IMAGINE

     We hang their pictures on our walls.  We tuck them into bed each night.  We care for them when their sick and laugh with them when they're well.  God has designed us to care about our children with all the passion He's placed within us.  And yet, do we ever stop and IMAGINE?  Imagine what it feels like to be them?

     I'd wriggled under one of my daughter's cozy pink blankets a little while ago, waiting for her to get ready for bed, and a question jumped into my mind and slapped me in the face . . . What does it feel like to be my daughter? 

     Then, other questions followed -- What does it feel like to be my son?  How did it feel to live in our house today?   Did they feel truly cared for as I rushed around with busyness?  Heat rose in my cheeks as I sadly reflected on a few ways I'd hurried through the day instead of savouring those closest to me.

     That moment deeply affected my outlook.  I began to watch for other opportunities with my other children . . . how does it feel to be YOU right now?  I didn't ask it out loud, but began to imagine what I would feel like if I were in their shoes at various moments in the day.

     You already know what comes next, don't you?  It's not always pretty.  God seems to surface the question to my heart over and over, as if to say, "Would you want to be treated this way?  Would you feel treasured if someone you loved brush past that fast?  Would you want to be spoken to with that tone?"


     I'm not advocating perfect parenting, because that isn't achievable by anyone except our Heavenly Father, but I am promoting PAUSE -- IMAGINE -- RESPOND.


     Just stopping for a few breaths in the day, to examine how our children must feel in the moment, to be part of our homes where God has chosen them to be.  Remember . . . they didn't choose us; they were placed in our arms by God's provident design!

     As we rush about this month (and every other one ahead), let's pause to imagine how it feels for them today. 

     Respond with all the love, or grace, or energy God would want us to.  None of us want to experience the irony of losing out on the quality of daily, precious moments with our children because we are so busy preparing for future days to be special!  Ask God to bring the balance -- and the tenderness to our hearts -- for these sweet, and sometimes not so sweet, ones we love most of all.

"Imagine a person who lives

well, treating others fairly,

keeping good relationships...

This person who lives upright

and well shall live a full and true life."

Ezekiel 18:5&9

Adoring Eyes



     The baby-blue eyes glanced my way, waiting for a nod of approval.  I lifted two thumbs high in the air and threw him back a smile.  Then watched as his grin started on his lips and moved all the way up to his eyes.  His head cocked and I savoured what I have come to recognize as adoring eyes.

     My heart soared for a moment and then a shadow fell.  These may be the last of the adoring eyes I savour in my lifetime, I thought.  The realization came heavy and unwelcoming.  Parenting brings such extreme joy and such great challenge combined, but one of my favourite rewards has definitely been the opportunity to be loved so unreservedly.

     The short years we are given to be the heroine in a little one's eyes is an incredible gift -- and all too soon the sun sets on that stage of motherhood.

     Have I treasured it enough?

     Have I earned their respect?

     Have I used these days to establish the foundations required for the rest of the journey?

     I'll never cease being amazed that God entrusts little ones to us, even for a season, never.  The gift of a little heart that trusts you, little eyes that look at you so longingly with a smile that shines as big as a rainbow, will be embedded in my mind for my lifetime.

     But when the days get hard, we forget that the sun will ever set.  When the moments don't hold adoring eyes, we lose sight of the treasures we are standing beside.  This shouldn't be!

     One of my favourite classic films is Fiddler on the Roof, and as much as I square my shoulders and determine I will not cry at the wedding of their daughter, I always do.  The song shared by the mother and father moves my heart at the deepest levels, as they sing...

     Sunrise, sunset

     Sunrise, sunset

     Swiftly fly the years

     One season following another

     Laden with happiness and tears

     May we desire that, no matter the stage of mothering we find ourselves in, whether happiness or tears, that as the sun sets on one season and rises on another, we won't ever forget the richness of what God has entrusted to us!  He is the giver of good gifts and we are blessed to have beheld -- even for a moment -- those adoring eyes.

