Diamonds In the Snow



I travel back in time and remember.  My eyes are drawn to the sparkle on my finger and the thrill that had rushed through my being.  My own diamond . . . a ring from the one I loved, that spoke of a lifetime of promise.  The exquisite elegance of a gem prized above almost all others in existence.  Memories of dreams gone by flash through my mind and I recall the hopes of a young girl.  They had only begun to come true.

I rush back to the present, almost two decades later, and again I contemplate that same diamond on my hand . . . this time the coruscation of the stone divulges volumes more.  Gone is the idealism.  It has been replaced with the verity of time.  Reflections of years of plenty and the years of little.  Whispers of joys and trials -- commitments kept and disappointments experienced.  Babies, toddlers, a teenager. 

Nothing prior to a diamond can prepare for how much LIFE follows after.  That is the wonder and the struggle.  And there is still much unwritten.

Seasons of the diamond. 

I reflect on these things as I step outside into the brilliance of snow -- it seems to be alive all around me.  I squint quickly; the intensity of the sun is overwhelming.  The icy wind slaps my face.  I inhale and the frigid air burns my lungs, but I continue on, desperate to capture a moment with these diamonds of snow.  And I wonder to myself, How did it take this Northern girl part a lifetime to realize the reason for diamonds in the snow? 

I have finally become aware that their breath-taking elegance is only there to be enjoyed when the conditions have been extreme.  There are no diamonds to be relished in the snow after a cool or even mildly cold night -- the diamonds only appear in their wonder, when the temperatures have dropped harshly. 

The sacrifice that diamonds in the snow have to render, to earn their gleam, speaks to my heart.  It calls out in a soft, low voice and tells me similar value has come to the diamond on my hand.  God's words ripple through my thoughts, "Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless." (Daniel 11:35)   

True to God's nature; nothing is wasted.  He has used the trials to increase the radiance. 

I gaze once more at the diamonds in the snow before I escape from the cold and I know I have been given a glimpse of God's purposes for pain.  It is in this place of the embrace of the valleys, not in the retreat from them; that I have discovered the resplendence of my own diamond, still resting on my hand.

"We, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord."

II Corinthians 3:18

After "I Do"



Is there anything that can really prepare you for real life in marriage after you have said, "I do"?  When I think of that question, it makes me think that it would be like asking a mom if anything she read prior to childbirth fully prepared her for the pain of giving birth?  I would have to give a resounding NO to both those questions - Why, because it is all misery from that point on?  OF COURSE NOT, but there are extremes of highs and lows that take you beyond what you feel your limits would be, both in marriage and childbirth.

I just finished reading an amazing autobiography this month, and when asked by a friend what the best part of the book was, I had to laugh at my answer...because it was the opening dedication.  It sounds silly to read 250 pages of wonderful sharing and wisdom, and find the golden nugget in a simple dedication, but listen to what the author said..."To my husband...my best friend, and if I am honest - at times - my worst enemy."  I was so impressed that she would choose to be so honest, but I loved it.  Oh, that we would all be so wisely honest and transparent.

One of my deep desires when I share with moms, especially those younger than I am, is that I am able to find the freedom to be very honest, while still exercising wisdom in being gently cautious.  Just like it does not demonstrate wisdom to "let it all hang out" and it is not fair to our husbands; it is also not right to hold it all in and give a false picture of our lives and how "together" we have it.  It is only God's wisdom in our lives, that can show us what is wise to share and what is best to keep behind closed doors; but my hope is that by opening the door to challenges and the dark times that can come with marriage, you will not feel so alone.

Marriage is the most intimate relationship we can share with another person BUT marriage is hard work!  I came across a quote from a church workbook this month that said, "You can't have intimacy without conflict".  My first thought was of how true that was, and my second thought was - Why didn't anyone tell me that?  Isn't it interesting how we can go through the dating and engagement time period, and if you are anything like I was, read lots of books and think you are so fully prepared, but then realize you didn't really have a clue?  It goes back to the beginning of these thoughts and the irony there is in reading books about the pain of childbirth and thinking we know what we are getting into, doesn't it?

So what is my point in all of this?  Marriage is tough, so deal with it?  NOT AT ALL!  I believe because we live in a world that has fallen so far from God's original design for marriage, we have to work hard to discover all that God intends for us to enjoy within the bonds of that relationship.  I also feel that we have to be very aware of the enemy's intentions to destroy the very institution that God created to make us stronger and more complete than if we were alone.  We have to CHOOSE to never give up!  I love the picture that God gives us in Ecclesiastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  I believe that the third strand represents Christ in our marriage relationship, and when He is at the centre, we should be strong indeed.

