OUR WANTS VS. THEIR NEEDS

     I had "my" day all laid out...like a garden planted in perfect rows, the hours of "my" day were going to flow in ideal order, UNTIL...

     The "until" came early on a Saturday morning, as my youngest child stood beside me in the parking lot of a store and gazed dreamily up at a snow covered hill.  "Mom," he asked softly, "wouldn't it be so fun to sled down that hill?"

     My honest answer would have been, "No, I don't like getting cold nor wet, and I have a numbered list of things I am going to do today."

     BUT, my heart stepped in to speak before cold-hearted honesty did, and my real answer to those captivating, baby-blue eyes was, "Yeah, it would, but we're not allowed to sled there.  How about we go to an even bigger hill where we are allowed to sled?"

     In an instant my list flashed before my face and I knew all those boxes waiting to be checked off in systematic order were going to remain empty today.  I grieved silently for a moment, then loaded my kids in the van and headed home to grab sleds and snow-pants.

     The hours that followed were filled with smiles, laughter and bone-weary hikes up the tobogganing hill -- and you know the ending, right?  I wouldn't have traded it for the world when we were done!

     Then why was it so hard to leave my tick-boxes blank if I was trading them in for such perfection of experience?

     I see it as an ongoing challenge of motherhood...it's the never-ending balancing act of blending "our" wants with "their" needs.

     The reality is, we couldn't live our lives on the snow-covered hills every day; but for me, my tendency is to err on the side of responsibility over and over, and forget to have the fun.

     Chances are, you are either nodding your head up and down vigorously at this moment because you know exactly what I'm talking about OR you're shrugging your shoulders with a "what's the big deal" response, because you're the one who needs more time with tick-box days.

     God has created each of us uniquely, as moms, and yet we are all called to do a similar job.  A job that consists of raising children, keeping a home, making multiple daily meals, caring for injuries, shuttling lesson-goers, and on and on.

     Where do you land, Mom?

     Do you know how to discern your wants from their needs?  Do you see that the truth is we will NEVER get this perfect as a balancing act, regardless of whether we are "box-checkers" or "shoulder shruggers"?

     Every day is a new day -- one to be delicately balanced with memory-making and real-life working.  Don't beat yourself up trying to get it perfect.  All we can do is our best; to evaluate what each day needs AND what you are reasonably able to offer it...then enjoy it, while you make some memories along the way.

     "There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

TUMBLED

     I love "before and after" pictures!  Maybe it's because my husband has a renovation company -- I've watched with wonder, for years, what happens when permission is given to tear down the old and replace it with new.  The results are always amazing (and so is my renovator).

     But this week, I experienced a new type of "before and after", while visiting with a friend.  She introduced me to their rock tumbling machine, showing me what the rocks look like before they go in and then the gorgeous examples of what comes out at the end.  The "after" is so stunning, it's hard to fathom they came from the "before" rocks.

     When I learned the process takes a whole month of their machine running non-stop, 24 hours a day, only pausing to add different grades of grit, I was even more impressed.  That's 720 hours of being tumbled.

     Have you ever felt "tumbled" as a mom?  I have.  In fact, I relate to the 24 hour a day feeling too, don't you?

     Sometimes I feel like one of the rocks in my friend's machine.  I think these tumbling experiences will never end...I'm sure the "grit" I'm dealing with couldn't possibly do any good in my life...and I'm positive the end result may look worse than the beginning.  But that's because I'm the rock; not the operator.

     God is the "operator" in our lives and He allows us to be "tumbled" from time to time because He's in the process of making something very unique and beautiful in each of us.  Often we can't see past the grit and chaos to appreciate the beauty; but it's there.  The "before" and "after" pictures promise something stunning...but we can't quite see that far yet.

     That's the joy and challenge of motherhood.  We're often being "tumbled" but our wildest dreams can't conjure what good could be in this for us...but God can!


     As I've stumbled through certain weeks, I sometimes find myself wondering if God remembers that He's left His tumbling machine turned on, with me in it.  But the Bible tells us in Romans 8 that, "In ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him," and this truth reminds me that God never tumbles anything in my life without reason and purpose.

     If you're feeling "tumbled" this week, take time to stop and reflect on some truths from God's Word that will remind your heart that God is in charge.  He will not let you be tumbled longer than necessary.  But He is in the process of creating a masterpiece of a mom!

"So (Jeremiah) went down to the potter's house, 

and I saw him working at the wheel...

then the word of the Lord came to me.  

