"Toe" that Line

    
     A yellow line and two pairs of shoes . . . this picture causes my face to break into a big grin; it also yells loudly of the variance of personalities in our home.  As you may already know, having more than one child allows us, as parents, an inside look at how differently God designs each human being.

     If a sign said "Don't cross the yellow line" then likely I'd see five different responses, since I have five different children.  One child would put their toes right up to the line but wouldn't dream of crossing over, another would go right past that line, and then three more would land somewhere in between depending on how the wind was blowing. 

     Does this mean God made a mistake when he designed some of my children? 

     Does it mean I have parented some of them well but failed with the others? (possibly, but not my point)

     Or could it mean that each one is created uniquely with their own set of challenges we have to work on together?

     The sooner we accept that each of our children come pre-wired with their own strengths and weaknesses, the sooner we'll embrace the task of parenting each one AS THEY ARE CREATED!

     If God is able to ensure that no two snowflakes are ever the same, isn't He far more likely to pour out His immense creativity and uniqueness into our children?

     I admit it took a while for me to realize that my consistency with raising each of our children was not yielding similar results, but once I accepted that each child was personalized to their own ways, I began to enjoy it a little more.  Some of the best advice I remembering hearing in the early days came from the Ezzos when they said, "We don't lower the standards of behaviour depending on the child, but we bring each child to the standard."  That was HUGE for me!

     Once we see and understand that each child can't be compared to his or her siblings, let alone "Molly" or "Tommy" down the street, we can be set free to see each of our children exactly as God created them to be.  We'll see that although we have our work cut out with each one, it'll be in different areas of training.  Where one child finds it easy to be outgoing and polite, they may struggle with telling the truth.  Another child may feel close to death when they have to greet a stranger but never dream of being dishonest.  This doesn't make one child "better" than another -- but simply set apart for what God has planned for that specific child (and what we need to correct as we train them).

    Don't be discouraged if you have a child (or two) that's threatening to drive you around a bend -- God chose you as their parent because He KNEW you'd have what it takes to train, equip and raise this (these) child(ren) in the ways they need to go.  Don't give up or grow soft . . . now is the time to keep the standard raised and encourage them to reach out for that goal!

"Before I shaped you in the womb,

I knew all about you.  Before you saw

the light of day, I had holy plans for you."

Jeremiah 1:5



Frustration to Blessing

     The creases furrowed across my youngest son's forehead.  They spoke silently of the mounting frustration inside his small frame.  His current desire was to create a car from his building blocks -- a worthy goal for a determined young four year old IF he had enough supplies.  But given the meager scatterings of blocks he attempted to work from, the task seemed infeasible.

     "Mommmm!"  The call came from the upstairs and seemed to boast of hopelessness.  "I CAN'T DO IT!"  

     My four year old spoke the words with echoes of discouragement.  My mother's heart wished I could wave a wand a make piles of blocks appear, but our budget disagreed with my longings.  Little did I know, something much better was about to transpire.

     Around the corner strolled my oldest son, bulking shoulders and height that caused me, for a moment, to catechize that he could really be mine.  His face, full of secrets and surprise, with sunlight sparkling from his eyes, seemed to contain an unveiled plan.  I doubt I will forget the words that followed next . . .

     "Hey buddy, since you and I are sharing a room now, I have an idea.  How about all MY blocks..." 

     My eyes filled with liquid faster than I imagined possible.  Was he really about to do what it sounded like he would?  The blocks that he had spent his lifetime collecting, guarding and saving for?  Then it happened,  the words poured out sweet and rich . . .

     ". . . become OUR blocks.  We can share them and play with it together, now that you are such a big guy."

     My heart overflowed with thankfulness for this young man that stood before me.  The arguments and squabbles faded out of my mind and all I could see was the gift.  In this moment in time, I saw a heart that God had access to, and the reward was great.  Life has brought enough experience to make me conscious of the fact that this is only a piece of the puzzle that holds both light and dark, good and bad -- but I am at rest with that.  I rejoiced in the gift of love shared between brothers -- years apart in age, but close in heart.

     Then, as if God whispered in my ear, I heard, "That is a picture of who I am.  Your God, who is MORE than enough." The truth resonated deep within, as I pondered these words.  Yes, I thought, I am the one with the meager scatterings that attempts to do things on my own, until You come with Your bountiful provision, far more than enough, for all that I need.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights." James 1:17



Floating Laughter

The laughter was rich and lingering.  As it floated down the stairs and filled my ears, my heart somersaulted with pleasure.   Sounds of merriment and giggling -- our children lost in the enjoyment of being brothers and sisters.  They carried on for over an hour, and I couldn't bring myself to douse the fire of fun that was burning bright . . . not tonight.  This was the reward -- mine and theirs -- that comes from working through years of petty arguments and thoughtless words.   This was a glimpse into the future of a lifetime of camaraderie . . . a taste of the harvest after much travail in the fields of our family. 