"Children are a gift 

from the Lord;

they are a reward from Him."

Psalm 127:3

Weary of Saying No

   The warm, yellow rays soothed my skin and I could feel my body start to relax.  Thank you, God, for sunshine and a moment of peace, 'cause mothering seems extra hard today.  How can one day seem so easy and immediately following, the next day seem so hard?

     So much that we experience in parenting is really a matter of our perspective, isn't it?

     If, in my mind, I felt that I shouldn't have to tell my children "no" more than ten times in a day, then on time # 11, I'd probably begin to experience weariness or frustration.

     What if I expected that my entire day -- minute by minute -- could require me to consistently hold to an answer previously given?  Would I then perceive that things are as they should be?

     You see, in this day by day, week by week, journey of parenting, I'm called to consistency.  It doesn't matter whether I feel tired or lazy, the same standard remains for me as mom, as it does for my kids as the children.

     How often, though, do I feel my children still need to adhere to obedience while I take a break on my congruity?


     When put into those terms, I see the need for more grace extended to my own self, as the mom, but also the need for more courage to keep going.  We all get weary . . . that's to be expected when we are tackling the greatest role there is out there!  But there's a difference between weariness (we need a break) and laziness (we just don't "feel" like it).

     How do we juggle it all?  We ask God to show us where the balance needs to be -- how to be willing to give ourselves a respite but then be ready to go back to our role with renewed love and gentle determination.  They say, "Rome wasn't built in a day" and fortunately neither are our children.  Each day is a fresh beginning and another opportunity to mold our children into who God wants them to become.

"We do not want you to become lazy,

but to imitate those who through faith

and patience inherit what has been promised."

Hebrews 6:12

P.S. ~  One fun thing to try, too, that I was told years ago -- is that although the word "no" can, and should, be used -- see how many other ways you can intersperse instruction with positive wording.  For example, instead of, "No, you can't have a sucker", try, "Even though you can't have a sucker, you may have an apple." It is so easy to get stuck in the police mode of no, no, no; when there are so many other happy ways to answer a precious question.  Keep loving those little ones!

"Toe" that Line

    
     A yellow line and two pairs of shoes . . . this picture causes my face to break into a big grin; it also yells loudly of the variance of personalities in our home.  As you may already know, having more than one child allows us, as parents, an inside look at how differently God designs each human being.

     If a sign said "Don't cross the yellow line" then likely I'd see five different responses, since I have five different children.  One child would put their toes right up to the line but wouldn't dream of crossing over, another would go right past that line, and then three more would land somewhere in between depending on how the wind was blowing. 

     Does this mean God made a mistake when he designed some of my children? 

     Does it mean I have parented some of them well but failed with the others? (possibly, but not my point)

     Or could it mean that each one is created uniquely with their own set of challenges we have to work on together?

     The sooner we accept that each of our children come pre-wired with their own strengths and weaknesses, the sooner we'll embrace the task of parenting each one AS THEY ARE CREATED!

     If God is able to ensure that no two snowflakes are ever the same, isn't He far more likely to pour out His immense creativity and uniqueness into our children?

     I admit it took a while for me to realize that my consistency with raising each of our children was not yielding similar results, but once I accepted that each child was personalized to their own ways, I began to enjoy it a little more.  Some of the best advice I remembering hearing in the early days came from the Ezzos when they said, "We don't lower the standards of behaviour depending on the child, but we bring each child to the standard."  That was HUGE for me!

     Once we see and understand that each child can't be compared to his or her siblings, let alone "Molly" or "Tommy" down the street, we can be set free to see each of our children exactly as God created them to be.  We'll see that although we have our work cut out with each one, it'll be in different areas of training.  Where one child finds it easy to be outgoing and polite, they may struggle with telling the truth.  Another child may feel close to death when they have to greet a stranger but never dream of being dishonest.  This doesn't make one child "better" than another -- but simply set apart for what God has planned for that specific child (and what we need to correct as we train them).