He said...'Like clay in the hand of the potter, 

so are you in My hand.'" 

Jeremiah 18:3&6   

HOORAY FOR WEAKNESS

 

     You've sat in one of those groups of moms, haven't you?  You know, the circle of chatting women who are sharing the heroics of their perfect kids, modeling the perfect hair-do, while all you seem to be able to pull off is trying to subtly check your breath to see if you remembered to brush your teeth before staggering out the door this morning?

     I've been there.  In fact, I own a few different sizes of that t-shirt, because you know what?  Life can be hard as a mom.

     Every stage of mothering brings new challenges that we've never been through.

     Every child brings new difficulties that we've never faced.

     Every day has problems of its own.

     So...do you want to know how to conquer the emotions of those circles of seemingly "perfect" women?  Do you want to know the secret of silencing the lies that whisper, no SCREAM, in your ears on those hard days?  You need to say HOORAY FOR MY WEAKNESS!

     I don't give this advice lightly.  In fact, it's taken me a long time to reach the point of confidence in my own weaknesses to say this.  And, it's not just my own opinion; it's actually biblical.

     Paul, the "super-apostle" of the New Testament, experienced an epiphany moment with God of this very same nature, in II Corinthians 12:9.  Look at the conversation that occurred between God and Paul...
      "But He (God) said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I (Paul) will BOAST all the more gladly about my WEAKNESSES, so that Christ's power may rest on me."


     Do you hear Paul's determination swelling as the excitement in his heart grows?  He got it!  And as moms, we need to get it!

     God will rush to our side, bringing His awesome power to our situations when we are, ultimately, bragging about our failures and struggles...not when we are touting about the greatness of ourselves or our children.


     Be honest with yourself -- who do you enjoy hanging out with more?  The mom who tells you how you too can "have it all together" if you just do X, Y & Z, OR the mom who shares with a humble smile how she forgot to pick up her child from the bus stop three afternoons this week?  It's a no-brainer, we all find safety in the honest, real mom.

     We all have strengths and weaknesses; and both are needed in our homes, our marriages and our friendships.  Share from your strength in gentle ways to help a friend, but be equally willing to let your hair hang down - long and shaggy - and be real about your weaknesses.  You may be amazed at the doors that will open, the lies that will stop pounding in your head and the joy that will return to your steps.

     You are an AWESOME mom!  You are the one God chose for your children!  You have what it takes IF you combine it with God's amazing power as you say HOORAY for weakness today.

"If I must boast, I will

boast of the things that show 

my WEAKNESS."

II Corinthians 11:30

THE NEW BIG

 
     We clean toilets.  We scrub juice stains.  We kiss little cuts.  And every once in a while we wonder, Am I really doing anything of importance?  Is there any lasting value in my life?


     In one of those recent moments I sensed God's whisper in my heart -- "What if small is the new big?"


     What if all these little things that we do in the daily grind we call motherhood really are HUGE? 


     We carry out millions of seemingly trivial tasks every day and yet rarely pause to reflect on how we are affecting the future.  Each step, each act of love is investing in a whole new generation.

     God sees each effort...each occasion that we feel is insignificant.  Yet, He sees with different eyes.  In Luke 16, Jesus tells us that whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.


     I want to be trusted with much.  So do you.  


     That makes this the season to be trusted with little.


     Faithfulness is the foundation of life.  We are changing the world, when we change diapers with love.  We are impacting the world, when we impact a four year old heart.  We are positively influencing the world, when we positively influence our homes and families.

     Don't let discouraging thoughts darken your small tasks -- think of them as the new big!  You are making a difference in the world, one faithful moment at a time.

"Take a good hard look at Jesus.

He's the centerpiece of everything

we believe, FAITHFUL in everything

God gave Him to do."

Hebrews 3:1&2

   


     

LEADING FROM MISTAKES

     I like to do things well.  Really well.  But I've realized something over these years of parenting that has stretched me as a mom --

     The best leading I do isn't from my perfection; it's from my mistakes.

     God knew this long before I began stumbling down this winding road of parenting.  It's one of the many reasons He told us that when we're weak, He wanted to be strong for us.  But let's be honest, we'd rather lead than lean, wouldn't we?

     We're an independent type of people, but if we are going to truly "succeed" at motherhood, and by definition of succeed I mean become all God wants us to be as moms, then we can't stay stuck on reaching perfection.  We need to discover the contentment of making mistakes despite trying our best and find the joy of leaning on our Father.

