snivel.  They moan.  They cry.  Whatever it takes to achieve the answer YES.

      I reflected back mere days ago, to a demand that came from one of my own . . . life deemed unfair by my daughter on the simple basis that she did not get what she wanted. What did I do?  Held my ground.

      Why?  Because a demanding toddler left uncontrolled becomes a more demanding older child. That leads to an impossible-to-please teenager, which in turn becomes the next generation of adults who always want their own way. This can lead to a complete breakdown in society.

      What if every child was always given every single thing they asked for?  Would there be any adults available in twenty-five years that would be willing to go out of their way for a friend or co-worker?  Unlikely.

      “But,” you say, “You don't know how hard it is when my child wants their own way!”  Yes, I do, but I also know what comes later if the same child continues to get whatever they want.

      The short-term sacrifice of a sobbing or screaming child, who is not pleased with a tough decision, is unequivocally worth the long-term gain of an adult who has plausible expectations of the world and those around them.

      Headlines are filled daily with people, companies, and governments taking what they want because they “threw a tantrum” long enough.  Business owners complain of the immense challenges in operations due to customers that only know what it is to “get their own way”.  It is a growing trend in our society and there is only one way to change it . . .

      Learn to be the parents that stand firm when their child demands, “I want my own way!”

“By standing firm you will gain life.” Luke 21:19 

Raising Servants

One of my greatest desires for my children as they grow up, is that they learn how to be servants to those around them. Not in ways that they are taken advantage of, but in ways that they have learned what it is to serve others. John 12:26 says, "Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honour the one who serves me." I want this for my children - to know how to follow after Jesus and to be honoured by our Heavenly Father.

I remember in the very early days, trying to teach my three year old what it meant to be a servant. I had explained to him the Bible said that the first shall be last and the last will be first - in an effort to show that God does honour us when we put others first. It was only a few days later I overheard him telling his baby sister that she should give him a toy he wanted. His reason to her was this, "You know, the Bible says, the first will be first and the last will be last, so you need to give it to me." Obviously we have had to do lots more training since those early days, but it is beginning to take deep roots in their lives and I am encouraged.

What has surprised me most as I have walked out the journey of parenting this far, is that our children don't naturally want to be servants! To a degree, I expected that, but to the extent that I have had to work and continue to work to help them see their need to be willing to serve is something that I, as a parent, need to be encouraged in over and over. I have worked hard to serve my family and model to my children what serving looks like and I have found great joy in that, but children don't just become servants because we serve them. In fact, one of the saddest things I watch in some families is when children are not required to help carry the load of a house and they become selfish and content to never lift a finger. So, in many efforts to keep this from occurring in our home, we have worked hard to train them in serving others.

I write this today because I want to encourage other moms who may feel, as I have felt in the past, that if I just keep doing things for them they will learn how to serve. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but except for the odd rarity in children (and I don't have any of them), children will need to be required to help and serve in the family over and over and over again. It is one of the many areas of parenting that we need to sow lots of seeds for many years and wait patiently for the harvest. There are two reasons I know there is hope for a harvest: one, because after 13 years of sowing I am beginning to see children pitch in when not asked once in a while and second, because I have wonderful, godly friends who have gone before and are reaping the benefits with beautiful servant adult children.

Please don't settle for the cultural norm which is to do most everything for your children while they take in the TV or video games...push past the arguments and the whining - we must train our children to be servants because they are the only hope of the next generation. Jesus was the greatest servant of all and if we are not willing to walk in His footsteps and train our children to do the same, the world will not see the difference in any of us. God has called us to follow Him and that requires being a servant to all - beginning in our homes and families - the training ground for us all.