This sweet shot goes back a few years to when our girls were a little younger, but it fits well for what I want to share on the topic of comparing. Have you ever noticed that something can look the same on the outside, but be completely different on the inside? When we dig out fun, matching dresses for our three daughters, does it mean I want them to be the same on the inside? Of course not! Does it mean I want them to look at each other and decide, even though wearing the same style of dress, who looks the prettiest? Absolutely not! They are each God's awesome creation, created in His image with special plans that He has intended for them to live out. Just as I, as a mother, would not want my girls to feel the need to envy their sister or try to be something other than who they are, I believe our Heavenly Father wants us to live in that same freedom of who He has created us to be, without looking side to side to see who is doing life "the best". Are you comparing?
This past month in our Mom's Night we were discussing "Realities and Myths" and one of the things that stood out the most in the feedback I have received from moms is - Wow, others are really human too! Some moms were amazed to hear others share about feeling discouraged in the same area that they do and they were surprised to know that others found struggles in similar areas. Yes, of course we are all blind to some blessings in our own lives, that others can usually see, but it is because we are too busy comparing. Comparing to what? Let me explain.
II Corinthians 10:12 says, "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves." I think that is something, especially as women, we do far too often. It might happen without us realizing it or it may be very intentional - it is not always done with a heart of judgment either. In fact, my greatest concern for my young mom friends is not that they judge one another but that they judge and look down on themselves. As with most things, there are two "ditches" in the comparing game - one is that we look at others and find ourselves better in our own eyes and the other ditch is that we examine those around us and find ourselves so lacking that we don't walk in the confidence God intends for each of us.
It is in the next chapter of II Corinthians, that Paul goes on to say, "I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray." It is what we have looked at many times before - the battle is primarily in our minds. That is why taking thoughts captive is so important. One of the things I love the most that comes from Neil Anderson is this, "When you are deceived, do you know it?" Of course not, that is what the word deception implies, we have been fooled or had the wool pulled over our eyes.
It is the same in the everyday journey of being a wife and a mother, we are open to the myths of other woman who make parenting look "easy" or make marriage look "fun". Those are not the realities of life if you were behind their closed doors any more than it is behind your own closed doors. I read a great quote recently by Jill Savage and she said this, "When we compare ourselves to other moms, we will always come up short. Why? Because we’re comparing our insides to someone else’s outsides. That’s not a fair comparison at all. We’ll never know someone else as well as we know ourselves so this is a game we can never win. " This is truly the bottom line - God has made each of us unique, there are no two moms the same and there are no two wives the same. Nor should there be, because God has things planned for you that no one else can do the same. And He has given (or may give you) children, and those children need you to be the mother God desires you to be in who He has made you - not trying to be someone you are not.
God would not have placed us in the homes He did, with the husband and children we have, unless He had special plans for us. There is not anything that happens without Him being fully aware and He will use all things in our lives for His glory IF we let Him. Let's not compare ourselves with anyone down the street or down the pew - we need to learn to love who God has made each one of us to be.
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