     God longs to give us all we need to lead these little, and not so little, ones who require direction.  But we have to accept that we can confidently lead from the mistakes we've already made, far better than the perfection we may aimlessly chase after.

     The irony of our feeble attempts is that the less we TRY and the more we LEAN, the more laughter bubbles up in our homes and the bigger the smiles are that fill the faces of our children.

     Only God is perfect and because of Jesus, we're on a journey that leads to better and better things.  Hebrews 10:14 reminds us of this, "By one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."  Do you hear the verb tenses jumping up and down in that verse?  Has made -- means already accomplished and Being made -- means we are a work in progress.  God doesn't expect more of us than we are able to do but He is ready to use us exactly where we are at!

     So next time you mess up and you find yourself wishing for more perfect outcomes, remember God uses us, mistakes and all, to lead these children He's entrusted in our care.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for My power is made perfect

in weakness."

II Corinthians 12:9

REALLY Loving our Children

     The house resembled the aftermath of an earthquake, the loud voices of children reverberated off the walls and "dad" was due home any minute and would be looking for his supper!  I was not experiencing the emotions of being a loving mommy in that moment . . . but fortunately there's a lot more to love than feelings.

     There is love in its godly, active form -- LOVING, when it's found as a verb.

     We scattered to put quick semblance of order to the messes that seemed to litter every room, I worked to patiently lower the noise level and pull together a chicken stir-fry.  By the end of that day, when young ones were asleep and older ones had their feet resting with a book in hand, life felt a little more hope-filled again.  I was feeling more loving again.

     But what a dangerous thing it is to parent out of our emotions.

     Dr. Dobson had it right years ago, when he said, "Love is a decision."  We daily have to choose to love -- it's our calling as moms to model it to our children and to shower it on our families, as well.

     I came across a poem in a book I was reading last week; although there was no credit to who the author was, evidently it was a rendition of I Corinthians 13.  Listen to what it says . . .

     If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,
     but have not love ~ I am a housekeeper, not a homemaker.
     If I have time for waxing, polishing and decorative achievements,
     but have not love ~ my children learn cleanliness, not godliness.
     Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh.
     Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
     Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
     Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
     Love is present through trials.
     Love reprimands, reproves and is responsive.
     As a mother there is much I must teach my child,
     but the greatest of all is . . . LOVE.


     That poem is now printed and set upon my fridge, lest I forget my God-given call and reorder the values and priorities that He has for my life as a wife and mom.  May you, too, find a way to be reminded that we each are given the opportunity DAILY to choose love as a verb!

"Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others

than for self.  Love...puts 

up with anything, trusts God

always...keeps going to the end."

I Corinthians 13:4&7

A Water-cup Conversation

     "Mommy!  Mommy!"

     I trudged wearily up the stairs to answer the call of my youngest.  "What is it?" I asked, poking my head inside his door.

     "I'm thirsty," came the sweet response, "can you get me some water?"

     This was not my first trip of the evening, but back downstairs I went to fill a cup and then back up to the bedroom.  My efforts, though, were soon rewarded with a precious question . . .

     "Mommy, are you like a servant?  'Cause you do things for me everyday like a servant does."

     I found my heart torn between gladness that my efforts were noticed, and sadness that, yes, I did feel that way often.  But then I reminded myself that that is what God has called me to be -- a servant.  We know that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve, and we are to follow His example.

     Sometimes servants get tired.  Sometimes servants wish they had another job.  Sometimes servants wonder if they are making a difference.  Being a mother is so much more than being a servant, but ultimately is it not the heart that we should have as we minister to our family?

     I left my son's bedroom that night, touched by the "water-cup conversation" we'd had together.  I am glad that he sees me serving him, but I don't want it to stop there.  My hope for each of our children is that we'll be able to foster in their hearts a desire and ability to imitate and learn to serve others also.

     As we model servanthood to our children, we need to also be encouraging them towards serving those around them, because the danger remains that they could be accustomed to only be served.  It's a fine line to walk, but with God's help, I trust that as opportunities are created for them to serve, they too will discover the joy and richness found in serving.

"Don't just do what you have 

to do to get by, but work heartily,

as Christ's SERVANTS doing

what God wants you to do."

Ephesians 6:6

   

Don't Count

     We love math!  Well, most of the time . . . but being a homeschooling family requires that most days hold lots of time for counting and multiplying, dividing and subtracting.  In fact, we never really outgrow math, do we?  As we get older we just find different applications for the same principles we learned when we were young.

