Monkey See...

     We all know how the expression goes . . . Monkey See, Monkey Do -- but as parents, do we see how our "monkeys" are learning from their surroundings?

     I ponder how easy it is for our children, young or old, to pick up a new bad habit, and yet how hard it is for our children to stop.

     One of our roles as parent, is to determine what is healthy, safe and spiritually beneficial for our children to be exposed to -- AND for the most part, we try really hard and do a good job.  But sometimes we forget the subtle ways that our "monkeys" see behaviour that we don't want them to duplicate until after they have begun to "do".

     I think of how easy it is to let our children just watch a movie, or just play a computer game, or just go outside with friends . . . and all of those activities, on their own, would not fall into the category of wrong or bad UNLESS we are not evaluating the events specifically.  I know, I can hear your voice right now, "But Kristen, it is so hard to evaluate EVERY movie, game and friend."

     I KNOW -- I have been at it for 14 years now!  But as much as I tire of this role and sometimes desperately feel the crushing need for a break at the sacrifice of what they may see, play or hear; I know I can't give up. 

     Many days I wish we lived in a culture less challenging than the one we do, but I am determined to keep going.  The cost of giving up is much too high.

     Does it mean we should all become legalists and make lots of rules and make our "monkey's" lives miserable? NO, but it might mean that we carefully nurture their hearts through our relationship with them by helping them see why some movies contain mouthiness or bad attitudes that we don't want to imitate.  Or it might mean that we show them that playing certain games can cause them to be more rough with their siblings.  Or it might even mean that certain friendships need to be limited in order to guard their own minds and mouths. 

     We must persevere in training our little ones and coaching our older ones. 

     When we are tired of battling the world for our children's hearts we CAN'T throw our arms up in the air in defeat!  We need to take a deep, fresh breath and gently help them see that our values come from God's Word and His best for us, not just some ideas of our own.  Although the day might seem very far away, I believe someday we'll hear their words of appreciation, if we don't give up!

"Let's not get tired of doing

what is good.  At just the right

time we will reap a harvest of

blessing IF we don't give up."

Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

Floating Laughter

The laughter was rich and lingering.  As it floated down the stairs and filled my ears, my heart somersaulted with pleasure.   Sounds of merriment and giggling -- our children lost in the enjoyment of being brothers and sisters.  They carried on for over an hour, and I couldn't bring myself to douse the fire of fun that was burning bright . . . not tonight.  This was the reward -- mine and theirs -- that comes from working through years of petty arguments and thoughtless words.   This was a glimpse into the future of a lifetime of camaraderie . . . a taste of the harvest after much travail in the fields of our family. 

My face relaxes into a contented smile as I reflect on some of the questions that have haunted my mind in the past.  Well-meaning acquaintances that have queried the why's of how we have chosen to "do" life in our home.  A smattering of challenges that have been posed to us, and yet, I realize for me, that . . .

Confidence has replaced question.

I no longer find it necessary to fret.  Do they have enough friendships?  Have they had enough "play dates"?  Are they too isolated?  Will they learn to socialize well if they are not segregated all day?

The answers are powerful and fresh for me.  Time, they say, is the teller of all truth -- I am pleased with what I hear it say . . .

Our children have learned how to frolic with the young and converse elegantly with the old.

They love others well, and they are comfortable with themselves.

Friendships can shift like sand; but investments made close to home are priceless.  Our children love each other deeply, and God says that will cover a multitude of problems.  When the day comes that Daddy and Mommy are gone, I am confident they will have a fortress of strength and love to under gird one another till their end. 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I Peter 4:8



Choosing Influencers for Our Kids

We live in a world where it can be very hard to discern who the right influencers are for our children.  We also live in a world that will tell us that our kids just have to go out and get used to what culture is like.  I want to share something that I feel is very important that relates directly to that and I will tell you why.  When God gave our children to us, He also gave clear mandates in the Bible of what He expects from us, as parents.  Those mandates were not directed to the teachers or to the aunts and uncles or to the friends; it was to us as parents.  That is because we are expected to be training up our chidlren in the way they should go, not someone else.  Yes, there will be many people who will contribute to our children's upbringing, but I believe that we are the ones who were given the task of shaping their hearts.

I want to encourage you with two things -

Number One:  Take the role of knowing who is influencing your children very seriously because no one else is going to

Number Two:  Don't be afraid of making the right decisions, even if it doesn't make you popular with your kids, your family members or your friends

First of all, why do we need to be so serious about influence?  Because we are molding the eternal souls of the most precious people in the world to us.  When God gave the commands to Israel in Deuteronomy 6, He said that they were to be on our hearts, as parents, FIRST and then He said to, "Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." That is a lot of instructing, but clearly it is to be our job.  In the course of the day our children will come into contact with some, or even many other people, and my question is this - Will the values of those people line up with what you are working hard to teach them?  Depending on the stages of our children, we have much more influence in the early years than later on, but each stage is important.  If we know they are going into challenging situations, we need to talk about it ahead of time and help them think through the "what ifs".  And when they come home from those situations, we need to be available to process how things went and be their accountability. 

Needing accountability is not something that I believe goes away because our children turn "X" years old...King David messed up with another man's wife when he was a grown man, (Bathsheba - II Samuel 11) and didn't even recognize it for what it was until God sent him Nathan, his accountability, and David was known as a man after God's own heart.  It doesn't matter what stage of life our children or ourselves are in, we need accountability - I need it now, you need it now, we all need it.  Until our children are given into marriage with their spouse, unless they choose to set up another system - we are their accountability. 

God gives great wisdom through the Word, over and over, about the importance of choosing good friends.  Share these verses with your children and help them see how WHO they spend time with affects them for the good and the bad.  We have had the privilege of some wonderful people in our children's lives and I watch our children reach and stretch for higher heights because of their influences.  But we have also had to work through people in our children's lives that will pull them down quickly.  Our children have to see that, just as it says in Psalm 1, there is joy for, "Those who don't follow the advice of the wicked or stand around with sinners".

Secondly, why do we have to make hard decisions that don't make us popular?  Because that is our job!  I often don't enjoy directing my kids, as it says in Proverbs, "In the way that they should go," but someone has to.  I don't enjoy being the one to point out negative behaviour after they have spent time with a poor influence, but I need to.  I don't want to have to tell them that they can't go to something they really want to go to, but I will if I think it means protecting their hearts.  I want to clarify that I am not talking about isolating here - I am talking about insulating - there is a big difference.  One response would say, "No," to everything, because that is just what feels safest.  But the other response would say, "Let's talk about that and see what kind of influence it will have on you."  And then be willing to make the right decision regardless of the fallout.

One of the greatest challenges in raising our children, is finding the balance.  It may be different for each child, but I can't think of anything that would be more important to pour my energy into doing.  Don't forget, God knows our children individually and He is ready to give the wisdom we need, when we ask.