Safeguards in Marriage

You may be wondering what safeguards and seat belts have to do with marriage - here is what I am thinking about. You cannot get into a car or van anymore, without seeing the vehicle well equipped with seat belts for everyone...why is that? As we all know, seat belts have been proven a thousand times over to save lives. I must admit, though, when I get into our van and do up my seat belt and those of my children before I drive out our driveway, I do not do it expecting to have an accident. Nor should I - I do it knowing that although it is highly unlikely we will have an accident, they are keeping our whole family safe - just in case!

That is a long introduction to explain how I view safeguards in marriage - what I am about to share on with this topic, my husband and I have been criticized and looked down on for. But the further I go in marriage and the more marriages I watch around me, the more convinced I am that we all should be practicing sound safeguards. Here is what safeguards are to us - they are limits and wise decisions made before a situations arises that allow my husband and I to have predetermined standards that we have committed to follow. Sound confusing? Let me expand...

Within Christian marriages, the value of being faithful to your spouse is strongly recognized and supported. But there are a lot of small steps that a Christian would have to take to move from committed in marriage to leaving the commitment to one's spouse. How do those steps happen? That is where safeguards come in. As a practice, my husband does not spend time alone with women, whether business dinners, driving in his vehicle, etc. and I choose not to have men in our home, nor take rides or time alone without my husband there. These examples are a little tricky, because at first glance the average person might say that they wouldn't either, but as you live them out you start to see the challenges. Keeping committed to these safeguards, and ultimately your spouse, to this extent, can cause great inconveniences, and it has multiple times for us. I remember asking a gentleman that needed to wait for my husband, to wait on the porch until my husband got home (it didn't go over so well, but without kids home with me I still felt it was the right thing to do). My husband has had to pay his staff large dollars in mileage so that they travel in separate vehicles to meetings and events, he has also had to make some tough choices with business dinners as he meets with clients, but he has done it as well. Not only are we safeguarding our marriage, we are giving each other a security within our relationship that many couples do not enjoy.

Sometimes when we start to share examples like that, people start to feel judged or that it is overkill, but I would like to argue that they are not and it is not. Here is why - in Proverbs 4, Solomon gives us further insight, he says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day...pay close attention to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart...above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life...Let your eyes look straight ahead...make level paths for your feel and take only ways that are firm...Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

We live within a culture that looks very lightly at vows and commitments and we will certainly not find biblical values being supported in the general media or within many secular work relationships or friendships. I believe God calls us over and over to radical living - when we were told to be in the world and not of the world, I think this could be part of living that out. As with all things, this could be taken to extremes and that is not what I am referring to, but I do want to raise a bar from where I see the comfort level of the average young, Christian couple. As our children have gotten older they have also become accountability for us too - sometimes my husband will take our oldest with him if he needs to speak somewhere with some women involved, or I have found it appropriate to have men wait for my husband because the kids are awake and with me at home - it is not about law and rules, it is about the heart issue. Solomon referred to guarding our hearts above all else because they are our wellspring of life - if the enemy plans to lead us down a dangerous path, it will start out with some nice smelling roses and our hearts being slowly drawn away, not big danger signs and a one time event. Don't be legalistic but be so wise.

The directives are very clear, if we are going to guard our hearts, look straight ahead, make level paths and keep from evil - it requires some drastic measures. Sadly, some of our good friends that have fallen out of godly marriages had the best of intentions but many times we watched them compromise on small things and in the end lose on the big things. It is not worth it! I take us back to the beginning with seat belts...we put them on because although we may feel almost certain nothing will happen we want to be absolutely doing our best to be safe. Likewise, although we may feel absolutely certain our marriages our solid - why would we risk the chance? Would you rather get to the end of life and have enjoyed fifty years of marriage and wonder if you were a bit cautious or get ten or twenty years down the road and wish with all you've got you could just go back and do it over? Guard your marriage - it is the most important relationship you and your children have got!