THE COMPARISON TRAP

     The snags in the blue-stained carpet held my rapt attention, as I tried to find anywhere to rest my eyes, except on the women talking near me.  It was impossible not to hear their private sharing; and I had nowhere else to go but the seat I occupied in the waiting room.

     Although their conversation had begun with weary words of how exhausting their lives were, it soon had led to the details that left me surprised.  The first woman shared her "busyness" which consisted of pedicures, hair appointments and back massages.  The second description was not very different.

     Within moments, it seemed the air became more stale than it had been and the sunlight streaming in the windows dimmed its bright and cheery effect.  What changed?  Only my heart and its response to some strangers description of busyness...you see, I fell feet first into a comparison trap.

     What's a comparison trap?  A device that is used frequently in our lives -- so often, that we may not even notice its stellar effectiveness that leads us away from the things with which we are already blessed.  In fact, there are traps of this nature set around our lives daily and we must navigate them with extreme caution.

     Ease of life?  Children?  Personal dwellings?  Spouses?  Wardrobes?

     These areas and many more can either be examined with a warm heart of thankfulness for what we have, or a cold heart of emptiness that comes from what we don't have.  Our attitude will determine whether we fall into the trap of comparison or step over it with a giant step of gratitude.

     You must know your own weaknesses for the comparison traps in your world and be as vigilant as a soldier on duty.

     How did my blue-stained carpet afternoon end?  I quickly sensed God remind me that my life, too, would have aspects of ease to it also, depending on the person that would overhear one of my conversations.  It was not for me to judge, nor wallow in self-pity; but to stand up and recognize the greatness of EVERY good thing I enjoy...even if it's not over a pedicure.

"Make a careful exploration

of who you are...don't compare

yourself with others." 

Galatians 6:4

   

OUR WANTS VS. THEIR NEEDS

     I had "my" day all laid out...like a garden planted in perfect rows, the hours of "my" day were going to flow in ideal order, UNTIL...

     The "until" came early on a Saturday morning, as my youngest child stood beside me in the parking lot of a store and gazed dreamily up at a snow covered hill.  "Mom," he asked softly, "wouldn't it be so fun to sled down that hill?"

     My honest answer would have been, "No, I don't like getting cold nor wet, and I have a numbered list of things I am going to do today."

     BUT, my heart stepped in to speak before cold-hearted honesty did, and my real answer to those captivating, baby-blue eyes was, "Yeah, it would, but we're not allowed to sled there.  How about we go to an even bigger hill where we are allowed to sled?"

     In an instant my list flashed before my face and I knew all those boxes waiting to be checked off in systematic order were going to remain empty today.  I grieved silently for a moment, then loaded my kids in the van and headed home to grab sleds and snow-pants.

     The hours that followed were filled with smiles, laughter and bone-weary hikes up the tobogganing hill -- and you know the ending, right?  I wouldn't have traded it for the world when we were done!

     Then why was it so hard to leave my tick-boxes blank if I was trading them in for such perfection of experience?

     I see it as an ongoing challenge of motherhood...it's the never-ending balancing act of blending "our" wants with "their" needs.

     The reality is, we couldn't live our lives on the snow-covered hills every day; but for me, my tendency is to err on the side of responsibility over and over, and forget to have the fun.

     Chances are, you are either nodding your head up and down vigorously at this moment because you know exactly what I'm talking about OR you're shrugging your shoulders with a "what's the big deal" response, because you're the one who needs more time with tick-box days.

     God has created each of us uniquely, as moms, and yet we are all called to do a similar job.  A job that consists of raising children, keeping a home, making multiple daily meals, caring for injuries, shuttling lesson-goers, and on and on.

     Where do you land, Mom?

     Do you know how to discern your wants from their needs?  Do you see that the truth is we will NEVER get this perfect as a balancing act, regardless of whether we are "box-checkers" or "shoulder shruggers"?

     Every day is a new day -- one to be delicately balanced with memory-making and real-life working.  Don't beat yourself up trying to get it perfect.  All we can do is our best; to evaluate what each day needs AND what you are reasonably able to offer it...then enjoy it, while you make some memories along the way.

     "There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

TUMBLED

     I love "before and after" pictures!  Maybe it's because my husband has a renovation company -- I've watched with wonder, for years, what happens when permission is given to tear down the old and replace it with new.  The results are always amazing (and so is my renovator).

