Weary of Saying No

   The warm, yellow rays soothed my skin and I could feel my body start to relax.  Thank you, God, for sunshine and a moment of peace, 'cause mothering seems extra hard today.  How can one day seem so easy and immediately following, the next day seem so hard?

     So much that we experience in parenting is really a matter of our perspective, isn't it?

     If, in my mind, I felt that I shouldn't have to tell my children "no" more than ten times in a day, then on time # 11, I'd probably begin to experience weariness or frustration.

     What if I expected that my entire day -- minute by minute -- could require me to consistently hold to an answer previously given?  Would I then perceive that things are as they should be?

     You see, in this day by day, week by week, journey of parenting, I'm called to consistency.  It doesn't matter whether I feel tired or lazy, the same standard remains for me as mom, as it does for my kids as the children.

     How often, though, do I feel my children still need to adhere to obedience while I take a break on my congruity?


     When put into those terms, I see the need for more grace extended to my own self, as the mom, but also the need for more courage to keep going.  We all get weary . . . that's to be expected when we are tackling the greatest role there is out there!  But there's a difference between weariness (we need a break) and laziness (we just don't "feel" like it).

     How do we juggle it all?  We ask God to show us where the balance needs to be -- how to be willing to give ourselves a respite but then be ready to go back to our role with renewed love and gentle determination.  They say, "Rome wasn't built in a day" and fortunately neither are our children.  Each day is a fresh beginning and another opportunity to mold our children into who God wants them to become.

"We do not want you to become lazy,

but to imitate those who through faith

and patience inherit what has been promised."

Hebrews 6:12

P.S. ~  One fun thing to try, too, that I was told years ago -- is that although the word "no" can, and should, be used -- see how many other ways you can intersperse instruction with positive wording.  For example, instead of, "No, you can't have a sucker", try, "Even though you can't have a sucker, you may have an apple." It is so easy to get stuck in the police mode of no, no, no; when there are so many other happy ways to answer a precious question.  Keep loving those little ones!

Challenges of Consistency

I find it hard to believe that our family has packed away the highchair and we are officially out of the toddler stages with our five children.  Somehow, when you are in the middle of those years, you feel it will stay that way forever ~ then suddenly, you look back and realize it is likely over for good.  I know some of you, that still have young ones, may read this and think, "Oh, I am so tired of these busy, messy days; I can't wait for it to be over."  And I do understand, it feels like you can't get your head above water to see if what you are doing is even working.  But I have one word to share with you that will help you finish these early days successfully, with the hope that your hard work will pay off in the end ~ CONSISTENCY.

Consistency means doing the same thing over and over; it means that the same action receives the same reaction, over and over.  And, it means you get tired.  Sometimes discouraged when you are being consistent but not seeing the results.  Which is why I want to share this with you...IF you can keep on training those toddlers even when you don't see immediate results, you will benefit later.  I am sure you have heard that before, but it is easy to get weary of disciplining when we don't see change come.  We live in a society that embraces and promotes everything "instant" and that is one thing parenting is not!  We have to be like the tortoise and not the hare - it is slow and steady that will "win" this race of parenting.

What are times for consistency?  Almost all times - the highchair is a perfect opportunity to be consistent.  For example, if young Bobby decides to toss his crackers on the floor, he needs to be corrected and told no.  We all know what comes next - he will try it again...WHY?  Because toddlers are all about cause and effect - both in experimental ways like tossing crackers but also in practical ways, like whether mom is going to tell me no again.  I have read some pretty crazy theories that tell moms to let their babies and toddlers throw food as it teaches them the law of gravity - give me a break!  There are a million ways that our toddlers will learn about the law of gravity while NOT in their highchair - that does not need to be discovered there.  Don't give up on consistency!

Another great opportunity for consistency, is bedtime.  Once that little person has graduated from their crib into a toddler bed (ours were right around their 2nd birthday), they are ready to learn that they need to stay in their bed until they are allowed to get up.  What does that look like?  With each of our children (with many thanks to the Ezzo's books), we told them that they were not allowed to get out of their beds once they were put there.  That meant if they needed to go to the bathroom or get a drink, they had to call us and ask.  Or when they woke up in the morning, I savoured the sweet sounds floating down the hall of, "Mommy, can I get up now?".  It also meant that if we came down the hallway and saw them sneaking a book, it required that we followed up immediately with disciplining for the disobedience - every time!  That is where consistency comes in again.

Depending on the strength of the will, with each child, it will be different how many times your consistency will be tested - but be assured, it will.  And as much as we don't enjoy disciplining it is our job as mothers.  Not an optional one, but one of the most important ones.  Yes, it is tiring!  Yes, it feels like it is not working!  Yes, it is very often not convenient!  But it is invaluable to us and to our children.