    Don't be discouraged if you have a child (or two) that's threatening to drive you around a bend -- God chose you as their parent because He KNEW you'd have what it takes to train, equip and raise this (these) child(ren) in the ways they need to go.  Don't give up or grow soft . . . now is the time to keep the standard raised and encourage them to reach out for that goal!

"Before I shaped you in the womb,

I knew all about you.  Before you saw

the light of day, I had holy plans for you."

Jeremiah 1:5



Once...

     My thoughts drift like a wave on the ocean, back to the days when a night of sleep was never guaranteed. I feel myself stretching to reach and remember . . . yet I know, back in those moments; I felt I'd never own my sleep again.  Now, my heart aches for the cry of a sweet-smelling little one who needs me at night.

     Now, I find myself with most nights uninterrupted. Newborns aren't whimpering with wet diapers, babies aren't piercing the air with cries of empty tummies, and toddlers aren't yelling with worries of lost stuffed animals. I realize I'm arriving in the stage of life I used to envy of other moms, back when the word TIRED spelled with bold, dark letters didn't begin to do justice to the exhaustion I felt.

     I remember it was easy to think thoughts like . . .
     - Once they stop waking at night...I won't be so tired
     - Once they stop throwing their baby food...I won't be so frustrated
     -Once they master the potty training...I won't be so annoyed

     I've learned that "once" thoughts are deadly -- if we fall into the habit of thinking that way, we may never change.

     We could find ourselves at the end of our children's teen years, with the sunset of parenting on the horizon, and have thoughts of, "Once they leave home everything will be alright."

     Is that really what God calls us to? Wishing away the present in hope of what will be easier? Ouch.

     That's the truth, though, isn't it? It is for me -- I get tired of the hard, and long for the easy. I get focused on the future, and miss what's right in front of me.

     Long ago, when my first babies had arrived, a wise mom shared a profound reality with me, "Kristen," she said, "when your children are young it takes all the physical energy you have, but be prepared that as they get older, it'll take all the mental energy you have."

     You see -- it doesn't get easy later. Although further down the road there's still a physical aspect to what's required as mom, it does drastically lessen.  But, just as I was warned, the mental aspect increases -- in fact, complex is the word that jumps to my mind. And I find myself all over again, guarding my heart from saying, "Once..."

     God allows our lives to be filled with hills AND valleys, highs AND lows, smiles AND tears. He doesn't want us to despise the present or dread the future . . . He wants us to look at each new challenge and know that even though we don't feel capable alone, He is there to help us. May each age, stage and trial be savoured for the gifts that can be found there.

"I have learned the secret

of being content in ANY

and EVERY situation."

Philippians 4:12

The Hope

     Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like all you are accomplishing is just ruining your kids?  Do you ever feel like there must be someone -- ANYONE -- out there who could raise them better?  Do you ever feel like there isn't any hope?

     I have.  I have.  I have. 

     Some days I feel like a woodpecker that lives in our backyard . . . daily this confused creature hammers away at the lining of a trampoline pole.  You would think that it would realize there is nothing to show for it's efforts, but it just keeps doing the same thing over and over.  He works and works and yet sees no recompense.

     That is often how I feel at the end of a day -- like all of my efforts have yielded no reward.

     But we are not woodpeckers . . . we are moms!

     God knows that we are prone to face these doubts.  So every once in a while He allows a ray of bright, yellow sunshine to burst out from the dark, grey skies of parenthood -- and we see hope!

     Hope is the key to those sunny, blue sky moments -- that is what deflates the enemy's lies that we are ruining our children!

     These are the moments when God allows us a glimpse into the good seeds that are being fertilized and nurtured within our children.  Suddenly, ever so briefly, we realize, "Wow, maybe I am doing the right thing!  Maybe I am on the right path!" 