My face relaxes into a contented smile as I reflect on some of the questions that have haunted my mind in the past.  Well-meaning acquaintances that have queried the why's of how we have chosen to "do" life in our home.  A smattering of challenges that have been posed to us, and yet, I realize for me, that . . .

Confidence has replaced question.

I no longer find it necessary to fret.  Do they have enough friendships?  Have they had enough "play dates"?  Are they too isolated?  Will they learn to socialize well if they are not segregated all day?

The answers are powerful and fresh for me.  Time, they say, is the teller of all truth -- I am pleased with what I hear it say . . .

Our children have learned how to frolic with the young and converse elegantly with the old.

They love others well, and they are comfortable with themselves.

Friendships can shift like sand; but investments made close to home are priceless.  Our children love each other deeply, and God says that will cover a multitude of problems.  When the day comes that Daddy and Mommy are gone, I am confident they will have a fortress of strength and love to under gird one another till their end. 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I Peter 4:8



Rear Guard in Parenting

There are days in parenting - many, in fact - that I can feel that I am in over my head with the issues I face as a mom.  Do you have days like that?  It is during those times that we need to keep the perspective of Who gave these children to us to raise and that His desire for them to flourish is even greater than our own.  There is a verse in Isaiah that paints a picture of one of the ways God is with us, that has powerfully impacted me.  It says in Isaiah 52:12, "The Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  Can you picture that with me?  If God is before us AND behind us as our rear guard - is there any place that we are not protected?  No, He has us covered, watching over from the front and the back.

When I have felt that I cannot possibly deal with the issues facing me in parenting, this is one of the verses that God has brought to remind me of His ability to work through these times with me.  I was reminded of this recently, when I was facing an attitude issue with one of my children in the way they were treating their siblings.  This child was completely resisting my encouragement and designated consequences that I was implementing to try and modify their behaviour, and the treatment of siblings was declining.  Finally, out of frustration (and I am not sure this was the best way to handle it but God was faithful), I told this child that I was not sure what was going on in their heart but they needed to get alone and figure it out because the behaviour toward siblings could not continue.  This child came back to me only moments later with a smile on their face and a look of shock...here is why.  They had walked back into the school room and picked up their Handwriting workbook (which is based on scripture verses), with still no further desire to change their own heart, God had stepped in.  This child told me, "Mom, of all the days to write out a verse, let alone the verse that was chosen - I can't believe this one.  I know God is trying to speak to me." The verse was from Proverbs 11:17 & 18 and it read, "Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel...the good man's reward lasts forever."  I have to tell you that the fruit of God dealing with my child, after I had done my best, were night and day.  This child enjoyed the rest of the day with a peaceful heart and a kindness to siblings that was unmatched from weeks prior.  God was before me and behind me as a rear guard so clearly that day, as I gave my meager offering in attempting to parent, He stepped in and blew me out of the water.

Obviously, this does not mean that I will not have issues again on this topic, with this child; but as in the past when God has spoken to one of them, there is a reference point to go back to.  There is far more fruit when God becomes personally involved in our parenting, than when we try to do it alone.  Ask God to be your rear guard and back you on issues you may be facing as you train up your children in the way they need to go - He will be faithful.

Best Friends

Best Friends...Siblings...is it possible the two can mean the same thing? I believe with all my heart it is, but many days I am walking by faith and not by sight on that one. There are many squabbles to grow through before the fruit can really be enjoyed.

I am sure you can relate to the joys of helping children understand that they are each other's best friend, if you have more than one child. In fact, that is a statement we repeat to each of them, over and over, trying to lay the foundation of the value of their siblings - you are each other's best friend.

There are so many truths that the Word provides us that we need to share with our children. I think back to when our oldest two children were about five and three, and we were discussing Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." I was sharing this with our then five year old son, with the goal of helping him see the importance of recognizing his sister was his best friend. Without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, "But mom, it says brothers are for adversity." We looked together more closely to see that it means they are they for hard times to lean on...I think he was a little disappointed.

The heart of what I want to share is this - children will fight. It is a fact that is accepted for every family BUT it is not to end there. It is the pathway that we are given as parents, to guide our children in the ways of godly, loving relationships. When I think of our five children and how many arguments I have to judge in, I feel like a leader of old that used to have to sit on his throne all day and listen to both sides of stories. Helping our children work through their disagreements in a calm way is not an easy task, but it is one of the most important tasks that they must have our help in. And when we can model for them a calm heart and quiet spirit (and I am not saying I have arrived, I am sharing my aim), we are equipping them for life.

The scripture that blesses me over and over as a priceless reminder to my training with our children, is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." May God fill our mommy mouths with gentle words so that we don't stir up anger in our children's hearts and our homes.