OUR WANTS VS. THEIR NEEDS

     I had "my" day all laid out...like a garden planted in perfect rows, the hours of "my" day were going to flow in ideal order, UNTIL...

     The "until" came early on a Saturday morning, as my youngest child stood beside me in the parking lot of a store and gazed dreamily up at a snow covered hill.  "Mom," he asked softly, "wouldn't it be so fun to sled down that hill?"

     My honest answer would have been, "No, I don't like getting cold nor wet, and I have a numbered list of things I am going to do today."

     BUT, my heart stepped in to speak before cold-hearted honesty did, and my real answer to those captivating, baby-blue eyes was, "Yeah, it would, but we're not allowed to sled there.  How about we go to an even bigger hill where we are allowed to sled?"

     In an instant my list flashed before my face and I knew all those boxes waiting to be checked off in systematic order were going to remain empty today.  I grieved silently for a moment, then loaded my kids in the van and headed home to grab sleds and snow-pants.

     The hours that followed were filled with smiles, laughter and bone-weary hikes up the tobogganing hill -- and you know the ending, right?  I wouldn't have traded it for the world when we were done!

     Then why was it so hard to leave my tick-boxes blank if I was trading them in for such perfection of experience?

     I see it as an ongoing challenge of motherhood...it's the never-ending balancing act of blending "our" wants with "their" needs.

     The reality is, we couldn't live our lives on the snow-covered hills every day; but for me, my tendency is to err on the side of responsibility over and over, and forget to have the fun.

     Chances are, you are either nodding your head up and down vigorously at this moment because you know exactly what I'm talking about OR you're shrugging your shoulders with a "what's the big deal" response, because you're the one who needs more time with tick-box days.

     God has created each of us uniquely, as moms, and yet we are all called to do a similar job.  A job that consists of raising children, keeping a home, making multiple daily meals, caring for injuries, shuttling lesson-goers, and on and on.

     Where do you land, Mom?

     Do you know how to discern your wants from their needs?  Do you see that the truth is we will NEVER get this perfect as a balancing act, regardless of whether we are "box-checkers" or "shoulder shruggers"?

     Every day is a new day -- one to be delicately balanced with memory-making and real-life working.  Don't beat yourself up trying to get it perfect.  All we can do is our best; to evaluate what each day needs AND what you are reasonably able to offer it...then enjoy it, while you make some memories along the way.

     "There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Once...

     My thoughts drift like a wave on the ocean, back to the days when a night of sleep was never guaranteed. I feel myself stretching to reach and remember . . . yet I know, back in those moments; I felt I'd never own my sleep again.  Now, my heart aches for the cry of a sweet-smelling little one who needs me at night.

     Now, I find myself with most nights uninterrupted. Newborns aren't whimpering with wet diapers, babies aren't piercing the air with cries of empty tummies, and toddlers aren't yelling with worries of lost stuffed animals. I realize I'm arriving in the stage of life I used to envy of other moms, back when the word TIRED spelled with bold, dark letters didn't begin to do justice to the exhaustion I felt.

     I remember it was easy to think thoughts like . . .
     - Once they stop waking at night...I won't be so tired
     - Once they stop throwing their baby food...I won't be so frustrated
     -Once they master the potty training...I won't be so annoyed

     I've learned that "once" thoughts are deadly -- if we fall into the habit of thinking that way, we may never change.

     We could find ourselves at the end of our children's teen years, with the sunset of parenting on the horizon, and have thoughts of, "Once they leave home everything will be alright."

     Is that really what God calls us to? Wishing away the present in hope of what will be easier? Ouch.

     That's the truth, though, isn't it? It is for me -- I get tired of the hard, and long for the easy. I get focused on the future, and miss what's right in front of me.

     Long ago, when my first babies had arrived, a wise mom shared a profound reality with me, "Kristen," she said, "when your children are young it takes all the physical energy you have, but be prepared that as they get older, it'll take all the mental energy you have."

