Taking Time

     The first sound that greets our ears, as we step into the impressive multi-storied structure, is the sweet sound of voices singing the praises of God.  I am sure these voices will forever take my breath away -- every time we visit -- for they are the voices of women who have spent their lives in service and dedication to God, and they are lovelier than room full of fragrant, scarlet roses.  These are the nuns, and they have given their strongest years of life in locations around the world, showing God's love to whomever they met, and still they serve.

     Only short moments later, they file out of their retirement chapel . . . slowly, but still with life in their steps.  We stand to the side and greet them with quiet nods and smiles.  Our hostess offers them to join us for tea and sweets, and their responses vary -- some are on their way to visit others more elderly than themselves, one has emails to send to nuns in South America (she is in her 80's), some are on their way to prayer, but some have time to follow us for a visit.  And these are some of the richest occasions my children and I have come to know.

     "It is so good to see you again," shares one nun who is in her nineties.

     "I am so glad you came to see us.  How are you?" another inquires.

     "Did you bake this fudge for us?  That is my favourite treat," beams again another.

     My eleven year-old gingerly carries around a platter of brown-sugar fudge, while the other children look for a table that needs a guest.  They have learned how to carry their peach juice in hand and find a seat that will give them a window into the stories of women with history as deep as the sea.  Sometimes I sit with my four year-old, sometimes I wander to the others, but ALWAYS I listen to the flow of the chatter and the chronicles of time that pass in the hour we linger with them.

     How could I have thought we were too busy for this?  I ponder how close I came to replacing this outing with other needs that pressed for my attention . . . but this is where real life happens.  This is what my children will remember for years to come.  This is the richness of the aged, sharing with my young ones, and this wisdom can't be bought.

     I hear laughter and spot a game of "hands" being played.  I grab for my camera and try to capture a memory of the day, even though I know when it is shared at home, justice will not be served for the prolific happiness we enjoy.

     Time passes quickly and the ladies begin to get up and say their goodbyes.  It is time for us to let them go on to the other things their day holds.  We are sorry to go -- I realize this is where my children have learned best how to ask questions, how to appreciate the accounts of seasons in the past, and how to respect the aged.  All skills that I previously assumed would have occurred more naturally . . . but I have come to realize that these too have to be taught, practiced and modeled.

    "Wasn't that fun?"

     "Did you hear the story from Sister Anna?"

     "I am so glad I wore a dress, they really liked it!"

     The half hour drive home passes quickly, as everyone shares their choice recollection of the morning.  My mouth can't help but stay upturned, as I reflect on how fast time moves past and how important these occasions are for all of us.  I remember the nuns' appreciation of our visit and my smile grows even larger -- they still don't realize that they give back much more to us in love, than we could ever give to them.  This must be God's perfect order of age and life in action!
 

"Is not wisdom found among the aged?

Does not long life bring understanding?" 

Job 12:12

A Game of "Hands"



After "I Do"



Is there anything that can really prepare you for real life in marriage after you have said, "I do"?  When I think of that question, it makes me think that it would be like asking a mom if anything she read prior to childbirth fully prepared her for the pain of giving birth?  I would have to give a resounding NO to both those questions - Why, because it is all misery from that point on?  OF COURSE NOT, but there are extremes of highs and lows that take you beyond what you feel your limits would be, both in marriage and childbirth.

I just finished reading an amazing autobiography this month, and when asked by a friend what the best part of the book was, I had to laugh at my answer...because it was the opening dedication.  It sounds silly to read 250 pages of wonderful sharing and wisdom, and find the golden nugget in a simple dedication, but listen to what the author said..."To my husband...my best friend, and if I am honest - at times - my worst enemy."  I was so impressed that she would choose to be so honest, but I loved it.  Oh, that we would all be so wisely honest and transparent.

One of my deep desires when I share with moms, especially those younger than I am, is that I am able to find the freedom to be very honest, while still exercising wisdom in being gently cautious.  Just like it does not demonstrate wisdom to "let it all hang out" and it is not fair to our husbands; it is also not right to hold it all in and give a false picture of our lives and how "together" we have it.  It is only God's wisdom in our lives, that can show us what is wise to share and what is best to keep behind closed doors; but my hope is that by opening the door to challenges and the dark times that can come with marriage, you will not feel so alone.

Marriage is the most intimate relationship we can share with another person BUT marriage is hard work!  I came across a quote from a church workbook this month that said, "You can't have intimacy without conflict".  My first thought was of how true that was, and my second thought was - Why didn't anyone tell me that?  Isn't it interesting how we can go through the dating and engagement time period, and if you are anything like I was, read lots of books and think you are so fully prepared, but then realize you didn't really have a clue?  It goes back to the beginning of these thoughts and the irony there is in reading books about the pain of childbirth and thinking we know what we are getting into, doesn't it?

So what is my point in all of this?  Marriage is tough, so deal with it?  NOT AT ALL!  I believe because we live in a world that has fallen so far from God's original design for marriage, we have to work hard to discover all that God intends for us to enjoy within the bonds of that relationship.  I also feel that we have to be very aware of the enemy's intentions to destroy the very institution that God created to make us stronger and more complete than if we were alone.  We have to CHOOSE to never give up!  I love the picture that God gives us in Ecclesiastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  I believe that the third strand represents Christ in our marriage relationship, and when He is at the centre, we should be strong indeed.

