Speaking Blessing

Have you ever looked at something far off in the distance and squinted long and hard trying to make out what it is?  Then someone comes alongside and says, "Isn't that neat how you can just barely make out the shape of _________ (such and such a landmark)?"  I often feel like that is a picture of parenting - the end result, known only by God, is so far off in the distance that we can hardly see what our children are going to mature into...but we know it is out there.

It can be hard to know what to "aim for" with our children at most stages of parenting; when they are young we feel we might get to have them forever and don't want them to grow up.  Then, as they enter into the teen years, we may be tempted to feel they are growing too quickly without hope they will grow in the ways we want for them.  I believe that as we look to the Word, we can find God's way of dealing with raising our children up through each of these stages...in fact, it is not that different than how God deals with each of us.  What does He do?  He speaks blessing and hope over our lives, even when we feel we don't deserve it!

All throughout the Old and New Testament, God speaks blessing over His people!  Discovering some of these spoken blessings has been of utmost importance for my life and the lives of my children, because as I look to the distant future and try to make out what things will look like in their lives, I realize I can't see clearly.  I don't know who they will marry, I don't know where they will live, I don't know what careers they will pursue - but there is one thing I know and can do now - God wants to bless our children and I can speak God's blessings over them, regardless of the stage!  This accomplishes two things: one it shows our children that there is hope for all that lies ahead, even on the days they don't feel worthy; and two, it reminds us of the truth that God is able to do far more than we could ask or imagine, even if our children's future is looking dim at the moment.

So, what does speaking blessing look like day to day?  Telling your newborn that he/she is a precious gift from God and that He loves them.  Telling your two year old that he/she was created by God and He has good things for them to do.  Telling your seven year old that he/she is growing beautifully in learning more about God and that He has great things in store for their life.  Telling your teenager that even though they can't see where they are supposed to go, God can, and the Word says He has plans to give them a hope and a future.  It is speaking the truth of God's love for them over and over, on good days and hard days - till it sinks it is so solid that no one will be able to take it away.

The hardest times, as a parent, to speak blessing into our kids lives, seem to be the days that we see the least amount of hope; but those are probably the most important times.  They need us to be the "adults" and lovingly remind (us &) them that God has good things to look forward to.  It requires patiently taking a deep breath, giving a hug and assuring them that we love them and God loves them, maybe even sharing a scripture like Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  Every time we speak God's truth into the lives of our children, we plant seeds of hope and truth that will go down deep and remain ~  it will become part of the important foundation that helps the distance become more clear and bright for them.

Don't ever stop speaking blessing!  God has promised His Word will not return void, so keep God's truth coming out!

Deuteronomy 28:3-9 "You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.  The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land...your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.  You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out...The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to.  The Lord your God will bless you in the land He is giving you."

Making the Most of the Little Moments

I have heard it said before that, "Quality times happens amidst quantity time," and I have come to believe that is true.  It may be easy to say that we will carve out an hour a day, per child, but it is not easy to do.  In fact, the more children we have, the more work there is to do, which makes it harder to carve out the hours to be one on one with those we love most.  So, here is what I propose...

While we are all making the most of the quantity of time we have with our children - which to my liking is rarely enough (unless it is a really bad toddler day :-) - create special mini-events to make the most of those little moments.  How does this look?  I have found it looks like: readjusting my expectations to be happy to share one book with a child, even if I can't read all afternoon.  Being happy to scratch my daughter's back for five minutes at bedtime and chat, even if I can't snuggle her for the evening.  Enjoying a time of "Rescue Hero" pretend play for 10 minutes on the rug between rounds of laundry, even though I would rather play all day.  Is that painting a picture?

I have come to see that the moments my children seem to enjoy and recollect the most are not the ones I put the greatest efforts into.  By that, I mean the large scale events - it still takes effort and discipline on my part to sit down and read a book when my tasks are staring me in the face - but not nearly the effort that a whole day at a zoo or a park would take.  Both types of events are important, precious and memorable; but I have found when one of my daughter tells me what means the most to her, it is in the time I took to listen to her tell me something important while I scratched her back.  Or when one of my sons expresses what he loved about his day, it will be something seemingly little (but not really little at all, in his mind); like a tickle fight on the floor.

Don't look down on the small stuff, and don't stop putting out effort because there isn't time to do the big events all the time.  That is real life - we know there will ALWAYS be so much to do!  BUT we only have these moments to savour for a while.  For as long as my kids want to sit on the couch and read, I want to be sure I have read at least something with them.  For as long as they have thoughts to share, I want to be sure I have listened for at least a little while.  I don't think anyone is helped when we neglect all duties to "play" all day, but everyone is helped when we make the most of little moments.  They will never forget it and neither will we!

