CONDUCTING OUR ORCHESTRAS

     If our homes are "music pits" and our families are the "orchestras", then we, as parents, are called to be the "conductors".  What is it that we are "conducting"?  The "music" that God has called our family to play together.

     And there's great news -- each family is designed to play a unique "score"!  No family should try to imitate the "music" of another, but instead learn and savour the "music" that flows from their own "orchestra".

     Once we grasp the value of our "music" being individual to our family, then we need to see how important our roles are, as "conductors".  Just as an orchestra would never play from completely different scores at the same time, we've learned that neither should our families.

     Our "score" is made up of the values that God has called us, as the "conductors", to build our homes upon.  We must guard this "score"!

     We live in a time in history where our values -- the "musical scores" -- are being tossed out windows and discarded on street corners; where a "score" is viewed as something negotiable at best, or useless at worst.  

     As "conductors", we can tend to feel unpopular and badly for the decisions we have to make and things we have to say no to, because we forget what a beautiful treasure our "musical score" is meant to be.  We've been entrusted with a legacy that is meant to bless our children, those around us and the generations to come, but we this will only transpire IF we take our roles seriously.

     Examine what your "score" should look like, in light of God's Word and the "musicians" He has placed in your home.  What "areas of music" have you been letting slide that need to be brought back into alignment with God's plan for our "orchestras"?  What questions are your children asking that need to be answered in a bold no instead of a soft, uncertain I guess so?

     God made us, as parents, to "conduct" with all the passion, heart and conviction that He has placed within us, and what we find in His Word.  Don't ever shy away from the loveliness that God wants to flow from your home just because you are afraid to be the "conductors" that He has called you to be!

"My heart, O God, is

steadfast; I will sing and 

make music with all my soul."

Psalm 108:1

   

Grumpy Saturdays

     "Mom, can you cut my hair?"

     "Honey, what's for lunch?"

     "Kristen, would you have time to read through this document?"

     When I think of "grumpy Saturdays", I have to confess, I'm sadly referring to ME being the grumpy one, not the rest of my family.  In fact, if any day of the week guarantees more happy smiles and relaxed kids, it's Saturday; and if there's a challenge, it usually rests with me.

     I've asked myself over and over, "Kristen, why are you spoiling Saturday?  This is a day for our family."  I've felt so frustrated with myself and tried so hard to change.  Fortunately, a number of years ago, I discovered the reason for my grumpy Saturdays -- now I just have to stay disciplined to keep working on it. 

     Do you want to know what caused grumpy Saturdays for me?

     My expectation that I deserved the day off too!

     Does it sound too simple and a little selfish?  That's because it is!  When I realized that every week my mind was building up to the excitement of "a day off", a light bulb went on for me . . . if our family was to enjoy a day off together, someone had to be directing it, and I felt that was part of the role God's given to me.  It was when I finally accepted that responsibility, that Saturdays became a joy to me.

     I have an idea of what you may be thinking . . . But moms work hard all week, we deserve a day off!  Yes, that's true, but maybe not in the way we expect. 

     The expression, "a day off", could easily conjure images of our feet resting on a soft pink stool, a mug of steaming, spiced coffee warming our hands, exquisite dark chocolate truffles resting on a silver tray beside us and silence hovering over the house.  BUT, we all know that is not real life, nor the stage of life we are in during this time of mothering. 

     I wish I could give that gift to all of you ~ and allow you to savour silence, sweets and sanity on a regular basis, but to this point I've not found ways to carve that into my life yet either. 

     For the purpose of balance, though, we do need to be sure that we're looking for times to have our husbands or friends help us take small pockets of time for a warm bath or a trip to a coffee shop; the key is that our expectations must be reasonable!

     So what do we do with grumpy Saturdays?  First, we admit that as much as we want to completely spoil ourselves, that is not what we're called to do.  Then, we settle into our homes and look for creative ways to make Saturday (or whichever day is your family day) a special time -- that doesn't mean going places all the time; it can be as simple as playing some board games, taking a walk in the woods or decorating home-made pizza together.  Be sure you say "No" to what can be left undone, and remember, the more balanced we can make the day with kids helping on chores or dad doing some dishes or maybe even a simple supper of french toast, the more we'll all enjoy it.

     As hard as it is, make the effort to rise above the "woe is me" feelings and ask God to help you make your family days a gift from you, as mom, to your family.  We'll never look back and regret the effort it took to make the memories together!

"Jesus said...'If any of you

wants to be my follower,

you must turn from your selfish ways'."

Right Here, Right Now

     It was a dreary day in Walmart.  Crowded isles, pushy people and kids(mine) that would rather be anywhere but there.  For that matter, I was experiencing similar emotions -- there were a lot of other places I would rather be than at Walmart; buying the right size of underwear for my five year-old and checking out the price of deodorant for my twelve year-old.