That clears that up then, right? Life is easy now?  No, as long as we are on this green earth, life will have its hills, including spectacular mountain peaks; and its lows, including deep, dark valleys.  My longing as I share today, is not that you go away discouraged but that you realize there is hope; and with Jesus in our marriage there is always hope.  But in some strange way there is also hope in knowing that dark, hard times are as real and "normal" as the happy, good times. 

I want to challenge you with a fun assignment (I have already done it myself) ~ If you are married, take some time to think of a favourite memory of your spouse that comes from the early dating/courting days.  Focus on what you really appreciated about them, remembering when you were convinced you had met the person who would make you happy for the rest of your life (oops, notice the selfishness in that thought).  Let your mind ponder for a while, the feelings and thoughts you savoured back then and savour it once more.  Then look for a way to tell your spouse how much you love them now.  Have fun!

Patience in the Kitchen & Everywhere Else

Oh, to have more patience! Is that not the whispered prayer of every mother you meet?  We know in our hearts that God must have more for us than frustration in moments of pressure, and yet, it is often hard to rise above those emotions.  I am glad to say that as we continue to press into God, over time, He takes us to new levels of patience that we would not have imagined possible - but I am sorry to say, it is not instantaneous.

When I think back to my early days of baking in the kitchen with my children, as an example; I remember lots of moments of fun, that blend together with moments of mommy's significant lack of patience.  It was not the way I wanted to be, but due to having my own set of standards and expectations, I often found my patience was what was lacking.  As I have grown as a mom and a woman, I have found God has done, and definitely continues to do, a deep work in my heart which has allowed patience to increase.  Now when eggs drop on the counter (see above) it can be time for laughter and not frustration.  Know what your areas of greatest weakness in excericising patience are and ask God to help you with that specifically.  When the Bible speaks of patience, it is recognized as one of the fruits that the Spirit produces in us and not just something that comes from "trying harder".  The most important step we can take, is to continue to ask God to fill us with His Spirit, in order to walk out the daily moments in the ways He would have us to.

It is challenging, as a mom, to find the balance in our lives that keeps us from being too hard on ourselves when we do lose our cool; and yet, NEVER settling for acceptance that lack of patience must be just the way we are.  We are told in the Word that LOVE is patient (I Cor.13), and we are called to be patient with everyone (I Thess. 5).  God would not tell us these things if they were not achievable - so don't accept your current situation (that is, if you feel you struggle in lacking patience) as the final answer to this problem. 

Press into God and ask Him to grow more patience in you; and do not believe the lie that it means He will just bring more troubles your way.  That is one of the most overused arguments I have ever heard around the topic of praying for patience - we know that God never allows more than we can handle and He works ALL things for our good, so we should welcome all areas of life as opportunities to grow.  Remember some of the most beautiful flowers that are in the world, are often found growing in the most challenging of environments; if we want God to grow in us a fragrance that blesses our family and others, we need to be open to God's gardening in our lives.

As we spend time in God's Word, we will grow in understanding and wisdom, and as Proverbs 19:11, "A person's wisdom makes him slow to anger."  As we become wise to God's ways, we will grow in applying His truth to the moments of frustration that we will encounter.  Don't give up in growing in patience!

More Wisdom

The older my children become, the more I realize how much more wisdom I need. It seemed to me in the early years, as I transitioned into motherhood, although it was not easy, it did not require great amounts of wisdom - for a while you can get by with basic knowledge of "how to" information. But as those precious little ones grow older, knowledge is no longer sufficient...we must have wisdom (and the reality is, we need wisdom at each stage - I am referring to the sense of desperate need for wisdom).

There is only one source of true wisdom and that comes from God through His Word, and I find myself pursuing this more passionately all the time. I am becoming increasingly aware of the importance of being well equipped as I enter into the new stages of life that come with older children (and I know I still have a long ways to go). There is much wisdom to be gained from friends and mentors who have gone before as well, but I want to look for the wisdom that they have gained from experience with God, not earthly sources.

A mentor and friend shared with me recently that I needed to be seeking God for a greater understanding of who I am in Christ, and this was the reason she gave, "The clarity of your identity will help your children form their identity. As they are getting older, they are drawing more on WHO you are instead of what you can do or what you are." I have felt that in the past year or so, and as we are moving into the teen years with our oldest, I am becoming increasingly aware of how little I need to do (physically) but how much I need to give (emotionally & spiritually). This is a healthy and natural progression but one that draws me deeper into God's Word. When speaking of the wife of noble character, Proverbs 31:26 says this of her, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is one her tongue." That should be the goal for all of us as moms, to be so filled with wisdom from above, that when we open our mouths it is God's truth that comes forth to our children.

One of the things I love about homeschooling so much, is that I am blessed to have each day - all day - to be with my children and speak into their lives. More than education, my highest goal is that I use my time in such a way that my children are equipped with wisdom because of the time we have spent together over the years. This requires me to be growing and seeking the Lord so that I have something more to offer them. We are promised in James 1:5 that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it WILL be given to him."

We need wisdom every moment of every day and when we have God's window of wisdom wide open to us, it makes me wonder why I ever attempt things on my own. The stresses of parenting and the moments we feel we can't take any more are often the times that draw us closest to the Lord and remind us that we should not be trying to do this on our own anyway. God is the God of structure, order and design...He is the One who can show us what we need when our babies are sick, our toddlers are defiant and our teenagers are depressed. May we ever turn to Him as the Source of all wisdom, for that is what He is!