Zechariah 4:10 "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."

Curbing the Challenges of Sundays

Sometimes I feel that when God instructed us, as Christians, not to forsake gathering together (i.e. going to church) - as stated in Hebrews 10:25, He should have exempted families with babies and young children.  Have you ever noticed that you can get "x" number of kids out the door to a doctor's appointment for 9 am but to get out the door by 10 am on Sundays can be a significant challenge?  Do you wonder why that is?  I have a few suggestions as to the "why" of this, but I also have found some things that have helped me with the "how", as well.

I remember reading in a survey done by Dr. James Dobson, that couples felt they experienced an increased number of fights and frustrations on a Sunday morning compared to the rest of the week.  I have also heard many moms share that the stresses of any given Sunday, seem to be increasingly more challenging than those of an average morning.  And lastly, I have lived through a number of overwhelming Sunday mornings myself and can testify that they can be very hard.  Why would that be?  I would have to presume that the number one most important reason for the stress and challenge of Sunday mornings is the reality of the spiritual battle.  Now I know that brushing hair, giving baths, cooking eggs and putting on some nice clothes on your children might not feel very spiritual - but the enemy is aware of our purpose in all those things and that is where the battle comes in.  Why would Paul go to such efforts in II Corinthians 2 to remind us that, "We are not unaware of (Satan's) schemes," if there wasn't a battle to be fought?

The battle for Sundays, I believe, is real but it should not overwhelm us.  I have found that the greatest mornings of fellowship and worship I have experienced usually followed the mornings I have had to "fight" to get my children ready and out the door, while keeping my marriage healthy, and in tact.  In fact, I find in most areas of life - where there is no battle - I am often just coasting and not growing anyway.  Do not be discouraged by this - in fact, it should put great courage into us when we think of the flip side of it all...if the enemy is going to such lengths to keep us away, it is probably the place we need to be more than anywhere else.

I think another challenge that comes with Sunday, for me anyway, is the practical part of knowing I have gone hard all week and I feel the need to have a day that I don't have to push so hard.  Ideally, Sunday is a day of rest and if we plan well enough, we don't need to be working too hard - but we do need to be realistic in our timing.  As long as we stay aware of the number of things that need to be done before we walk out the door on time, things can stay on track quite well.  But it does require letting go of the selfish side of the "I deserve.." thoughts.

Lastly, do not let the thoughts of discouragement stay in your mind.  You may be tempted to reflect on thoughts of, "Well, I am only in Sunday School (or Nursery, etc) anyway - what is the point?"  Serving in the church is just as much opportunity to faithfully sow into what God has for you, as being in the worship service.  If you have young children and wonder - "Why Bother?", take a few minutes and read an old post here...(http://www.myheartathome.com/2010/03/why-go-to-church.html)

Be blessed as a family, and don't let the enemy keep you away from where God knows you and your family need to be.  It is worth the pressing in and the fight.  Remember how Hebrews 10:25 ends, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the day approaching." God will return and it may be soon - keep on, keeping on!

Lacking Perfection

Did you know God doesn't expect perfection in our lives? It is okay that we are lacking in that area - drastically.  Because He is God, He could have told us to be perfect, as He is perfect - but He didn't.  He called us to something far more beautiful, but attainable only through Him, and that is HOLINESSS.  I Peter 1:15&16 says, "Just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy'."  That can still feel a little overwhelming, though, can't it?  Holiness is a word with a lot of meaning behind it; it can feel that it may only apply to pastors or priests, but that is not the case.  Holiness applies to each one of us and it represents a journey towards becoming more and more Christ-like.

Perfection is not required in this life!  Hebrews 7:11 tells us that, "If perfection could have been attained through the Levitical priesthood...why was there still need for another priest to come?"  In other words, if all the laws could have been kept on our own, we wouldn't have needed Jesus - but the laws (perfection) can't be kept perfectly and we do need Jesus' fullness in our lives.  The more I grow in knowing and understanding who God is, the more rest comes in truly believing He loves me exactly where I am at and who I am at this moment.  I want you to know that assurance too - that is where grace comes in - once we have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of our lives, and the work He did on the cross and through His resurrection, grace basically gives us the freedom to sin.  Now before you get upset with me, remember that is not what God called us to - He has called us to holiness.  I just want to be sure that you understand how HUGE grace is, before I share anything more on holiness.  Remember, Paul asked us if we should go on sinning so grace would abound (because it would), to which he said, "By no means!"  That is not God's best for us, nor will it allow His blessings to flow in our lives because there are always consequences with sin, even if grace is present.