     Are you committed to, and do you love, your children?

     Are you asking for God to strengthen you for this task of parenting and give you the required wisdom?

     Are you remembering to seek your child's forgiveness when you do make mistakes?

     Then take heart, you are on the same journey . . . travelling the road that is more shaded than it is sunlit, more confusing than it is clear, BUT a journey we wouldn't want to trade for anything in the world!  Cling to God and the truth that burns strong in those moments of hope -- God is faithful!

"Let us hold unswervingly

to the HOPE we profess,

for He who promised

is faithful."

 Hebrews 10:23

Past Generations

     Past generations seemed to know well the secret of hard work.

     Our current generation seems to know well the secret of leisure.

     Remember the old poem . . .    

     Work while you work,
     Play while you play;
     One thing each time,
     That is the way.
     All that you do,
     Do with your might;
     Things done by halves
     Are not done right.
      (McGuffy Reader)

     I have noticed that when I am done my "work", the tendency is to sit back to enjoy "leisure".  My concern has become that I sometimes confuse "leisure" with "play".

     I like what William Bennett says about this idea, "The opposite of work is not leisure or play or having fun but idleness -- not investing ourselves in anything."

     I am challenged to be investing myself in my children when the work is done, not just putting my feet up and being idle.  These are the moments that are vanishing before our eyes -- may they not be wasted.

"Whatever you do,

work at it with all your heart."

Colossians 3:23

When Daddy's Late

     Ask ANY mother what the hardest hour of the day is, and my guess is that 9 times out of 10 you will hear a groan escape her lips, just prior to the words, "The supper hour, of course." 

     If you have children that can move around on the their own two knees or feet, you know what I am referring to here.  And if you are the one attempting to put a healthy supper on the table before daddy gets home -- you have already discovered that life at the supper hour is not predictable.

     "Mommy, the dog's chewing my stuffie!"

     "Mommmm, the toilet is overflowing again!"

     "Mom, I fell and my lip is bleeding!"

     After all, we ARE moms -- we rush to the aid of others all day long! 

     We rescue perishing toys, we play the role of plumber, we attempt being a doctor of small injuries . . . and that is only in between the roles we play of teacher, judge and housekeeper!  Are you feeling tired yet?

     This short list - which barely scratches the surface of an average day - certainly gives credit to why our patience can wear thin near the supper hour.  And all the while we are desperately casting glances over our shoulder hoping to catch a glimpse of "daddy" stepping confidently over the threshold of the doorway to our rescue, with his super hero cape fluttering in the breeze. 

     The truth is, the closer we get to the supper hour, the more we feel it's time for the reserves to march in with fresh strength for the battle. 

     In fact, if we are honest, we can be tempted to set our expectations higher and higher, the longer we wait, so that by the time the lucky man walks through the door -- Superman would find it hard to match what we expect.

     But what do we do when Daddy's late? (or worse; Daddy's away?)  (or hardest ever; there is no Daddy at all?)

     1) We keep smiling
     Unless someone needs to be rushed to the emergency, we will survive the next hour, so we may as well do it with a smile on our faces . . . our kids will notice the difference.

     2) We speak positive words only
     One of the enemy's greatest temptations during "solo supper hours" is for us to put down or criticize the man we wish was there to help us, but the reality is - if he's not there, he's not there!  Why damage our kids and families just because we are tired?

     3) We watch for ways to ease the chaos
     When we plan ahead there are many ways to curb the pending disasters; whether it be a healthy snack (our kids have always loved sampling frozen veggies before they are put in the water / carrot sticks / lettuce leaves - if it's veggies, it can't hurt that much) or a surprise coloring page or even a batch of play dough reserved for these moments only.

     4) We ask God to give us His strength
     If there was ever a time to apply the verse, "When I am weak, He is strong" it has to be at the supper hours at which we are flying solo -- God is there, ready and able to step in when we ask.

