Grumpy Saturdays

     "Mom, can you cut my hair?"

     "Honey, what's for lunch?"

     "Kristen, would you have time to read through this document?"

     When I think of "grumpy Saturdays", I have to confess, I'm sadly referring to ME being the grumpy one, not the rest of my family.  In fact, if any day of the week guarantees more happy smiles and relaxed kids, it's Saturday; and if there's a challenge, it usually rests with me.

     I've asked myself over and over, "Kristen, why are you spoiling Saturday?  This is a day for our family."  I've felt so frustrated with myself and tried so hard to change.  Fortunately, a number of years ago, I discovered the reason for my grumpy Saturdays -- now I just have to stay disciplined to keep working on it. 

     Do you want to know what caused grumpy Saturdays for me?

     My expectation that I deserved the day off too!

     Does it sound too simple and a little selfish?  That's because it is!  When I realized that every week my mind was building up to the excitement of "a day off", a light bulb went on for me . . . if our family was to enjoy a day off together, someone had to be directing it, and I felt that was part of the role God's given to me.  It was when I finally accepted that responsibility, that Saturdays became a joy to me.

     I have an idea of what you may be thinking . . . But moms work hard all week, we deserve a day off!  Yes, that's true, but maybe not in the way we expect. 

     The expression, "a day off", could easily conjure images of our feet resting on a soft pink stool, a mug of steaming, spiced coffee warming our hands, exquisite dark chocolate truffles resting on a silver tray beside us and silence hovering over the house.  BUT, we all know that is not real life, nor the stage of life we are in during this time of mothering. 

     I wish I could give that gift to all of you ~ and allow you to savour silence, sweets and sanity on a regular basis, but to this point I've not found ways to carve that into my life yet either. 

     For the purpose of balance, though, we do need to be sure that we're looking for times to have our husbands or friends help us take small pockets of time for a warm bath or a trip to a coffee shop; the key is that our expectations must be reasonable!

     So what do we do with grumpy Saturdays?  First, we admit that as much as we want to completely spoil ourselves, that is not what we're called to do.  Then, we settle into our homes and look for creative ways to make Saturday (or whichever day is your family day) a special time -- that doesn't mean going places all the time; it can be as simple as playing some board games, taking a walk in the woods or decorating home-made pizza together.  Be sure you say "No" to what can be left undone, and remember, the more balanced we can make the day with kids helping on chores or dad doing some dishes or maybe even a simple supper of french toast, the more we'll all enjoy it.

     As hard as it is, make the effort to rise above the "woe is me" feelings and ask God to help you make your family days a gift from you, as mom, to your family.  We'll never look back and regret the effort it took to make the memories together!

"Jesus said...'If any of you

wants to be my follower,

you must turn from your selfish ways'."

Dying Hurts

     "Mom, can you come mark my math test?"

     "Mom, are you coming to check my room?"

     "Mom, when is supper?"

     The final question pushed me over my selfish edge and caused the eruption I had been trying hard to contain . . .
    
     Is it possible to hold in the lava of exasperation forever?  BUT did my children deserve to see me frustrated? 

     I'm humbled to say that I slammed down the computer mouse and stomped into the kitchen to finish supper.  All day--and I mean--ALL DAY, I felt like I'd been cast into the role of Cinderella, desperately trying to finish my tasks so that I could "go to the Ball".  The irony is that "my Ball" simply represented a few moments alone to finish a writing assignment, not exactly thrilling or magical, just important to me.  But no matter how I had served others and tried to get everything done, it hadn't been enough.

     The words of Jesus flashed through my mind -- I'm called to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him; although I'd been following in the meager offering of serving my family, I'd allowed the thought to creep in around my service that I DESERVED a break. 
    
     Oh, those dangerous thoughts that can be justified so easily!

     The ending of the story is better than the beginning -- I put supper on the table and took time to make things right with those I had hurt with my miserable attitude and seek the forgiveness of those I love. 

     Still, I despised the fact that I had "lost it" with them -- those sweet faces around the supper table -- the ones I love more than life itself.  That night I felt the weight of my selfishness.

     The greatest conviction always comes after the lights go out -- do you find that? 

     It's once the prayers are said, the love you forever words are shared, and the doors are closed that it feels the heaviest -- these are the times I run to God and pour out my desperate need for Him to change me inside.  Without Him I realize I am just a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal as it says in I Corinthians 13.

     The famous missionary, Amy Carmichael, is quoted for words that every mother can relate to, "Missionary life is simply a chance to die!"  Is that not the truth for us as mothers, too?  If we replace the words "missionary life" with "motherhood", it's the same truth . . .

     Motherhood is simply a chance to die!  Daily!

     This is the call -- this is what God asks of us as mothers, and nothing less.  There is only one problem -- DYING HURTS!  When we "signed up" for mothering, most of us thought we had a pretty good idea of what we were getting into, but did we really?  No, and it's a good thing.  But would you trade it for anything?  I hope that is also a resounding NO!