So, what are we to do with all this?  First, ask the Lord to show you what holiness needs to look like in your life.  What things would He like you to let go of, to move closer to all that He has for you?  Knowing that He is our Father who truly loves us and wants the best for us, will help us want to move in this direction because it is safe.  Second, recognize that sometimes the things that we are finding hardest in our daily lives, may be the very things that God is using to bring us further on the path of holiness.  I am amazed at what life can bring, during various stages and times; it can feel awful, exhausting, frightening and overwhelming; but once I am through the other side of those days / weeks / months, I can see God has taken me on a path of learning and growing towards Him and His holiness.  Sometimes understanding it makes those hard times easier.

I came across a beautiful poem that I want to share; it paints a picture of the journey God takes us on in moving towards holiness while also giving a glimpse of God's perfect love and care for us.  It comes from Mrs. Cowman's book, Streams in the Desert:

He sat by a fire of seven-fold heat, As He watched by the precious ore, And closer He bent with a searching gaze, As He heated it more and more.
He knew He had ore that could stand the test, And He wanted the finest gold To mould as a crown for the King to wear, Set with gems with a price untold.
So He laid our gold in the burning fire, Tho’ we fain would have said Him ‘Nay,’ And He watched the dross that we had not seen, And it melted and passed away.
And the gold grew brighter and yet more bright, But our eyes were so dim with tears, We saw but the fire-not the Master’s hand, And questioned with anxious fears.
Yet our gold shone out with a richer glow, As it mirrored a Form above, That bent o’er the fire, tho’ unseen by us, With a look of ineffable love.
Can we think that it pleases His loving heart To cause us a moment’s paint? Ah, no! but He saw through the present cross The bliss of eternal gain.
So He waited there with a watchful eye, With a love that is strong and sure, And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat, Than was needed to make it pure.

What a wonderful picture of what God does with us - He moves us closer to holiness by taking out the things in our lives that shouldn't be there, all the while watching carefully to see that it is not more than we can bear.  Remember, it is alright to be lacking in perfection, but don't ever become content to be lacking in holiness.  Let God work out those things in your life, so He can make you more and more like Him.

Balancing Technology

There is no doubt that we are living in an unprecedented era of technology.  And as a mom, I find it increasingly challenging to know what "balanced living" looks like, with all that is available at our fingertips.  The good news is that there are no pat answers - each of us is different in how much technology we can balance while still truly balancing our families well.  But the bad news is the same - there are no pat answers - each of us must truly guard ourselves against being swept away in the flow of all that is available to us at this point in history.

As I reflect on the past 13 years of my mothering, one thought stands out strongly - I feel old!  I do not believe I am old, age wise, but my experience tells me that things have changed drastically since my first child was born.  As I have listened to the stories from new moms in the past year or so, I have been greatly surprised by how much technology is changing the world of all moms, but especially those of young children.  When I speak with moms who have recently had babies, they tell me of "skyping family with their 2 hour old baby" or "handling emails while in the hospital rooms" or "getting cell phone calls while trying to get the hang of nursing".  All these instances, and so many more, speak something so deep to my heart that I am not sure how to express it into words.

As I ponder what is in my heart, I see the temptation of maintaining the technology being given preference over enjoying the glow of those first hours with your new baby.  I see the challenge of having the ability to share your baby so easily via the internet that you could forget to stop and enjoy what it is you are trying to share.  Does this make sense?  And, I don't think it automatically gets easier to balance as our kids get older, but I do see how fast those early days fly by and how few hours you have to carve out for yourself.  When I reflect back, I am so thankful that my first few days with a new baby required only choosing to leave the TV off, which wasn't hard, and greet the odd nurse or guest that may choose to appear.  The bonding and creating of memories that I experienced will last a lifetime.  But what about once you are home?

As babies grow, there are increasingly larger amounts of time available to us, but how are we choosing to spend them?  Do we really see how much time these social networks can rob us of, as moms?  Do we think through how long it takes to send out ten emails?  Do we ponder what we could be doing with our family, while we choose to read what may be very valuable information on the internet?  Even if we choose to do all these things once our children are in bed, we can be robbing our spouse of quality time with them or our children of a well-rested, cheerful mom the next day.  When I stop and think about it, my friend in "Timbuktu" is NEVER going to remember a post I sent her 20 years from now, but my four year old will remember for a lifetime that we read Ferdinand, the Bull over and over.  Do you see where I am going with this?