     There is one area of my life that I believe God has shown me to stop using math in, and that is in the area of "counting" and effectiveness! 

     Don't you find we are surrounded by people, books and experiences that tell us we are only effective in this world if the numbers are significant?

     If we plan a birthday party, we think the number of people who come reflect popularity.  If we teach Sunday School, we want to know how many kids were in our class.  If we lead a Bible Study, we're tempted to feel we have accomplished more if there are larger numbers in attendance.  Even pastors often fall into the trap of evaluating their effectiveness on the number of people that show up on a Sunday morning. 

     We live in a society that is compelled to count!

     In the book of I Chronicles we are told that mighty king David was tempted by Satan to count the number of fighters that were in Israel.  When David gave the decree for the men to be counted, he acted in willful disobedience towards God and he was severely punished for it.  In fact, God gave him three choices for a consequence; three years of famine, three months of being swept away before his enemies, or three days of plague ravaging all of Israel.  Notice that all the options were wide-spread and would affect far more than just David who sinned in the counting of men.  In the end, he chose the plague and 70,000 men died -- huge ramifications for what seemed an insignificant decision.

     When we determine our effectiveness by "counting" numbers in the areas we're involved in, we are succumbing to using our ways to determine God's outcomes.   

     The point is not to live in fear of God striking down thousands of people -- the point is this:  Satan will tempt us to get our eyes off of what is truly important and valuable and try to put them onto things that are shallow with the world's ways of determining our effectiveness.  That is not God's method! 

     It's been said that, "We are not called to success, we are not called to failure; we are only called to obedience."

     If we spend our days wiping drippy, red noses and picking up dump trucks and dollies, we may not feel very "effective" most days . . . BUT God sees way beyond what we think is trivial and He calls us to invest in our sweet, little children.  May we NEVER be found "counting" our success in the simple accomplishments that we're surrounded by -- it may be years before the fruit of our lives shines -- but we can rest assured that nothing goes unnoticed by God.

"Those who obey His commands

live in Him, and He in them."

I John 3:24

Surrendering Perfectionism

I stared, slightly unbelieving, at the bathroom sinks; waited only a moment, and then attacked them with vigorous swirls of scouring.  How could it be possible that what I had left burnished mere hours before, was covered in dried, pitiful residue?  Residue of what I would rather stay oblivious to.  Then, as I stepped into the next room, where I had aggressively vacuumed only that morning, I discovered a child's fragments of abandoned craft materials...pieces that were too small for her to pick up with her fingers.  I become aware that my heart sinks, more than it should...I become aware again of the pull of perfectionism.

Being somewhat of a perfectionist wife, pre-kids, was quite achievable -- being a perfectionist with five children, two birds and a dog underfoot, is inconceivable!

Daily, as I wake to the bustle that comes from seven of us living 24/7 under one roof, I am reminded of God's priorities for my life.  The constant stretch away from my preferences, is like an elastic band forcibly pulled to its limits.  I feel as if I am pulled far away from what I would naturally choose, and yet I feel God's soft whisper say, You are becoming more of what I want you to be because of this disorder, not in spite of it!

As I take time in God's presence reading His Word each morning, I am still surrounded by limitless activity, but there is a change.  I find I no longer wait for everything to be just so, but I plunge into time with God amidst the commotion.  I have learned that this is the only place I will find the resources I need to face the challenges that will appear in my day...

"Mommm, the dog threw up on the floor again!"

"Mommm, guess who coloured on the wall?!"

"Mommm, she won't give it back to me!"

The chaos that descends is like a tornado on a prairie field, but I feel it is really part of the call to motherhood.  You know what I am talking about, don't you?  You live in that house too!  These are the places -- the extraordinary, awe-inspiring, cray places -- that we call home. 

On the very first day I held that luscious-smelling, howling, exquisite newborn in my arms, I knew God was calling me to more than I had ever known.  The greatest gift God could give me, in the form of children, came with a call.  A grand call... 

The call was to surrender perfectionism over to Him.

The truth is really that God was probably calling me to give perfectionism over long before then, but I had not heard Him over the silence.  It took the noise, the upside-down life, for Him to get my undivided attention.  Each year, I become more cognitive of the fact that this life is not my own.  I was bought with a price -- you were bought with a price -- we are called daily to lay down our desires, pick up our cross, and find real life...beyond the boundaries of perfectionism.

"If you want to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." ~ Jesus, as found in Luke 9:23-24