That clears that up then, right? Life is easy now?  No, as long as we are on this green earth, life will have its hills, including spectacular mountain peaks; and its lows, including deep, dark valleys.  My longing as I share today, is not that you go away discouraged but that you realize there is hope; and with Jesus in our marriage there is always hope.  But in some strange way there is also hope in knowing that dark, hard times are as real and "normal" as the happy, good times. 

I want to challenge you with a fun assignment (I have already done it myself) ~ If you are married, take some time to think of a favourite memory of your spouse that comes from the early dating/courting days.  Focus on what you really appreciated about them, remembering when you were convinced you had met the person who would make you happy for the rest of your life (oops, notice the selfishness in that thought).  Let your mind ponder for a while, the feelings and thoughts you savoured back then and savour it once more.  Then look for a way to tell your spouse how much you love them now.  Have fun!

Safeguards in Marriage

You may be wondering what safeguards and seat belts have to do with marriage - here is what I am thinking about. You cannot get into a car or van anymore, without seeing the vehicle well equipped with seat belts for everyone...why is that? As we all know, seat belts have been proven a thousand times over to save lives. I must admit, though, when I get into our van and do up my seat belt and those of my children before I drive out our driveway, I do not do it expecting to have an accident. Nor should I - I do it knowing that although it is highly unlikely we will have an accident, they are keeping our whole family safe - just in case!

That is a long introduction to explain how I view safeguards in marriage - what I am about to share on with this topic, my husband and I have been criticized and looked down on for. But the further I go in marriage and the more marriages I watch around me, the more convinced I am that we all should be practicing sound safeguards. Here is what safeguards are to us - they are limits and wise decisions made before a situations arises that allow my husband and I to have predetermined standards that we have committed to follow. Sound confusing? Let me expand...

Within Christian marriages, the value of being faithful to your spouse is strongly recognized and supported. But there are a lot of small steps that a Christian would have to take to move from committed in marriage to leaving the commitment to one's spouse. How do those steps happen? That is where safeguards come in. As a practice, my husband does not spend time alone with women, whether business dinners, driving in his vehicle, etc. and I choose not to have men in our home, nor take rides or time alone without my husband there. These examples are a little tricky, because at first glance the average person might say that they wouldn't either, but as you live them out you start to see the challenges. Keeping committed to these safeguards, and ultimately your spouse, to this extent, can cause great inconveniences, and it has multiple times for us. I remember asking a gentleman that needed to wait for my husband, to wait on the porch until my husband got home (it didn't go over so well, but without kids home with me I still felt it was the right thing to do). My husband has had to pay his staff large dollars in mileage so that they travel in separate vehicles to meetings and events, he has also had to make some tough choices with business dinners as he meets with clients, but he has done it as well. Not only are we safeguarding our marriage, we are giving each other a security within our relationship that many couples do not enjoy.

Sometimes when we start to share examples like that, people start to feel judged or that it is overkill, but I would like to argue that they are not and it is not. Here is why - in Proverbs 4, Solomon gives us further insight, he says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day...pay close attention to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart...above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life...Let your eyes look straight ahead...make level paths for your feel and take only ways that are firm...Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

We live within a culture that looks very lightly at vows and commitments and we will certainly not find biblical values being supported in the general media or within many secular work relationships or friendships. I believe God calls us over and over to radical living - when we were told to be in the world and not of the world, I think this could be part of living that out. As with all things, this could be taken to extremes and that is not what I am referring to, but I do want to raise a bar from where I see the comfort level of the average young, Christian couple. As our children have gotten older they have also become accountability for us too - sometimes my husband will take our oldest with him if he needs to speak somewhere with some women involved, or I have found it appropriate to have men wait for my husband because the kids are awake and with me at home - it is not about law and rules, it is about the heart issue. Solomon referred to guarding our hearts above all else because they are our wellspring of life - if the enemy plans to lead us down a dangerous path, it will start out with some nice smelling roses and our hearts being slowly drawn away, not big danger signs and a one time event. Don't be legalistic but be so wise.

The directives are very clear, if we are going to guard our hearts, look straight ahead, make level paths and keep from evil - it requires some drastic measures. Sadly, some of our good friends that have fallen out of godly marriages had the best of intentions but many times we watched them compromise on small things and in the end lose on the big things. It is not worth it! I take us back to the beginning with seat belts...we put them on because although we may feel almost certain nothing will happen we want to be absolutely doing our best to be safe. Likewise, although we may feel absolutely certain our marriages our solid - why would we risk the chance? Would you rather get to the end of life and have enjoyed fifty years of marriage and wonder if you were a bit cautious or get ten or twenty years down the road and wish with all you've got you could just go back and do it over? Guard your marriage - it is the most important relationship you and your children have got!