     Supper hours, although they can feel more like zoos than  restaurants, don't have to be miserable.  Our attitude as moms probably determines 90% of the experience in the home. 

     So mom -- happy or not -- ask God to give you the heart to serve your family just one more hour with a smile on your face!  And if that man comes home late, warm up his plate and welcome him home.  Chances are he's had a hard day too!

"If any (mom) serves,

(she) should do it with

the strength God provides,

so that in ALL things

God may be praised."

I Peter 4:11



Motivation Urgently Needed

      I will never cease to be amazed how God can use His living and active Word to speak fresh motivation into my life, especially on tough days!  

     Do you ever get "those" days?  Days where it feels like the low road beckons to you like a box of sweet chocolates and the high road seems boarded up like an old red barn?  Days where the effort required to deal with the issues at hand is so HUGE that it could make you think of an ant attempting to carry a watermelon? 

     Maybe that is what Albert Einstein was thinking of, when he stated, "One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved.  One must develop an instinct for what one can barely achieve through ones greatest efforts." 

     An instinct for what one can BARELY achieve . . .  many of my days can feel that way!

     So, how did God speak to me on one of "those" days? 

     He revealed a verse from Proverbs 29:15 that says, "A child left to himself disgraces his mother." 

     That may not strike you as enough to change your day around on a dime . . . but it was mine!  What impacted me most was that it spoke to ME -- I'm a mother!  So often the proverbs speak to fathers and they can still apply to us as moms, but look out -- when God is speaking right to mothers, we should have both ears wide open.

     But back to the verse -- isn't that what we naturally WANT to do on difficult days?  Just leave the child to himself or herself?  Absolutely!

     Especially when the day has been long and hard.  But isn't it interesting that the consequence is given to us, not the child?  The verse says it is the mother who will be disgraced. 

     In the very moment I read this verse, I felt called back to God's standard of continuing to press in, as opposed to walking out the world's standard which could be defined as "letting kids be kids" or "don't worry, they'll grow out of it".

     In almost 14 years of parenting five different personalities I have yet to find ONE discipline issue that has magically disappeared because I've ignored it.  In fact, my experience is that molehills become mountains when I leave one of my children to themselves. 

     So moms -- press in!  Would we not rather be found faithful and a little battle weary with our children close to our hearts, than to be well rested and disgraced by them? 

     I love what Sally Clarkson shares on her blog, and I quote:  "Motherhood is a long journey, a hard and challenging journey, that will require much endurance with grace, much forgiveness, much patience and just a whole lot of energy expended."  How true.

     God NEVER tells us to do something that isn't for our very best -- so why question the wisdom found in the Word?  God calls us to correct our children and not leave them to their own demise.  May God's words of truth be your urgently needed motivation to continue on the road less traveled.

"Her children arise and

call her blessed!" 

Proverbs 31:28

A Fly on the Wall

     I put the book down beside me, frustrated that it sounded so easy for their family.  It was another "how to" book that promised to organize my world and change our family for the better.  Was there not something more out there?  I knew the answer to that -- it lay in the leather bound book beside my bed, but I longed for the model I could watch and imitate.

     "God, how do I do this parenting thing?  I feel like I need something I can touch and see." 

     I thought back to the beautiful, Christian families I had observed during my teen years, and wished I had paid more attention.  It looked so easy to raise kids when you weren't the one that was responsible for them . . . and now? 

     I looked over at my four year-old son and my two year-old daughter playing on the worn, brown carpet -- they were so happy and carefree, why couldn't I feel that way?  As I glanced down at my swollen belly, I realized it contained part of the answer . . . with another baby on the way, I knew the demands would continue to increase and I felt inadequate to handle the task at hand.

     If only I could be a fly on the wall in a home of a Christian family who knew what they were doing!

