Raising Servants

One of my greatest desires for my children as they grow up, is that they learn how to be servants to those around them. Not in ways that they are taken advantage of, but in ways that they have learned what it is to serve others. John 12:26 says, "Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honour the one who serves me." I want this for my children - to know how to follow after Jesus and to be honoured by our Heavenly Father.

I remember in the very early days, trying to teach my three year old what it meant to be a servant. I had explained to him the Bible said that the first shall be last and the last will be first - in an effort to show that God does honour us when we put others first. It was only a few days later I overheard him telling his baby sister that she should give him a toy he wanted. His reason to her was this, "You know, the Bible says, the first will be first and the last will be last, so you need to give it to me." Obviously we have had to do lots more training since those early days, but it is beginning to take deep roots in their lives and I am encouraged.

What has surprised me most as I have walked out the journey of parenting this far, is that our children don't naturally want to be servants! To a degree, I expected that, but to the extent that I have had to work and continue to work to help them see their need to be willing to serve is something that I, as a parent, need to be encouraged in over and over. I have worked hard to serve my family and model to my children what serving looks like and I have found great joy in that, but children don't just become servants because we serve them. In fact, one of the saddest things I watch in some families is when children are not required to help carry the load of a house and they become selfish and content to never lift a finger. So, in many efforts to keep this from occurring in our home, we have worked hard to train them in serving others.

I write this today because I want to encourage other moms who may feel, as I have felt in the past, that if I just keep doing things for them they will learn how to serve. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but except for the odd rarity in children (and I don't have any of them), children will need to be required to help and serve in the family over and over and over again. It is one of the many areas of parenting that we need to sow lots of seeds for many years and wait patiently for the harvest. There are two reasons I know there is hope for a harvest: one, because after 13 years of sowing I am beginning to see children pitch in when not asked once in a while and second, because I have wonderful, godly friends who have gone before and are reaping the benefits with beautiful servant adult children.

Please don't settle for the cultural norm which is to do most everything for your children while they take in the TV or video games...push past the arguments and the whining - we must train our children to be servants because they are the only hope of the next generation. Jesus was the greatest servant of all and if we are not willing to walk in His footsteps and train our children to do the same, the world will not see the difference in any of us. God has called us to follow Him and that requires being a servant to all - beginning in our homes and families - the training ground for us all.

Reminding God

What on earth might we need to remind God of? Is He not God and therefore knows everything? ABSOLUTELY! But this is where I am going with my thoughts - although God knows everything there is to know about each one of us, He is very clear that we are to bring our needs to Him. If we are not doing that, then it is not very realistic to expect Him to be answering if we are not asking.

It is always dangerous to try to draw an illustration of who God is from our role as parents, but I will try ~ Let's say my eight year old has told me that she does not have a dress that fits her anymore and she would like to get a new one. In fact, I had already looked in her closet and knew she would be needing a new one soon. Therefore it is a fair request on her behalf and I promise her that I will get her a dress at some point. But what if I go about my week with all that I need to do and don't take time to get her a dress? What will happen? She will remind me that I need to take her to get one. But if I have a very full week it is possible I might not get to the store. What if we go into the next week and I completely forget that she even needs one? Is she more likely to get a dress by saying nothing or by petitioning me regularly and reminding me of what I promised her? Obviously by reminding me of my promise to her.

This is where I am going ~ God is all-knowing and the Bible says He knows what we need before we even ask. Therefore it is not a matter of Him not knowing or forgetting what we need, but for us to know how to approach Him. There is a wonderful parable that Jesus tells in order that we might understand how to pray and it follows immediately after Jesus has taught the Lord's Prayer.

The parable is found in Luke 11 and says this, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me and I have nothing to set before him.' Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's BOLDNESS he will get up and give him as much as he needs."

There are many applications that can be made from those verses, but what I want to encourage is this: When we approach our Heavenly Father with boldness of what we have need for, we do not offend Him - we put into action His operating system. Not only are we assured that He will provide what we need but that He will go to work quickly on our behalf. We know that God's timing is still not ours and we must "be still and know that He is God". But as we are doing that, may we be boldly going to His throne and "reminding Him" of His promises to us. Whether it is for the salvation of your children, the provision of finances or the healing of a friend - God is able and ready, but allows us the privilege of partnering through prayer.

Gender Confusion

I am sure you have heard the expression, "Boys will be boys (and Girls will be girls)". Such a simple statement but so full of truth, isn't it?