Remember, the goal of training good behaviour into our children is not so people will be impressed that they know how to obey.  It is so that as they grow and mature, they are able to be a light and example to others of the Lord Jesus living in their lives.  It is also so that when God speaks to their hearts, they are not bent on arguing or seeing if they feel like obeying - they will do what God asks because they have learned obedience is the best way, because of the consistency of their parents.

Ecclesiastes 11:6 "Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well."

How Do You Find Time?

Let's tackle the topic of getting time in the Word, because that can be very hard to do, can't it?  I am going to assume the value is there for you to want to be in the Word but the next question comes - HOW DO YOU FIND TIME?  We live in a society and a generation that often lives beyond the point of healthy balance and life is full of demands that we feel we need to meet.  If you value the importance of being in God's Word but can't seem to find the time, what should you do?

What I want to share with you comes from what I have learned over time and continued to implement, but it has to begin with a question ~ How badly do you want to spend time with God and in His Word?  Because I can tell you all my disciplines and routines, but if you only think it of moderate importance to be reading your Bible, it won't matter to you.  Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek me and find me WHEN you seek me with all your heart."  So if your heart is not yet there, determine to begin the routine of being in the Word regardless of how you "feel" and ask God to increase your desire ~ He will!

Since having babies, which began over thirteen years ago for me, I have realized the increased challenge that comes with carving out time for this most valuable discipline.  When my first babies were little, I began to press in and determine to be in the Word on a daily basis but I felt it had to be early in the morning and with new babies that seemed impossible and I was very discouraged.  Then the Lord showed me something that transformed my ability to take time with Him - it was a first fruits issue.  This means that as I prayed about my frustration of needing to nurse a baby first thing in the morning and how hard it was to find time to be up earlier (especially if I had been up in the night a lot), I felt like God gave me this question to apply to my desire of being in the Word - What was my most precious time of consistent quietness?  And was I willing to give it to Him?  Just like with tithing, when we give the first fruits of our money BEFORE we pay the bills, I felt like God was asking me to give Him my very best time in my day BEFORE I did other things I might like to do with that time.  I applied that starting then, and have never looked back - it has carried me through every stage thus far.

What is unique for me as a mom, is that during different stages, that time slot has changed at various times but because God gave me a clear principle, my time in the Word has remained very consistent.  During the stages in my life so far, when I have had nursing babies, my first fruit time was around 1:00 in the afternoon when everyone was down for naps or a rest.  Now that my youngest is getting older, for the past few years I have turned back to mornings and promising myself to be showered, dressed and in my quiet time spot by 7:00 in the morning.  This is not about law or legalism dictating that I have to do this or God won't love me - He loves you and me regardless of whether we crack open our Bibles at all this week.  BUT if He has strength for me to draw on, a desire to hear my heart and for me to worship Him, wisdom to give me what I need with my children, patience to get me through the exhausting moments - why would I not do whatever it takes to be with Him?

I can promise you that opposition will come against that time; the phone will ring, kids will need you, thoughts of things that seem pressing to accomplish will flood over you - but don't give up!  Keep pressing into the Lord and time with Him.  Don't let the busyness of life and the noise of our environments drown out the One who loves you more than anyone ever could!  He wants to be with you and is waiting to spend time with you.

(Here is a link to an older post in which I share more on this topic - enjoy)  http://www.myheartathome.com/2010/03/why-read-bible.html

Start Small ~ While They Are

Have you ever seen an empty toilet paper roll on the holder in your home?  I have in our home - many times.  The good news for me is that I saw empty rolls far more often in the past than I do now and there is a reason for that.  We started our kids with small chores when they were small and they have grown into chores in great ways.  I am quite sure that the fact that I "let" them change the rolls when they really couldn't has equaled not having a struggle to get them to change them now.  If there is an empty roll, they just grab the next roll and switch it.

Not very exciting or inspiring yet, I realize - but I do have a point.  As we allow them to "help" in the early days when we all know, as parents, it is taking much longer than it would if we were working alone, we will find later that they are doing jobs without being told they have to.  Not only will the basic jobs get done, but hopefully they will have learned to go above and beyond what just has to be done and finish well.  It can be done but it takes hard work and consistency on our part.

The other day my husband had to load a piece of machinery on his truck and asked our now thirteen year old to give him a hand.  My husband came in the house later that day and said he stood in awe as he watched our son go beyond what he was asked to do and find the necessary tie downs and ropes and finish the job without instruction.  This is what it is all about - I want our children to not avoid work but embrace it but it needs to start young.  I want them to be like Paul in I Corinthians 4:11 who said, "We work hard with our own hands."  But I have parented long enough to know that it will never happen by accident.  Keep requiring the work and eventually the ability and willingness will follow.  So go show that two year old how to change a roll of toilet paper!