     This is not just a call -- this is the greatest call!  As mothers, we are called to die daily in the places where selfishness still reigns, in order that God may continue to develop in us a reflection of His glory.  This is no small privilege and likewise it is no small process.  So let's keep permitting God to work on the places that sting and pinch and hurt -- He is doing a great thing in US!

"He who began a good work

in YOU will carry it on to

completion until the day of
Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Embracing Toil

The sun is streaming into the kitchen and I am desperate for the glow it brings to the room.  I am longing to feel the rays of warmth rest on my being today.  I have become alerted to a conflict in my mind and the light begins to draw me away from the allure of the dark whisper of the world -- the one that says, It's all about you. 

I stop. 

I know that voice, and it does not speak the truth.  I take that deadly cogitation and seal it off.  I stop the lie and replace it with what is right.  The truth that Jesus said, "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve."  Truth, the only thing that can set me free to soar in this life I have.  The only way that I can escape the pull to focus on myself.

Already in this day, delusions have appeared before my eyes.  The cream coloured shampoo bottle called out with its advertising on the label, "This is what is in it for you!"  The Portbello mushroom packaging states, "Triple washed, so you don't have to."  They are subtleties, but they are real.  Combined with so many other unnoticed intimations, I feel the pull towards wondering, How easy can I make it for myself?  The perpetual gravity that entices me to leave hard work and look for the easy way out; I don't want to stay there.

I decide to raise my sword against the temptation of laziness, and embrace toil -- I do something simple, but profound -- I fill the sink with hot, soapy water.

I plunge my hands into the hot, bubbly liquid and the lavender scent fills my senses.  I begin to attack the pile of soiled dishes that are stacked beside me, and as I watch the steam rise from the sink, I think about the WHY of this task.  That even though I am two feet away from a fully functioning dishwasher, I am reminding myself of something important - God called me to serve, just as He served.  I intentionally slow down and savour the work, not because there isn't a mountain of other things waiting for my attention,there is, but because I want to stretch myself with the chore at hand.

As just for now, I deny the luxury of a machine that could lift this basic burden from me, I ponder.  I know the weaknesses that rest inside of me.  I feel the vortex that threatens to suck me into selfishness.  So I fight...to overcome the temptation... to remember I am capable...and to turn from the desire of the easy road. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  Colossians 3:23

Selfish Tendencies

Have you ever noticed that some of the biggest battles we face seem to stem from our tendencies towards selfishness?  We want a clean house, but it has been such a long day we feel like we just deserve to put our feet up...we want children who are well behaved, but we just can't imagine having to discipline the same child again...we want our husbands to feel loved, but we just don't want to excuse the fact that it is the third time this week they missed dinner...and on and on it can go.

Not too many roles in life demand a 24 / 7 giving out without guarantee of getting much back, but being a wife and a mother sure can.  It is so easy in this culture to justify our selfish tendencies too.  I don't have to look far at all to find someone who will tell me I work too hard and should take a break, or that I deserve to let my husband carry more of the load, or I should get out more alone.  That is the message I feel I must battle against in the world around me and in my mind.  The danger is, that if we let our guard down - we will begin to believe these messages.  Yes, there is required balance in life and yes, it is good when our spouses pitch in - BUT it is also a sacrifice to be a great wife and a great mom and it will take us to the point of being greatly stretched.

Philippians 2:3-7 says, "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition...look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others...Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:  Who...made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant."   That lays out quite clearly the sacrifice we are called to no matter what our role is...there really aren't any excuses for focusing on ourselves.  I have found the more I focus on the needs of others around me and serving them, the less I feel the need for "self" to be satisfied.

I am not saying that no wife or mom should even have a break, please don't misinterpret me.  I am saying that the message we hear everywhere we go is that we deserve...we deserve...we deserve... and if we are not hearing it from those around us, you can be sure the enemy will be whispering it in our ear sooner than later. 

So how do we fight it?  We can first ask the Lord to help us honestly examine our lives and how much we are "doing" for ourselves - in the big picture of a week or month, are we expecting more "breaks" on evenings or weekends, than even our husbands?  Next, we need to take the thoughts captive in our minds that tell us we deserve...and make them obedient to Christ.  That simply means when we start to feel frustrated for what we are not getting / where we are not going / what we are missing out on ... just stop those thoughts and say, "I am not going to allow myself to think that way - God, you have given me everything I need and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I refuse to be discouraged, to feel sorry for myself or to wallow in self-pity.  I choose to focus on ________, _________, _________, (these things you have blessed me with) and not the things I want to have or do.  In Jesus powerful name, Amen."

May you learn to fight selfish tendencies with the servant model of Christ and just wait and see what great blessings God has planned for your life and home.