I remember reading a report, years ago, by Dr. James Dobson, that told of a national toy store that was being severely criticized for maintaining a "girls" section and a "boys" section in their store. In response to the criticism from the public, they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, reordering all their stores to place all types of toys in combinations for boys as girls as opposed to being in separate sections. Guess what happened? The customers hated it, the kids couldn't figure out where to shop and months later, the national toy chain put everything back the way it was!

This is obviously not a mind boggling report - but it is one that caught my attention back then and stuck...here is the reason - We live in a society that does not know which way is up when it comes to values, roles and basic healthy function. In the past, as a culture, we took our cues from biblical values but many now take their cues from Hollywood values. And even if that is not where we desire to take our cues from, we, as Christians, are still strongly influenced by the secular world because we are so surrounded by it wherever we go - billboards, newspapers, internet, movies, tv, neighbours, etc... So how do we direct our children when it comes to being sure of who they are?

Genesis 1:27 says that, "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; MALE and FEMALE he created them." Right from the beginning of creation God had very special plans for two different types of human beings - boys and girls. As we train up our little ones, it is important that, as parents, we know where to direct them. Where do we begin? Most importantly, their identities (and ours for that matter) must be secure in WHO they are in Jesus Christ - what does that look like? They need to be encouraged over and over by us, as parents, that they are precious to God, that He loves them without conditions, that He rejoices over them, that He created them with a purpose, that they are the apple of His eye,..on it goes. ,we need to be prayerfully asking God what He has for each of them - being careful that we do not force higher forms of education or expectations on them, if it is not where God would have them heading.

For our boys, this can mean helping them think through a job that will provide well for their families some day, while also allowing them to be available as fathers when that time comes. For our girls, it can mean affirming their desire to be mommies some day, and not wiping those thoughts away in greater pursuits of careers and education. I want to tread carefully because I realize this is very much a place of personal opinion for many - but I am listening to young moms who are so lost because they have invested years into a career, are still carrying debt but have babies they want to be home with. The world is telling them to pursue what is best for themselves and their career but the reality is that our children need the security and safety that only a parent can provide.

God created genders for a reason and if we are to parent our children clearly, from the start, we need to have a solid idea of where that direction should take them. We, as parents, are the ones who have the greatest influence on them in these early years, but as everyone tells us when our first baby is born - that time goes fast. We need to know how to shape their hearts so that they can walk with confidence in ALL God has created them to be and to do.

More Wisdom

The older my children become, the more I realize how much more wisdom I need. It seemed to me in the early years, as I transitioned into motherhood, although it was not easy, it did not require great amounts of wisdom - for a while you can get by with basic knowledge of "how to" information. But as those precious little ones grow older, knowledge is no longer sufficient...we must have wisdom (and the reality is, we need wisdom at each stage - I am referring to the sense of desperate need for wisdom).

There is only one source of true wisdom and that comes from God through His Word, and I find myself pursuing this more passionately all the time. I am becoming increasingly aware of the importance of being well equipped as I enter into the new stages of life that come with older children (and I know I still have a long ways to go). There is much wisdom to be gained from friends and mentors who have gone before as well, but I want to look for the wisdom that they have gained from experience with God, not earthly sources.

A mentor and friend shared with me recently that I needed to be seeking God for a greater understanding of who I am in Christ, and this was the reason she gave, "The clarity of your identity will help your children form their identity. As they are getting older, they are drawing more on WHO you are instead of what you can do or what you are." I have felt that in the past year or so, and as we are moving into the teen years with our oldest, I am becoming increasingly aware of how little I need to do (physically) but how much I need to give (emotionally & spiritually). This is a healthy and natural progression but one that draws me deeper into God's Word. When speaking of the wife of noble character, Proverbs 31:26 says this of her, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is one her tongue." That should be the goal for all of us as moms, to be so filled with wisdom from above, that when we open our mouths it is God's truth that comes forth to our children.

One of the things I love about homeschooling so much, is that I am blessed to have each day - all day - to be with my children and speak into their lives. More than education, my highest goal is that I use my time in such a way that my children are equipped with wisdom because of the time we have spent together over the years. This requires me to be growing and seeking the Lord so that I have something more to offer them. We are promised in James 1:5 that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it WILL be given to him."

We need wisdom every moment of every day and when we have God's window of wisdom wide open to us, it makes me wonder why I ever attempt things on my own. The stresses of parenting and the moments we feel we can't take any more are often the times that draw us closest to the Lord and remind us that we should not be trying to do this on our own anyway. God is the God of structure, order and design...He is the One who can show us what we need when our babies are sick, our toddlers are defiant and our teenagers are depressed. May we ever turn to Him as the Source of all wisdom, for that is what He is!