     That seemed to be my daily wish.  I would think about it while I vacuumed, while I cooked, while I was with my kids.  I had myself pretty well convinced that if I could be that "fly", I would know what to do, but the opportunities were hard to find.  Instead, I held fast to my daily time with the Lord -- praying and reading His Word -- unaware of how much He intended to do over time.  

     I wanted an instant fix; but God wanted change that would last.  

____________________

 (nine years later)

     I put the book down gently, grateful for the wisdom I had gained.  It was the same leather bound book I had wondered at years ago, but now I had learned the truth . . . as much as there are many wonderful books I can grow and learn from, there is only ONE that will change my life and fill me with the wisdom I crave.  It is God's Word.

     Now I have the perspicuous vantage point, that had I been given my wish of being a fly on a wall, I would not have understood God's desire for what He wanted my family to look like.  I would have tried to make my family into someone else's family, instead of the unique personality that God wanted to mold within our own family. 

     If only I could have rested in that knowledge nine years ago . . . that as long as I seek God for His wisdom and next steps in our lives and family, He continues to shape us into what He plans.  As long as I rest in His Word being the greatest source for all that I need, He will grow me to become more like Him.  There are still books outside of the Word, that I treasure for their wisdom, but even then, it is the ways that they point me back to God and His Word that I find the strength.

     Why would I want to become like someone else, when He has made available everything I need to keep growing in being more like Him?

"That your faith might not

rest on men's wisdom, but

on God's power."

I Corinthians 2:5

Parenting for Happiness?

I recently came across an online parenting seminar and was surprised to hear the slant they were speaking from.  The talk was centered around how to deal with disappointments that come when we are not "happy" parenting our children.  They examined graphs of how parents' happiness plunges during the parenting years, they looked at how children bring challenges to our lives; their goal was to dispel some myths that are associated with raising children but to me, it was backwards.  The conclusion was that we just had to keep working to find creative ways to raise our "happiness meter" during these parenting years.  WHAT?  Since when was parenting intended to be only for our happiness? 

When I look at my five children, my heart fills with love and thankfulness to God - and yes, there are many moments of happiness; but that is NOT why I do what I do.  If that was my only motivation, I would be greatly discouraged too.  I remember being out together with our children one day and meeting someone who was walking their dogs.  Our conversation began with the usual question of her asking me, "Are all these children really yours?" (tone implying significant disapproval) which then led to her sharing of her and her husband's choice to have dogs instead of children so that they could maintain life as they liked it.  I must say I walked away a little shocked - I had read articles of that nature but not had the opportunity to hear it first hand before.  But really, no wonder some people are choosing to "have dogs" and leave child rearing to other braver souls, IF it is all about personal happiness. 

Children do bring happiness to our lives, and they are a spectacular gift from God (Psalm 127); but if you become a mom and still expect it be "all about your happiness" then you are in for some major disappointments.  When God entrusts us with the privilege of training up children in the way they should go, it isn't just a walk in the park - it is a calling, of the highest sort. 

The only way that we are going to experience true happiness, as parents, will be by learning how to give of ourselves selflessly and let go of our own wants needing to be first.  Jesus told us what we had to do if we were going to call ourselves followers of Him.  He said in Matthew 16:24-25, "If anyone would come after me, he(or she) must deny himself(herself) and take up his(her) cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his(her) own life will lose it, but whoever loses his(her) life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man(woman) if he(she) gains the whole world, yet forfeits his(her) soul?"  I don't want to get lost in looking for happiness in the world.  I want to keep my sights set on the eternal purposes that are before me in training up godly children - I hope you do too.

Rear Guard in Parenting

There are days in parenting - many, in fact - that I can feel that I am in over my head with the issues I face as a mom.  Do you have days like that?  It is during those times that we need to keep the perspective of Who gave these children to us to raise and that His desire for them to flourish is even greater than our own.  There is a verse in Isaiah that paints a picture of one of the ways God is with us, that has powerfully impacted me.  It says in Isaiah 52:12, "The Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  Can you picture that with me?  If God is before us AND behind us as our rear guard - is there any place that we are not protected?  No, He has us covered, watching over from the front and the back.