     But this week, I experienced a new type of "before and after", while visiting with a friend.  She introduced me to their rock tumbling machine, showing me what the rocks look like before they go in and then the gorgeous examples of what comes out at the end.  The "after" is so stunning, it's hard to fathom they came from the "before" rocks.

     When I learned the process takes a whole month of their machine running non-stop, 24 hours a day, only pausing to add different grades of grit, I was even more impressed.  That's 720 hours of being tumbled.

     Have you ever felt "tumbled" as a mom?  I have.  In fact, I relate to the 24 hour a day feeling too, don't you?

     Sometimes I feel like one of the rocks in my friend's machine.  I think these tumbling experiences will never end...I'm sure the "grit" I'm dealing with couldn't possibly do any good in my life...and I'm positive the end result may look worse than the beginning.  But that's because I'm the rock; not the operator.

     God is the "operator" in our lives and He allows us to be "tumbled" from time to time because He's in the process of making something very unique and beautiful in each of us.  Often we can't see past the grit and chaos to appreciate the beauty; but it's there.  The "before" and "after" pictures promise something stunning...but we can't quite see that far yet.

     That's the joy and challenge of motherhood.  We're often being "tumbled" but our wildest dreams can't conjure what good could be in this for us...but God can!


     As I've stumbled through certain weeks, I sometimes find myself wondering if God remembers that He's left His tumbling machine turned on, with me in it.  But the Bible tells us in Romans 8 that, "In ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him," and this truth reminds me that God never tumbles anything in my life without reason and purpose.

     If you're feeling "tumbled" this week, take time to stop and reflect on some truths from God's Word that will remind your heart that God is in charge.  He will not let you be tumbled longer than necessary.  But He is in the process of creating a masterpiece of a mom!

"So (Jeremiah) went down to the potter's house, 

and I saw him working at the wheel...

then the word of the Lord came to me.  

He said...'Like clay in the hand of the potter, 

so are you in My hand.'" 

Jeremiah 18:3&6   

HOORAY FOR WEAKNESS

 

     You've sat in one of those groups of moms, haven't you?  You know, the circle of chatting women who are sharing the heroics of their perfect kids, modeling the perfect hair-do, while all you seem to be able to pull off is trying to subtly check your breath to see if you remembered to brush your teeth before staggering out the door this morning?

     I've been there.  In fact, I own a few different sizes of that t-shirt, because you know what?  Life can be hard as a mom.

     Every stage of mothering brings new challenges that we've never been through.

     Every child brings new difficulties that we've never faced.

     Every day has problems of its own.

     So...do you want to know how to conquer the emotions of those circles of seemingly "perfect" women?  Do you want to know the secret of silencing the lies that whisper, no SCREAM, in your ears on those hard days?  You need to say HOORAY FOR MY WEAKNESS!

     I don't give this advice lightly.  In fact, it's taken me a long time to reach the point of confidence in my own weaknesses to say this.  And, it's not just my own opinion; it's actually biblical.

     Paul, the "super-apostle" of the New Testament, experienced an epiphany moment with God of this very same nature, in II Corinthians 12:9.  Look at the conversation that occurred between God and Paul...
      "But He (God) said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I (Paul) will BOAST all the more gladly about my WEAKNESSES, so that Christ's power may rest on me."


     Do you hear Paul's determination swelling as the excitement in his heart grows?  He got it!  And as moms, we need to get it!

     God will rush to our side, bringing His awesome power to our situations when we are, ultimately, bragging about our failures and struggles...not when we are touting about the greatness of ourselves or our children.


     Be honest with yourself -- who do you enjoy hanging out with more?  The mom who tells you how you too can "have it all together" if you just do X, Y & Z, OR the mom who shares with a humble smile how she forgot to pick up her child from the bus stop three afternoons this week?  It's a no-brainer, we all find safety in the honest, real mom.

     We all have strengths and weaknesses; and both are needed in our homes, our marriages and our friendships.  Share from your strength in gentle ways to help a friend, but be equally willing to let your hair hang down - long and shaggy - and be real about your weaknesses.  You may be amazed at the doors that will open, the lies that will stop pounding in your head and the joy that will return to your steps.

     You are an AWESOME mom!  You are the one God chose for your children!  You have what it takes IF you combine it with God's amazing power as you say HOORAY for weakness today.