Level Paths

One of my favourite chapters in the New Testament is Hebrews 11 - the chapter of so many heroes of faith. It opens with laying the foundation of what faith is - verse 1 begins with, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for." Then it goes on to list some of the ancients, "By faith Abel...by faith Enoch...by faith Noah...by faith Abraham...by faith Isaac...," and on and on it goes. I love that chapter 12 follows like a challenge to us; to improve our living and step up to God's best for us. I don't know about you, but I can be encouraged in doing right over and over and still need to hear it again. That is what chapter 12 does for me, and with such authority when it is combined with chapter 11 because it calls us to higher living, followed by the testimonies of so many that we know and love from the Old & New Testament who were faithful. I am so thankful for the faithful ones; back then and currently around the world today - my heart soars and is refreshed when I hear of stories of those who choose obedience to Christ no matter the cost.

So how does this all tie into the title of "Level Paths"? Let's look at the first part of Hebrews 12, starting in verse 1, "Therefore (because of all those faithful ancients), since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." What a packed verse - calling us higher because of those who have gone before, reminding us of their faithfulness, challenging us to throw off not just sin but EVERYTHING that hinders. There is so much in our culture and generation that can hinder and it is not all "sin". I think of the distractions that I battle against in daily living - they are often not sin but merely time wasters that still pull me away from focusing on God's best for me, my family and those He has placed around my circle of influence. It is in verse 13 that level paths ties it all together for me, "Make level paths for your feet...make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God." That sums up what I want my life to look like as a wife, mother, daughter, friend...there is so much in there to encourage me to more than where I am at right now.

Making level paths reminds me that it will not happen as I go along in my daily life, without intentional effort - hence the verb MAKE - the NIV Study Bible Commentary says this, "A call for upright conduct that will help, rather than hinder, the spiritual and moral welfare of others." Then immediately following that verse we are told to MAKE (again) EVERY EFFORT to live in peace with ALL men - there are no loop holes in that, are there? That is a direct call to work out all frustrations or challenges that we may have in every relationship we are part of.

Then it goes on to speak to the need for holiness, with a strong warning that if that is not there in our lives, we will not see the Lord. I don't know about you, but that makes me sit up and pay attention - we need to moving towards greater holiness, never settling for where we find ourselves. The best part is what closes that verse, though, because we are told that no one is to miss the grace of God - what does that tells us? It says that after all the challenges laid out to us, God's grace is right there with us, to carry us in times of struggle and to help us move forward in more of what God has for us. Not in our own strength but in His strength.

Robins & Self-Discipline

I was so blessed last month to see a beautiful sight of a robin holding a worm in its mouth. At first glance, that may not seem so impressive or lovely, but I was encouraged by the self-discipline of that robin. As with most birds, it was holding in its beak life's greatest reward (equivalent for us to a big piece of chocolate or cheesecake) and yet it was sacrificing the enjoyment of eating that worm for the sake of nourishing her little ones back at the nest. What a picture of self-discipline! As I watched her fly off with the worm, still choosing not to enjoy the taste of it, I was struck with the reminder of how much I need to continue to pursue self-discipline in my own life.

I don't know where you are at, but I have found that the busier life gets, the harder self-discipline becomes in certain areas. When I was younger, it was commonplace to get up, do my devotions, an aerobic workout, read for a while, work, bike or walk, etc...you can quickly see as you reflect on a list like that, that time was on my side. Now in the fast pace world of toddlers, preteens, homeschooling, ministry and fun, all those things have become seemingly out of reach. Of course, that is not entirely true, but self-discipline becomes a prize of greater worth because it requires greater sacrifice and focus. Just like that robin, the things that I would enjoy most, for a time, may need to be enjoyed at another time for the sake of my "baby birds". The flip side is also there, though, which is that many of those things are still required for healthy living and I need to increase self-discipline so that they can be enjoyed. All areas of life require prayerful balance, don't they?

Proverbs 23:23 combines the importance of discipline in with wisdom and understanding, highlighting the importance of us seeking after it with great seriousness. I love Paul's reference to self-discipline when he refers to it as in I Corinthians 9:26&27, "I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave." That is serious self-discipline and I find it applies to so many areas of my life...getting up early so I have time to be in the Word, biting my tongue when I feel frustrated with my husband, putting down the second (or third) cookie even though I want to eat more, choosing to use a gentle tone with my children even when I am exhausted, cleaning the toilets even though I would rather read a book...the list is endless and different for each person. While any one of us may seem very disciplined in one area, you can be guaranteed that there is another area that we have to work on and grow in.

Do not leave discouraged, though! We must recognize that this should not be attempted in our own strength, if that is how we seek to achieve self-discipline then we are throwing away God's gift to us through Jesus Christ. More and more I find myself asking Jesus for his help in those moments of the day when I feel pressed on every side and He is faithful - that doesn't make it easy but it does make it possible.