     You see -- it doesn't get easy later. Although further down the road there's still a physical aspect to what's required as mom, it does drastically lessen.  But, just as I was warned, the mental aspect increases -- in fact, complex is the word that jumps to my mind. And I find myself all over again, guarding my heart from saying, "Once..."

     God allows our lives to be filled with hills AND valleys, highs AND lows, smiles AND tears. He doesn't want us to despise the present or dread the future . . . He wants us to look at each new challenge and know that even though we don't feel capable alone, He is there to help us. May each age, stage and trial be savoured for the gifts that can be found there.

"I have learned the secret

of being content in ANY

and EVERY situation."

Philippians 4:12

Balancing Technology

There is no doubt that we are living in an unprecedented era of technology.  And as a mom, I find it increasingly challenging to know what "balanced living" looks like, with all that is available at our fingertips.  The good news is that there are no pat answers - each of us is different in how much technology we can balance while still truly balancing our families well.  But the bad news is the same - there are no pat answers - each of us must truly guard ourselves against being swept away in the flow of all that is available to us at this point in history.

As I reflect on the past 13 years of my mothering, one thought stands out strongly - I feel old!  I do not believe I am old, age wise, but my experience tells me that things have changed drastically since my first child was born.  As I have listened to the stories from new moms in the past year or so, I have been greatly surprised by how much technology is changing the world of all moms, but especially those of young children.  When I speak with moms who have recently had babies, they tell me of "skyping family with their 2 hour old baby" or "handling emails while in the hospital rooms" or "getting cell phone calls while trying to get the hang of nursing".  All these instances, and so many more, speak something so deep to my heart that I am not sure how to express it into words.

As I ponder what is in my heart, I see the temptation of maintaining the technology being given preference over enjoying the glow of those first hours with your new baby.  I see the challenge of having the ability to share your baby so easily via the internet that you could forget to stop and enjoy what it is you are trying to share.  Does this make sense?  And, I don't think it automatically gets easier to balance as our kids get older, but I do see how fast those early days fly by and how few hours you have to carve out for yourself.  When I reflect back, I am so thankful that my first few days with a new baby required only choosing to leave the TV off, which wasn't hard, and greet the odd nurse or guest that may choose to appear.  The bonding and creating of memories that I experienced will last a lifetime.  But what about once you are home?

As babies grow, there are increasingly larger amounts of time available to us, but how are we choosing to spend them?  Do we really see how much time these social networks can rob us of, as moms?  Do we think through how long it takes to send out ten emails?  Do we ponder what we could be doing with our family, while we choose to read what may be very valuable information on the internet?  Even if we choose to do all these things once our children are in bed, we can be robbing our spouse of quality time with them or our children of a well-rested, cheerful mom the next day.  When I stop and think about it, my friend in "Timbuktu" is NEVER going to remember a post I sent her 20 years from now, but my four year old will remember for a lifetime that we read Ferdinand, the Bull over and over.  Do you see where I am going with this?

It is not a question of right or wrong - it is a question of better and best!  

Even if we assume, that every post we write is valuable, every email is important (at the time) and every website we visit is clean and informative - still, even after all that, is it the best use of our time?  My intent is not to cause guilt or make you feel like a bad mom - that happens enough for me without anyone saying a thing, so I don't want to do that to anyone!  My desire is to cause each of us, myself very much included, to think seriously about what we are doing with each minute of our time.  If time is money, as the old adage puts it - and I happen to believe it is of much greater value - than how are we spending it?  Do you realize that TIME is one of the only resources we can never get back?  Once it is gone, it is gone!  FOR GOOD!

Yes, days with babies and toddlers can seem so long.  And, yes, there is a need to connect and reach out to friends, but please, for the eternal sake of your children, don't let technology go out of balance.  It is a resource to be used, because in many ways it saves us hours of time.  It can also encourage us and instruct us how to do, what we do, better.  But it is not something I want to look back on when my house is quiet and my kids are gone, and wonder why I wasted all those hours that I will never have back again!

            II Thessalonians 3:13  "As for you, my (sisters), never tire of doing what is right."