The Steam of the Stove

As I leaned into the heat of stove, I could feel my shoulders slumped over from the weight of the day.  The steam on my face, from the pot I was stirring, reminded me of the feelings I was fighting inside.  There was no question - this had been an arduous day for this mother's heart.  I recognized the symptoms that were flashing "overwhelmed" in my head, and I wondered if I even had the strength to finish the day.  As I sighed, I took a moment trying to evaluate where the greatest pressures were coming from, and I quickly realized the answer that I had been fearful of...EVERYWHERE. 

I lingered over my post at the stove longer than what was required, in an desperate effort to regain composure that would allow me to enter back into the world of life that was raging behind me.  The ring of the phone seemed like the emergency sound from a fire truck, the bickering of the kids imitated the kerfuffle of a barnyard, and the house, well it was reminiscent of a tornado having recently passed through.  While surveying the damage, I asked myself, How did life get so out of control?  Where did I go wrong?  I quickly heard the answer - I didn't go wrong, this is life at its fullest.  Real life, not ideal life!  If given the choice of this or silence, in my deepest of hearts I would CHOOSE this, chaos and all!

The next step was harder; knowing this was the life I wanted and needed to embrace, I still had to find the resources that were required to finish out the day.  Not just to merely survive, but to do it well.  Again, I found my heart staring at a fork in the road - two choices of where the strength was going to come from. Was I going to reach inside myself to where I was dry and empty or was I going to reach up to where my Father God was ready with His unlimited supply of strength? 

I CHOSE to reach up. 

God, I sighed, I need the resources for strength that comes only from You.  Fill me fresh and show me how to love my children in the midst of the confusion I now face.

I would love to tell you that lightening flashed and everything was made perfect, but that would not be true.  Slowly my heart quieted and my joy was restored.  The sun began to break through the heavy clouds in our home, and God proved true to His Word again.  I am so thankful that these are the promises He has given us to draw on, claim, and live out in our homes...may we be encouraged to press on!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29

Why So Downcast?

The day seemed heavy, the tasks too large, the sky dark, the bickering loud, the to do list never ending, the stairs long, and my heart low.  What was wrong?  I really don't know.  Have you ever had days like that when you just can't put your finger on the real problem?  The best way I could have described myself was, as David said in the Bible, downcast.

So what did I do?  Nothing but keep whispering David's verse from Psalm 42:5, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God."  I struggled through the entire day and probably quoted that verse 20+ times, till I finally fell into bed near midnight, glad to go to sleep and whisper a quiet prayer for the next day. 

The better question is -  what should I have done?  Hindsight, they say, is 20 / 20 ~ I wish I had taken the time to put in a worship CD and sing my heart out, because I know from many times before when we put on a "garment of praise" it deals with a "spirit of heaviness".  Or I could have called my husband and asked him to pray with me - but those thoughts eluded me.  I feel like I merely survived the day, and yet...

I believe God allows us to go through times like those in order to lean heavy on Him and know He is there.  The Word says in II Corinthians 7:6, that, "God...comforts the downcast."  That is how I felt.  At the end of the day; bone tired and emotionally weary, I was very aware of God's comfort and thankful for it.  The verse from Psalms kept truth and perspective before me, even though the day was hard.

We live in a time when we all want to be "fixed" right away, but that is not reality.  Sometimes reality is doing our best and staying close to God in those times...giving up on perfect and just being real in His strength, while reciting His wonderful Word until it reaches the deepest parts of ourselves.  After the rain, the sun seems to shine even brighter than before!