It is not a question of right or wrong - it is a question of better and best!  

Even if we assume, that every post we write is valuable, every email is important (at the time) and every website we visit is clean and informative - still, even after all that, is it the best use of our time?  My intent is not to cause guilt or make you feel like a bad mom - that happens enough for me without anyone saying a thing, so I don't want to do that to anyone!  My desire is to cause each of us, myself very much included, to think seriously about what we are doing with each minute of our time.  If time is money, as the old adage puts it - and I happen to believe it is of much greater value - than how are we spending it?  Do you realize that TIME is one of the only resources we can never get back?  Once it is gone, it is gone!  FOR GOOD!

Yes, days with babies and toddlers can seem so long.  And, yes, there is a need to connect and reach out to friends, but please, for the eternal sake of your children, don't let technology go out of balance.  It is a resource to be used, because in many ways it saves us hours of time.  It can also encourage us and instruct us how to do, what we do, better.  But it is not something I want to look back on when my house is quiet and my kids are gone, and wonder why I wasted all those hours that I will never have back again!

            II Thessalonians 3:13  "As for you, my (sisters), never tire of doing what is right."

Restoring

God is always in the process of restoring...if we could see into the spiritual realm, I think we would be amazed at all that He is doing in and around us.  But sometimes we can feel very discouraged for where we are at in life...often it is because we look back on mistakes we have made or the time we feel we have wasted and wish we had done things differently.  But do you know that those feelings can allow for God to move in one of my many favourite ways?  In His miraculous way - He can restore all of these things.  Oh, but I don't know what you have done?  I don't have to, I know what He can do.

In the book of Joel, God gives a wonderful promise, chapter 2 verse 25 says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..."  What a beautiful picture!  When you look at your life, do you see places that feel like they have been devoured?  Times in your past that feel robbed of what could have been or what should have been?  That is okay - God is our restorer.  He can take those times, events and moments in our lives and restore them.  All it requires is our willingness to give them to God and leave them with Him. 

What does this look like?  It can have many different processes, but one of them is as simple as quiet time with God, telling Him about the times in your past that you feel have lacked His best.  Surrendering (which means giving over) those things to Him and asking Him to restore what the "locusts" have eaten.  One promise I have seen carried out in my own life and the lives of so many Christians around me, is that He makes beauty from ashes.  In the moments of pain or sorrow, we cannot possible see what He will be able to do - but He can see it all!  Just as a master craftsman can come into a rundown home and make something new and lovely, so much more so can God take the places in our life that are rundown and broken and create a masterpiece. 

Trust the Lord to do as He promises in Isaiah 61, "To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  What promises - He takes away all of the ashes, mourning, despair and in place give us beauty, gladness, a garment of praise and allows us to display His splendor!  God is the true restorer and master craftsman - allow Him to move in new, deeper ways to restore what the locusts have taken from you!  He has something beautiful planned, my friend!

Encouraging More and More

Do you ever peek in on your sweet, sleeping kids and ask yourself the question, "Why was I so hard on them today?" I already know your answer, because we all experience similar challenges ~ as much as we love our children with all of our hearts, walking out this journey of parenting seems to consistently sneak in moments of frustration.  Don't you find perspective always comes once they are in bed?  Then, you want to wake them up and tell them all over again how much you love them!

I have found a secret that is helping that happen less and less for me ~ encouraging more and more!  One of my favourite verses for parenting, comes from II Timothy 4:2 where Paul says, "Correct, rebuke,and ENCOURAGE - with great patience and careful instruction." That pretty much sums up what I do all day -  how about you?  But as you look through more verses on encouragement (which means to instill courage into someone or give hope and support), they all can apply to parenting.  Listen to this summary taken from different books in the New Testament: "Therefore encourage one another...encourage the young men...encourage one another daily...let us encourage one another...encourage them to remain true...encourage them with these words...encourage them all..."  These verses continue in on much longer, but I am sure you are seeing what I am seeing - we are called by God, to encourage those around us.  So who more should benefit from that than our children?

It can be so easy to encourage our friends, and then turn and nit-pick our children, forgetting to encourage them - I am not saying stop training, that is of primary importance.  But as we train, we can watch for ways to be using encouraging words.  This will draw our children's hearts closer to ours and I believe we will see a desire for them to enjoy learning from us more and more.  Personally, I love being encouraged - I assume you love being encouraged and I know our children need to be encouraged!  When it comes to my children - I want to be that person in their lives - how about you?