Let me close with these awesome verses from I Peter 1 - post it somewhere where you can see it as a visual reminder, if you can...verses 2&3, "Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him." Try to find time to meditate on those verses and the rest of that chapter, if you can - it speaks of precious promises that help us escape evil desires, the call to make every effort to add to our faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, kindness and love...even closing with the understanding that this is what will keep us from being ineffective and not falling.

Don't give up - keep pressing in and on. Victory is sure, even if it does not seem to be in sight, that is where faith kicks in. Find the verses in the Word, like those above, get them somewhere where you can see them a lot and focus on all God has for you.

Safeguards in Marriage

You may be wondering what safeguards and seat belts have to do with marriage - here is what I am thinking about. You cannot get into a car or van anymore, without seeing the vehicle well equipped with seat belts for everyone...why is that? As we all know, seat belts have been proven a thousand times over to save lives. I must admit, though, when I get into our van and do up my seat belt and those of my children before I drive out our driveway, I do not do it expecting to have an accident. Nor should I - I do it knowing that although it is highly unlikely we will have an accident, they are keeping our whole family safe - just in case!

That is a long introduction to explain how I view safeguards in marriage - what I am about to share on with this topic, my husband and I have been criticized and looked down on for. But the further I go in marriage and the more marriages I watch around me, the more convinced I am that we all should be practicing sound safeguards. Here is what safeguards are to us - they are limits and wise decisions made before a situations arises that allow my husband and I to have predetermined standards that we have committed to follow. Sound confusing? Let me expand...

Within Christian marriages, the value of being faithful to your spouse is strongly recognized and supported. But there are a lot of small steps that a Christian would have to take to move from committed in marriage to leaving the commitment to one's spouse. How do those steps happen? That is where safeguards come in. As a practice, my husband does not spend time alone with women, whether business dinners, driving in his vehicle, etc. and I choose not to have men in our home, nor take rides or time alone without my husband there. These examples are a little tricky, because at first glance the average person might say that they wouldn't either, but as you live them out you start to see the challenges. Keeping committed to these safeguards, and ultimately your spouse, to this extent, can cause great inconveniences, and it has multiple times for us. I remember asking a gentleman that needed to wait for my husband, to wait on the porch until my husband got home (it didn't go over so well, but without kids home with me I still felt it was the right thing to do). My husband has had to pay his staff large dollars in mileage so that they travel in separate vehicles to meetings and events, he has also had to make some tough choices with business dinners as he meets with clients, but he has done it as well. Not only are we safeguarding our marriage, we are giving each other a security within our relationship that many couples do not enjoy.

Sometimes when we start to share examples like that, people start to feel judged or that it is overkill, but I would like to argue that they are not and it is not. Here is why - in Proverbs 4, Solomon gives us further insight, he says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day...pay close attention to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart...above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life...Let your eyes look straight ahead...make level paths for your feel and take only ways that are firm...Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

We live within a culture that looks very lightly at vows and commitments and we will certainly not find biblical values being supported in the general media or within many secular work relationships or friendships. I believe God calls us over and over to radical living - when we were told to be in the world and not of the world, I think this could be part of living that out. As with all things, this could be taken to extremes and that is not what I am referring to, but I do want to raise a bar from where I see the comfort level of the average young, Christian couple. As our children have gotten older they have also become accountability for us too - sometimes my husband will take our oldest with him if he needs to speak somewhere with some women involved, or I have found it appropriate to have men wait for my husband because the kids are awake and with me at home - it is not about law and rules, it is about the heart issue. Solomon referred to guarding our hearts above all else because they are our wellspring of life - if the enemy plans to lead us down a dangerous path, it will start out with some nice smelling roses and our hearts being slowly drawn away, not big danger signs and a one time event. Don't be legalistic but be so wise.

The directives are very clear, if we are going to guard our hearts, look straight ahead, make level paths and keep from evil - it requires some drastic measures. Sadly, some of our good friends that have fallen out of godly marriages had the best of intentions but many times we watched them compromise on small things and in the end lose on the big things. It is not worth it! I take us back to the beginning with seat belts...we put them on because although we may feel almost certain nothing will happen we want to be absolutely doing our best to be safe. Likewise, although we may feel absolutely certain our marriages our solid - why would we risk the chance? Would you rather get to the end of life and have enjoyed fifty years of marriage and wonder if you were a bit cautious or get ten or twenty years down the road and wish with all you've got you could just go back and do it over? Guard your marriage - it is the most important relationship you and your children have got!