     Then, I heard it; lyrics being sung from a song I hadn't heard in years...
     Right here, right now, 
     There is no other place I'd rather be...

     And I felt like God spoke to my heart through that secular song that was drifting through the overhead speakers.  In the "right here, right now", I had a choice:  feel sorry for myself as I wandered through Walmart OR look for the blessings in the moment and be choose to be thankful!

     I chose the thankful option.


     How often do we, as moms, wander through the "isles of daily life" and wish we were anywhere but here?  


     Maybe it's a cranky toddler or a vomiting preschooler.  Maybe it's a lack of funds and an abundance of bills to be paid.  Or maybe it's just a routine trip to the local department store.  Whatever it is, know that God is very present in every moment we experience.  God knows how we're feeling and He's able to carry us through those hard times.

     One of my favourite songs to hum and sing along with, when I was a little girl, was "He's Able"...
     He's able, He's able, I know He is able,
     I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

     So whether you walk away from your computer screen, whistling "He's Able" or "Right Here, Right Now", I hope that these thoughts linger long in the days ahead.  I hope that the take-away from this blog is that God is fully able to help us right where we are, so that regardless of the circumstances our hearts will be able to say that this is right where we want to be!

"Oh, look!  God's RIGHT HERE

helping!  God's on my side."

Psalm 54:4

   

Making Memories

     "I LOVE this!  This totally reminds me of when I was growing up in a family of five kids.  I would have sat there, Mark would be here, Christine over there . . .  I loved our supper times.  All the conversations happening over top of the other . . . "

     Our guest's face beamed as he spoke of memories from his childhood, over dinner one night -- words that were a gift to our children, as we shared a meal with he and his wife.  Grown now, he reminisced of the greatest moments of childhood, many that centered around the dinner table.  Every meal was an adventure . . . his siblings are now among his closest friends . . . words that painted a picture of beauty and love born from the chaos of the supper hour.

     Interestingly, after he and his wife went home, our children revisited the conversations over and over.  An indelible impression had been placed on our family's meal time -- an increased sense of value that had not been there before. 

     WHY?  Because our children were able to see past the clamor and realize the value we share amdist the chaos. 

     Isn't it hard to believe that while we wrestle with how to manage the cacophony of meal time, priceless memories are being embedded into our children's hearts and minds that will last a lifetime? 

      I recently came across a poem that heightened the worth of our family meals even further.  The fact that it was written almost 100 years ago adds even more beauty to its words, because it would have flown in the face of then-current opinions like, "Children are to be seen and not heard" or, "Speak only when spoken to". 

     Savour the words written from the heart of a father who loved his family and the babel more than the quiet and the order . . .

The Perfect Dinner Table

        By Edgar Guest (1925)

A table cloth that's slightly soiled
Where greasy little hands have toiled;
The napkins kept in silver rings,
And only ordinary things
From which to eat, a simple fare,
And just the wife and kiddies there,
And while I serve, the clatter glad
Of little girl and little lad
Who have so very much to say
About the happenings of the day.

Four big round eyes that dance with glee,
Forever flashing joys at me,
Two little tongues that race and run
To tell of troubles and of fun;
The mother with a patient smile
Who knows that she must wait awhile
Before she'll get a chance to say
What she's discovered through the day.
She steps aside for girl and lad
Who have so much to tell their dad.

Our manners may not be the best;
Perhaps our elbows often rest
Upon the table, and at times
That very worst of dinner crimes,
That very shameful act and rude
Of speaking ere you've downed your food,
Too frequently, I fear, is done,
So fast the little voices run.
Yet why should table manners stay
Those tongues that have so much to say?

At many a table I have been
Where wealth and luxury were seen,
And I have dined in halls of pride
Where all the guests were dignified;
But when it comes to pleasure rare
The perfect dinner table's where
No stranger's face is ever known:
The dinner hour we spend alone,
When little girl and little lad
Run riot telling things to dad.



     Suppers shared around the dining table are one of the few opportunities our children may have to interact with the whole family unit in a given day -- don't lose these precious opportunities.  Minor on manners and major on the gift --  children that WANT to be with us. Children that WILL NOT be children forever -- each meal is making a memory, so let's make it a great one!

"Do EVERYTHING in love."