"If I must boast, I will

boast of the things that show 

my WEAKNESS."

II Corinthians 11:30

THE GIFT OF HEARING

     The ability to hear...what a gift that I often take for granted.  Until recently.  Our youngest has had some minor issues with his ears, and though it looks like it will resolve itself in the near future, it has brought a new outlook to life lately.

     "Did you put away your toys?" demands responses like, "What boys?"

     "Did you finish your Math?" comes back with, "I don't want a bath."

     The worst, though, is certainly when my questions are followed by nothing. Silence.  Not because of being ignored but simply an inability for him to hear at all.

     It's caused me to ponder something on a deeper level -- how often does God speak to me and find a similar experience?


     He speaks to my heart and shows me someone who has a need and I respond with going to the store and buying something for myself.


     Maybe He prompts my heart to call someone on the phone and I click on my email to see if there are any messages.


     Or worse, He waits for me to take time with Him and I rush through my busy day never stopping to acknowledge Him at all.


     God has made each of us for relationship -- not just with those around us that we can see and touch, but with HIM!   He speaks to our hearts and wants to tell us that we are loved.  He offers important tasks that He wants us to carry out on His behalf, but we sail on by missing the opportunity altogether.


     How can we clear our ears to "hear" what God has to say to us?


     Often it's by pausing and simply remembering to listen.  It's also in taking time in His Word and asking Him to speak to us.  And just being willing to follow that still, small voice when you know you're being encouraged to take a step.


     May our ears be open and our hearts be ready to hear from our God.

"Listen and HEAR my voice;

pay attention and HEAR

what I say."

Isaiah 28:23

ONE THING...

     Have you ever noticed that one thing leads to another?  It seems to work with both the good and the bad.

     Think about a choice of a cookie for breakfast or a banana -- which one leads to a healthy lunch?  Usually the banana.

     What about speaking to our kids in a gentle voice or losing it -- which one leads to a calm response later in the day?  Usually the gentle voice.

     But when we're totally honest, it's hard!  There are "cookie days" when it's just easier to reach for a cookie than a banana.  There are "losing it" days when it's just easier to let it out than hold it in.

     Those are the days I see my desperate need for God and His grace and I'm filled with wonder and thankfulness for who He is because of who I'm not!

     Have you experienced God's grace pouring out in your life, Moms, or are you too busy dumping heaps of guilt over your head like buckets of icy, cold water?


     The enemy of our souls is thrilled when we berate ourselves for our weakness and failures, but God is NOT -- He sent Jesus to cover all the "cookie" days and the "losing it" days!  He loves us as much after the cookie package has been ripped into as He did before.  He loves us as much after we've let our voices reach loud levels, but we don't get it, do we?

     We live in a culture that tells us value and worth are based on our performances; whether we realize it or not, we are all holding a red pen in our back pockets getting ready to tick the "F's" on our own report cards.  Take out that red pen and snap it in half -- it's mocking the grace that God extends and wants to extend in our lives.

     Yes, when we are His, God continues to call us to holiness - to becoming more like Him - BUT He does not condemn us when we fail, He pours out grace like sweet smelling bubbles in a warm bath.  May we listen for His voice in our lives and not the voices of everything else that surrounds us.

     Sink into those bubbles and let Him heal your heart.  As we accept His grace, we'll become ready and wanting to reach out for His help -- then those days will slowly become fewer and further apart, and we'll discover new levels of grace and blessing.

"From HIS fullness we have

all received, grace upon grace."

John 1:16

 

THE NEW BIG

 
     We clean toilets.  We scrub juice stains.  We kiss little cuts.  And every once in a while we wonder, Am I really doing anything of importance?  Is there any lasting value in my life?


     In one of those recent moments I sensed God's whisper in my heart -- "What if small is the new big?"


     What if all these little things that we do in the daily grind we call motherhood really are HUGE? 


     We carry out millions of seemingly trivial tasks every day and yet rarely pause to reflect on how we are affecting the future.  Each step, each act of love is investing in a whole new generation.

     God sees each effort...each occasion that we feel is insignificant.  Yet, He sees with different eyes.  In Luke 16, Jesus tells us that whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.


     I want to be trusted with much.  So do you.  


     That makes this the season to be trusted with little.