When I have felt that I cannot possibly deal with the issues facing me in parenting, this is one of the verses that God has brought to remind me of His ability to work through these times with me.  I was reminded of this recently, when I was facing an attitude issue with one of my children in the way they were treating their siblings.  This child was completely resisting my encouragement and designated consequences that I was implementing to try and modify their behaviour, and the treatment of siblings was declining.  Finally, out of frustration (and I am not sure this was the best way to handle it but God was faithful), I told this child that I was not sure what was going on in their heart but they needed to get alone and figure it out because the behaviour toward siblings could not continue.  This child came back to me only moments later with a smile on their face and a look of shock...here is why.  They had walked back into the school room and picked up their Handwriting workbook (which is based on scripture verses), with still no further desire to change their own heart, God had stepped in.  This child told me, "Mom, of all the days to write out a verse, let alone the verse that was chosen - I can't believe this one.  I know God is trying to speak to me." The verse was from Proverbs 11:17 & 18 and it read, "Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel...the good man's reward lasts forever."  I have to tell you that the fruit of God dealing with my child, after I had done my best, were night and day.  This child enjoyed the rest of the day with a peaceful heart and a kindness to siblings that was unmatched from weeks prior.  God was before me and behind me as a rear guard so clearly that day, as I gave my meager offering in attempting to parent, He stepped in and blew me out of the water.

Obviously, this does not mean that I will not have issues again on this topic, with this child; but as in the past when God has spoken to one of them, there is a reference point to go back to.  There is far more fruit when God becomes personally involved in our parenting, than when we try to do it alone.  Ask God to be your rear guard and back you on issues you may be facing as you train up your children in the way they need to go - He will be faithful.

Encouraging More and More

Do you ever peek in on your sweet, sleeping kids and ask yourself the question, "Why was I so hard on them today?" I already know your answer, because we all experience similar challenges ~ as much as we love our children with all of our hearts, walking out this journey of parenting seems to consistently sneak in moments of frustration.  Don't you find perspective always comes once they are in bed?  Then, you want to wake them up and tell them all over again how much you love them!

I have found a secret that is helping that happen less and less for me ~ encouraging more and more!  One of my favourite verses for parenting, comes from II Timothy 4:2 where Paul says, "Correct, rebuke,and ENCOURAGE - with great patience and careful instruction." That pretty much sums up what I do all day -  how about you?  But as you look through more verses on encouragement (which means to instill courage into someone or give hope and support), they all can apply to parenting.  Listen to this summary taken from different books in the New Testament: "Therefore encourage one another...encourage the young men...encourage one another daily...let us encourage one another...encourage them to remain true...encourage them with these words...encourage them all..."  These verses continue in on much longer, but I am sure you are seeing what I am seeing - we are called by God, to encourage those around us.  So who more should benefit from that than our children?

It can be so easy to encourage our friends, and then turn and nit-pick our children, forgetting to encourage them - I am not saying stop training, that is of primary importance.  But as we train, we can watch for ways to be using encouraging words.  This will draw our children's hearts closer to ours and I believe we will see a desire for them to enjoy learning from us more and more.  Personally, I love being encouraged - I assume you love being encouraged and I know our children need to be encouraged!  When it comes to my children - I want to be that person in their lives - how about you?

Being the "Bad Guy"

Some days parenting is just plain, old-fashioned hard work!  You know the kind of days that I am referring to, don't you?  They are the ones that, no matter how hard you try, as a mom you end up being the "bad guy"out of necessity.  I, personally, do not enjoy these days very much and I continually need to remind myself that they are for a greater purpose than the pleasure of a happy child in the moment.