I Corinthians 16:14

Helping Our Husbands

Last month, at our Mom's Night, we were discussing the call to godliness, that God gives to each one of us.  We looked at various scriptures that speak about godliness, but the one that stood out to me the most was from Proverbs 31.  I was struck by one verse in particular, which although I had read many times before, had never sunk in for its full meaning.  It is in verse 23, and at initial glance it seems out of place from the other verses, but once studied it is powerful ~ here it is, "Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers."   This verse is nestled between verses that talk about the woman who is well prepared and the woman who makes her own dresses.  What does that have to do with her husband being respected?  HE is respected because of who SHE is!

This is where the impact came for me - I have always viewed my role in being my husband's "helper" as something behind the scenes, and I have loved that role.  Whether it is supporting him emotionally (listening and encouraging), physically (love and practical care with food / clothing / etc), or spiritually (praying for him and with him); it has brought me great joy.  But I had not carefully examined before how these practical supports affect him outside the home.  As I have pondered this verse over the past month, I have become increasingly aware of how vital it is that we, as wives, catch the significance.  What we do at behind the scenes at home and with our families - no matter how trivial or unnoticed (by all but God) - will affect the way that our husbands are regarded. 

I am not talking about making our husbands "look good", but specifically wanting us to realize that often we can make the difference as to whether our husbands are looked up to or looked down on.  When Paul gave the requirements for elders in the church, he included the importance of how that man's family was functioning.  We need to respect that the choices we make in the ways we talk to our husbands; the ways we care for them, our homes and our families, really do make a difference.  If we want to truly be more of what, I believe, God desires us as wives to be, then we need to be looking to the best interest of our husbands first, and not ourselves.

Yes, it will fly in the face of the culture we are part of - but good for us - it will just make us shine more brightly than it would have in the past generations.  So, GO SHINE!

What is Your Child's Love Language?

When I look at the six most important people in my life that God has given me to love unconditionally, I am amazed that each of them needs to be "told" they are loved in different ways. What I do for one of my children can send them sky high "feeling" loved for days, whereas if I do the exact same thing for another one of them it does not even scratch the surface of them realizing I was trying to communicate anything. The topic of "Love Languages" is broad and extensive and I have no intention of trying to share everything I have learned, but I am so glad that someone shared it with me when our children were young that I want to attempt a quick summary of what I have learned so far.

Of the various resources I have learned from, there seems to be a general consensus that there are five ways that people most frequently "feel" loved. They are "acts of service", "quality time", "encouraging words", "physical touch" and "gift giving". If you stop for a moment and think about each of your children, as well as your spouse, you will probably find that what seems to mean the most to them in everyday life fits into one of those categories. That is the simple way of identifying a love language.

According to the Ezzo's, "Every day we choose to love and every day we choose not to love", emphasizing that if we have to reach out to our family in a way that is not natural to us, we are consciously choosing to love them as best as we can and in their "own language". Studies show that without making intentional effort, we will revert back to communicating in the language that is most comfortable to us, therefore only effectively reaching those that share in a common love language. The Ezzo's also teach that all children can receive and need to experience a combination of the five love languages for healthy development, but by the age of seven you will find that there is one language that speaks much more strongly to them (for our children we were pretty sure with each of them by the age of four and so far we have been right).

It is amazing to find that a child who feels loved through "gift giving" will feel very loved by receiving something as simple as a pencil or a pack of gum. With those who thrive on "quality time" a story on the couch or a walk with just one parent will keep their love tank filled for quite a while. An example of "physical touch" would be the child that needs to crawl up on your lap to refresh themselves after a hard day or the one that wants their back scratched till your hand tires. With "encouraging words" they will take a simple card or note and tuck it under their pillow to read, reread and reread again or listen with a beaming smile as you compliment them on a job well done. Finally, with "acts of service" this child will feel very treasured as you do something for them, as simple as fixing a toy or helping them clean their room.

As you can see from this list, all children (and adults) need to be shown love in all five languages - who of us wouldn't enjoy any of the these things? But as you express love to your children you need to watch for the response that shows you have connected with them deep inside - it seems to fuel them to want to be with you more and more. This is when you know you are speaking their "love language" and I believe, it is also the key to helping us as parents, hold onto their hearts. Not only with our children, but our husbands too - it is so important to know how they "feel" loved. Keep in mind it is often the opposite of how you as a wife and mother may feel treasured, so it does require a choice to do what you know they will receive from. This is why it is vital to understand the concept of Love Languages - if you are yelling "I LOVE YOU" to your children or spouse through your natural love language, but it isn't theirs, they may never know. But if you even whisper "I LOVE YOU" in their language you will reach a special place in their heart.

I hope this helps and creates an interest for more information - there are great books and tools out there. But most importantly, be attentive to discover the love language of each member in your family then be creative to express your love in a way that truly reaches the heart. God will give you the insight that you need - He is the Author of both our families and the languages of love.

I Corinthians 13:7&8 says "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."