GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE GRACE

     Something unique happens in our lives when we become moms of little ones – we find ourselves in a season of dirty diapers, feedings, fussing, and being in constant demand. It’s a stage of life that we’ve most likely never been in before, and once those little ones grow up a bit, we’ll likely not be there ever again.

     Since the youngest of my five children has departed from the preschool years, I often find myself reflecting on what I've left behind.

     I LOVED my babies; the smell of sweet skin, the fuzz of their little heads, and the way only a baby can snuggle into the warmth of your arms. I miss that SO MUCH! But, I also remember the exhaustion, the feelings of being alone and overwhelmed, and wishing my family wasn't three borders away!

     Could it be that the "babies stage" is one of the most challenging seasons in our entire lives?

     In those moments of juggling babies, diapers and doctor's appointments; we do what most moms would -- we frantically search for wisdom!  We look for those who have gone before us and can make it easier, tell us how it should be done and offer us hope that this WILL get easier.  And that's good, BUT...

     When you read the words of the wise that have gone before you, please remember something…you need to give yourself a little grace. 

     My guess is 9 times out of 10 our sources of wisdom are further ahead in the journey than we are -- and God tells us to search them out (Job 12 tells us that wisdom is found among the aged and long life brings understanding)  -- they are wonderful places to learn from.  But remember, those same sources may sometimes forget the detail; the intensity of the tiredness, the extreme busyness of a toddler and reality of daily demands.  You need to combine grace with whatever you read / hear / see.

     God’s Word is our primary source of survival in every stage, and when our babes are in arms, that's where we'll find direction mixed beautifully with grace; everything else that comes to us by way of information, is secondary, if anything at all. Even as I type these words I am so aware that my memory fails me on the details of countless sleepless nights, although I know I will never forget them completely.


     Don’t neglect the words of the wise that come from so many sources, but if necessary, DO take them with a grain of salt.

     Be patient with yourself – God is patient with you – and you WILL get to where you need to be, one “grace” day at a time.  (And if you are struggling with good 'ol Proverbs 31 mom -- we're going to talk about her next time)

"If any of you lacks wisdom,

you should ask God, who gives 

generously to all."

James 1:5

Perspective

     He wandered around our home for over an hour, room to room . . . CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.  The sounds from the old, chipped camera filled the air as my four year-old tirelessly continued to press the shutter button.  I didn't think much of it at the time -- in fact, it wasn't till all of my children were sound asleep that I remembered the old camera was still sitting silent on the counter.

     I half-sighed as I picked up the camera, assuming I would find a plethora of blurry pictures that would need to be deleted . . . but to my surprise, as the scratched, digital screen came to life, there before my eyes began a collection of pictures that took a moment's breath away from me.  The screen filled with marvelous pictures of all different rooms and people, but at angles and heights I had never viewed.

     How could I delete these little wonders of perspective, from a view that was so distinctly different than mine?

     Then, it was as if God began to whisper, "I have a perspective totally different than yours, too, my daughter.  Rest in me to bring fullness to your pictures of life." 

     My mind went to the verse in Isaiah 55 that says God's thoughts are not our thoughts and neither are His ways our ways.  It is so true!  In fact, as many times as I've assumed I knew what God was going to do or that I thought I knew what something was going to look like in the days ahead -- in hindsight, I haven't had it figured out at all.

     Where is the lesson in all of this?  The perspective found in the hands of my four year-old that day reminded me of an age old truth . . . God is the ONLY ONE who's vantage point offers the complete picture of my life.  As His child, I need to let go of forcing my ways and let His ways reign over everything.  My eyes set on Jesus will eventually answer any questions I have along the way!

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground,

absorbed with the things right in front of you.

Look up, and be alert to what is going on around

Christ - that's where the action is.  See things from

HIS PERSPECTIVE."

Colossians 3:2

The Mystery of Patience

     What challenging situation are you finding yourself in the middle of right now?  Is there a new baby on the way?  A giant mess to tackle?  A toddler who throws a daily tantrum?  Whatever it is, I have great news for you -- ALL the patience you need is available to you!  Yes, really, ALL of it!

     How many times have you heard another mom say, "Oh,  I couldn't do ________ (that), I just don't have the patience"?  That is the beautiful, yet upside-down mystery of God's operating system -- it's because of the "things" that we don't feel we have the patience to accomplish that the true, deep, genuine patience will have the opportunity to take its form. 

     The inward mom cries out to reach a perfect level of pre-determined patience before stepping into the task, but God whispers to us as if to say, "You step into the task, and I will see that what you require will take its shape as you are going."

     God' operating system is completely opposite the world's operating system -- the world says we need to get our act together and then attempt the next thing.  God's operating system says we need to acknowledge that we don't have what it takes and then attempt the next thing RECOGNIZING OUR NEED FOR GOD and watch Him come through for us.

     I have a perpetual blaring alarm bell in my head now -- every time I sense the need to "arrive" before tackling the next big thing, the sirens go off -- WHRRRRRR.  The warning is that I am depending on "Kristen" if I am trying to "arrive" and not on God.  God is ready and able to meet every task that He has allowed on our path, BUT are we ready and able to give each of those tasks over to Him and ask Him to work patience in us and through us as we are going?