  Our children do not know what is best for themselves and one of our roles as parents is to direct them in proper choices.  Proverbs 22:6 says we are to, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  I recently heard it shared that this means we need to discover the "bent" that each of our children has been given and work with them in the ways need to be taught.  This means hard work and hard choices...when they want to do something that is not good for them, it means saying "no".  It means that if they are acting in ways that they should not be acting, we need to correct them.  It means that if they are not showing respect to us as parents, or others in their lives, they need to be shown that is not right.  The challenge in all of those examples is that it means we will look like, and possibly feel like, the "bad guy".

Our choices in shaping our children for the future have to be directed by a vision for what we want them to become, not how we "feel" in the moment.  It is too easy, especially in this culture, not to bother training our children because we are too tired, or too busy, or too whatever.  We live in a time where anything goes and there are excuses for everything!  I have a long way to go with my children and I seem to wear the "bad guy" hat often enough, but I wear it with love for my children and a desire to see them grow into adults who will be a blessing to many around them.

I recently watched a friend remove her daughter from a situation that she was misbehaving in and take her off alone to address the issue - I was so proud of her!  It wasn't convenient, it wasn't fun, it wasn't easy, but that didn't matter - it was accomplishing the long term goal of a well behaved child that will grown into beautiful adult.  We need to keep the same focus with our children - it is too easy to think that when we overlook bad behaviour it won't make a difference - just this once - but it will.  Just this once, too easily becomes the default for the way we address issues with our children and they are so smart, they know what they can get away with and what they can't.

The harder we work in the earlier years, the greater the fruit will be later on - it is worth it!  Hebrews 12:11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."   

More Wisdom

The older my children become, the more I realize how much more wisdom I need. It seemed to me in the early years, as I transitioned into motherhood, although it was not easy, it did not require great amounts of wisdom - for a while you can get by with basic knowledge of "how to" information. But as those precious little ones grow older, knowledge is no longer sufficient...we must have wisdom (and the reality is, we need wisdom at each stage - I am referring to the sense of desperate need for wisdom).

There is only one source of true wisdom and that comes from God through His Word, and I find myself pursuing this more passionately all the time. I am becoming increasingly aware of the importance of being well equipped as I enter into the new stages of life that come with older children (and I know I still have a long ways to go). There is much wisdom to be gained from friends and mentors who have gone before as well, but I want to look for the wisdom that they have gained from experience with God, not earthly sources.

A mentor and friend shared with me recently that I needed to be seeking God for a greater understanding of who I am in Christ, and this was the reason she gave, "The clarity of your identity will help your children form their identity. As they are getting older, they are drawing more on WHO you are instead of what you can do or what you are." I have felt that in the past year or so, and as we are moving into the teen years with our oldest, I am becoming increasingly aware of how little I need to do (physically) but how much I need to give (emotionally & spiritually). This is a healthy and natural progression but one that draws me deeper into God's Word. When speaking of the wife of noble character, Proverbs 31:26 says this of her, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is one her tongue." That should be the goal for all of us as moms, to be so filled with wisdom from above, that when we open our mouths it is God's truth that comes forth to our children.

One of the things I love about homeschooling so much, is that I am blessed to have each day - all day - to be with my children and speak into their lives. More than education, my highest goal is that I use my time in such a way that my children are equipped with wisdom because of the time we have spent together over the years. This requires me to be growing and seeking the Lord so that I have something more to offer them. We are promised in James 1:5 that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it WILL be given to him."

We need wisdom every moment of every day and when we have God's window of wisdom wide open to us, it makes me wonder why I ever attempt things on my own. The stresses of parenting and the moments we feel we can't take any more are often the times that draw us closest to the Lord and remind us that we should not be trying to do this on our own anyway. God is the God of structure, order and design...He is the One who can show us what we need when our babies are sick, our toddlers are defiant and our teenagers are depressed. May we ever turn to Him as the Source of all wisdom, for that is what He is!