     Faithfulness is the foundation of life.  We are changing the world, when we change diapers with love.  We are impacting the world, when we impact a four year old heart.  We are positively influencing the world, when we positively influence our homes and families.

     Don't let discouraging thoughts darken your small tasks -- think of them as the new big!  You are making a difference in the world, one faithful moment at a time.

"Take a good hard look at Jesus.

He's the centerpiece of everything

we believe, FAITHFUL in everything

God gave Him to do."

Hebrews 3:1&2

   


     

CONDUCTING OUR ORCHESTRAS

     If our homes are "music pits" and our families are the "orchestras", then we, as parents, are called to be the "conductors".  What is it that we are "conducting"?  The "music" that God has called our family to play together.

     And there's great news -- each family is designed to play a unique "score"!  No family should try to imitate the "music" of another, but instead learn and savour the "music" that flows from their own "orchestra".

     Once we grasp the value of our "music" being individual to our family, then we need to see how important our roles are, as "conductors".  Just as an orchestra would never play from completely different scores at the same time, we've learned that neither should our families.

     Our "score" is made up of the values that God has called us, as the "conductors", to build our homes upon.  We must guard this "score"!

     We live in a time in history where our values -- the "musical scores" -- are being tossed out windows and discarded on street corners; where a "score" is viewed as something negotiable at best, or useless at worst.  

     As "conductors", we can tend to feel unpopular and badly for the decisions we have to make and things we have to say no to, because we forget what a beautiful treasure our "musical score" is meant to be.  We've been entrusted with a legacy that is meant to bless our children, those around us and the generations to come, but we this will only transpire IF we take our roles seriously.

     Examine what your "score" should look like, in light of God's Word and the "musicians" He has placed in your home.  What "areas of music" have you been letting slide that need to be brought back into alignment with God's plan for our "orchestras"?  What questions are your children asking that need to be answered in a bold no instead of a soft, uncertain I guess so?

     God made us, as parents, to "conduct" with all the passion, heart and conviction that He has placed within us, and what we find in His Word.  Don't ever shy away from the loveliness that God wants to flow from your home just because you are afraid to be the "conductors" that He has called you to be!

"My heart, O God, is

steadfast; I will sing and 

make music with all my soul."

Psalm 108:1

   

DON'T NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME

     Each snowflake that falls to the ground is unique in its design -- that boggles my mind every winter!  Yet we don't look at individual snowflakes and think God made a mistake; we celebrate His creativity.  So, why are we so quick to look at others around us and make ourselves feel inadequate?

     I've learned I don't need anyone to tell me what I'm not good at!  It glares at me, sometimes all day long.  As moms, we're so good at reminding ourselves of what we DON'T do well, aren't we?

     Why is that?  How can we be exactly who God has created us to be and yet be so dissatisfied with our strengths and abilities we possess?

     Often skills that come easily don't seem to hold any true value in our minds.  And yet, the irony lies in the fact that it can be those same skills in us that will stare someone else in the face and make them feel so incapable.

     Are you tracking with me?

     YOU are talented.

     YOU are gifted.

     YOU are skilled.

     When you focus your discouraged eyes on the person who does well with that which you can't, you lose appreciation for what God's placed within you.

     DON'T beat yourself up about what you can't do!.  Stop!  Realize that what you do well is what God has gifted you to do.  What they do well is what God has gifted them to do.

     In I Corinthians, Paul shares the comparison of the physical body with gifts and abilities.  He asks how foolish it would be if all of us wanted to the eye, because then we wouldn't hear.  Or in the case of the ear, then we couldn't smell.  Likewise, we must recognize our value as we have been created.

     Some are created to make music, while some are created to make cookies; some are created to bring order, while some are created to bring excitement.

     None of us are irreplaceable -- not one!  Only the lies that pound on the back door of our hearts will whisper that message.  God has fashioned each of us with a specific plan and purpose; find out what that is for you and embrace it, celebrate it...but whatever you do, DON'T COMPARE IT!      

"God has placed the parts

in the body, EVERY one of them,

just as He wanted them to be.
If they were all one part,

where would the body be?"

I Corinthians 12:18&19

A DEADLY LIE

     So many lies are being served up to us daily on a silver platter -- they look tantalizing, they sound convincing and seem so real!

  We lift the lid and indulge; then wonder later why we're battling unwelcome thoughts in our hearts and minds.