     Stories of the past tell the mystery of God's ways -- those famed leaders haven't accomplished grandiose things because of their predisposition to greatness, but because of their trust for God to provide "as they were going". 

     Are we prepared to place our foot on the unseen next step over the cavern of the unknown? 

     Do we believe that IF we surrender our lack of ability to produce patience over to God and ask Him to accomplish that in us, it will be as we are going that we see Him do a magnificent work?  The Bible says that we can taste and see that the Lord is good -- may this be a new way that we can experience His provision and goodness in our lives.

"We pray that you will be

strengthened with all His

glorious power so you will

have ALL the endurance

and PATIENCE

you need."

Colossians 1:11

Reward of the Wait

     Erect, tall and still; stood my five children, side by side. Their eyes searched the branches and scanned the skies. None of them dared to brush the wind-blown tufts of hair from their eyes, nor allow a whisper to escape their lips.

     Perfect repose.

     “Why won’t they come?” I could imagine their quiescent thoughts. Such unusual behavior, rarely exemplified by my boisterous crew, but their motivation was immense. The wait was the only way to discover if the reward would come.

     The greater the wait -- the greater the experience of the reward.

     I know this from years of patience in action, but they are still at the discovery stage of this reality. I reminisce back to the promise of each new baby and ponder how the nine months created intensity of reward beyond imagination. By the time each of my infants had entered the world, creamy-wet with lungs full of cries, my whole being was ready to love -- passionate and full!

     I want my children to encounter a taste of the truth I have learned from time -- the depths of God’s gifts are experienced when the pain of waiting is great. Reminiscent of David of old, who was desperately on the run from his enemies that threatened to take his very life, David spoke of the wait and the rescue, “I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit…He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalms 40:1-2)

     I ponder this for a moment – the words PATIENT and WAIT are twinned, never meant to be separated. Combined with HOPE, they create a trio of what God intends for each of us.

     Then we hear the noise for which we have waited.

     Chickadee-dee-dee. Chickadee-dee-dee.

     The sound rings of promise as it draws closer to where my five still remain steadfast at their posts, the seeds overflowing in their hands. It happens – the first tiny bird lands on the fingers of one of my indefatigable children. The corners of their mouth turn upward until it seems to split from the magnitude of the smile.

     We celebrate together in silence . . . aware of how easily this moment could be shattered. More birds come. The success of the first chickadee indicates to the others that it is a safe place, and they take turns with flits and swoops around our heads. Joy fills the air and we smile together. A magnificent memory is built from patience in waiting, and the joy of the reward.

"If we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it patiently.” Romans 8:25

Patience in the Kitchen & Everywhere Else

Oh, to have more patience! Is that not the whispered prayer of every mother you meet?  We know in our hearts that God must have more for us than frustration in moments of pressure, and yet, it is often hard to rise above those emotions.  I am glad to say that as we continue to press into God, over time, He takes us to new levels of patience that we would not have imagined possible - but I am sorry to say, it is not instantaneous.

When I think back to my early days of baking in the kitchen with my children, as an example; I remember lots of moments of fun, that blend together with moments of mommy's significant lack of patience.  It was not the way I wanted to be, but due to having my own set of standards and expectations, I often found my patience was what was lacking.  As I have grown as a mom and a woman, I have found God has done, and definitely continues to do, a deep work in my heart which has allowed patience to increase.  Now when eggs drop on the counter (see above) it can be time for laughter and not frustration.  Know what your areas of greatest weakness in excericising patience are and ask God to help you with that specifically.  When the Bible speaks of patience, it is recognized as one of the fruits that the Spirit produces in us and not just something that comes from "trying harder".  The most important step we can take, is to continue to ask God to fill us with His Spirit, in order to walk out the daily moments in the ways He would have us to.

It is challenging, as a mom, to find the balance in our lives that keeps us from being too hard on ourselves when we do lose our cool; and yet, NEVER settling for acceptance that lack of patience must be just the way we are.  We are told in the Word that LOVE is patient (I Cor.13), and we are called to be patient with everyone (I Thess. 5).  God would not tell us these things if they were not achievable - so don't accept your current situation (that is, if you feel you struggle in lacking patience) as the final answer to this problem. 

Press into God and ask Him to grow more patience in you; and do not believe the lie that it means He will just bring more troubles your way.  That is one of the most overused arguments I have ever heard around the topic of praying for patience - we know that God never allows more than we can handle and He works ALL things for our good, so we should welcome all areas of life as opportunities to grow.  Remember some of the most beautiful flowers that are in the world, are often found growing in the most challenging of environments; if we want God to grow in us a fragrance that blesses our family and others, we need to be open to God's gardening in our lives.

As we spend time in God's Word, we will grow in understanding and wisdom, and as Proverbs 19:11, "A person's wisdom makes him slow to anger."  As we become wise to God's ways, we will grow in applying His truth to the moments of frustration that we will encounter.  Don't give up in growing in patience!