     Certain lies appear innocent enough in the moment, but once they slip in the back door, it's hard to control where they roam.

     If we were sitting on my couch, sipping tea this afternoon, and I asked you what you felt was one of the most deadly lies, what would you say?

     I know what I would say...I would look you in the eyes and tell you, "One of the most deadly lies is the lie that your situation at hand doesn't have any hope!"

     In our heads, it's so easy to say, Sure, I know there's hope.  But it's not just our heads that the enemy is targeting and sometimes it's harder to convince our hearts!

     Maybe the lies seems silly, like; "There's no hope...this baby is NEVER going to sleep through the night."  I say silly only because we all know in our heads that eventually this baby won't be a baby and of course, they will sleep through the night, but...it FEELS hopeless in the moment, doesn't it?

     What about a lie, like; "There's no hope...this toddler is NEVER going to master potty training."  Again, we know in our heads that eventually this toddler will be able to use the toilet because it's part of growing up, but...it can FEEL utterly impossible in that stage, can't it?

     Then there's the more serious lies, like; "There's no hope...my husband's the way he is and it will never change.  Marriage is NEVER going to get better."  Depending on the challenges you face, that can feel like a very real possibility, and we can be completely unsure of how things could change, and...it FEELS like nothing will ever improve, doesn't it?

     If you go back and scan the three examples above what two words do you see each time?
          1) NEVER
          2) FEELS

     Do you know why it's so important to recognize those two words?  Because they are the key that unlocks the door from our head to our heart for the deadly lie of hopelessness.  

     When we hear ourselves thinking "never" and evaluating our momentary circumstances based on how we "feel" that should be like a flashing, red warning light!  "Emergency, emergency; we are determining our future based on what we see and feel, not on what God says!!!"

     We can't see what's around the corner!  We don't know what God's about to do!  We have no idea how things can turn out IF we give them over to God!

     He's the One who gets to write the endings and His Word promises us that...

•  In ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)
• God will be with us in trouble and deliver us (Psalm 91:15)
• God's plans are to prosper us and give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

   
     Reflect on the areas that are causing you stress or concern -- babies, money, teenagers -- whatever it is, God is MORE than able to write the ending, but we have a part to play.  We have to give these areas over to the Lord and ask Him to be in charge.  Once we commit our ways to Him, He is freed up to work in very real, intimate ways in our lives, but He won't push His way in, He's waiting to be asked, trusted and invited.

     Don't buy the deadly lie that there is NO HOPE!  There's always hope when God is invited into the middle of our worlds!  Go to the Bible, dig for the truth that applies to your personal situation of hopeless feelings and smother it in God's truth.  Hold it tight and don't let go -- you have no idea what's just around the corner!

"You will KNOW the TRUTH

and the TRUTH WILL set you free!"

John 8:32

LEADING FROM MISTAKES

     I like to do things well.  Really well.  But I've realized something over these years of parenting that has stretched me as a mom --

     The best leading I do isn't from my perfection; it's from my mistakes.

     God knew this long before I began stumbling down this winding road of parenting.  It's one of the many reasons He told us that when we're weak, He wanted to be strong for us.  But let's be honest, we'd rather lead than lean, wouldn't we?

     We're an independent type of people, but if we are going to truly "succeed" at motherhood, and by definition of succeed I mean become all God wants us to be as moms, then we can't stay stuck on reaching perfection.  We need to discover the contentment of making mistakes despite trying our best and find the joy of leaning on our Father.

     God longs to give us all we need to lead these little, and not so little, ones who require direction.  But we have to accept that we can confidently lead from the mistakes we've already made, far better than the perfection we may aimlessly chase after.

     The irony of our feeble attempts is that the less we TRY and the more we LEAN, the more laughter bubbles up in our homes and the bigger the smiles are that fill the faces of our children.

     Only God is perfect and because of Jesus, we're on a journey that leads to better and better things.  Hebrews 10:14 reminds us of this, "By one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."  Do you hear the verb tenses jumping up and down in that verse?  Has made -- means already accomplished and Being made -- means we are a work in progress.  God doesn't expect more of us than we are able to do but He is ready to use us exactly where we are at!

     So next time you mess up and you find yourself wishing for more perfect outcomes, remember God uses us, mistakes and all, to lead these children He's entrusted in our care.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for My power is made perfect

in weakness."

II Corinthians 12:9