Don't Stop...till you get to the Heart!

     Again - harsh, prickly words bounce off the windows in the back of our van and I feel my shoulders sag.  Will this never end?  Will my children never learn how to be kind to one another?

     I turn the vehicle into our driveway and I'm tempted to join the firing squad and add my own set of "bullets" to the words that are moving at the speed of light, but I stop short.  It won't make it any better.  In fact, unless I reach the heart of each of these children, I'll never deal with the real issue -- the roots.

     Over and over, I resist the urge to apply a band aid to poor behavior; although it feels as attractive as fresh churned butter must to a housefly. 

     I know God wants more than band aids in parenting these children.  Some days I can't believe he entrusts me with this staggering privilege and task of training these young ones.  Does He really think I'll ever succeed?

     There's my first clue that I must have slipped back into relying on my own strength -- that I've been taking the responsibility back into my hands.  It's GOD'S JOB and I'm His vessel to flow through with my children, and I know if I am really going to see these issues resolve then I have to go deeper than rules and consequences . . . I have to get to their hearts!

     Why is it so easy to put on band aids and leave the roots buried?  

     Because I tire of this task.  It's easier to "make" them obey than it is to help them see why they should WANT to obey.

     If God's going to be able to access their hearts, then they must see their need for His help.  Not through belittling them or embarrassment but through gentle one-on-one conversations that expose what lies deeper than the surface of the actions in question.

     It reminds of Jesus' words in Matthew 15, when He said, "The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean'."  Ouch.  That hits so close to home that I can feel the heat flood my face.

     God, help me to never become satisfied with only altering my children's behavior.  Don't let me stop until I get to the heart of each of my children, so they'll learn what it is to cry out to You for their rescue from the issues buried deep inside.  Thank you that Your love is deeper, wider and greater than anything else this world could offer!  Amen.

 

"I speak as to my children-

open wide your hearts...for

we are the temple of the living God."

II Corinthians 6:13&16

This Is It!

 

     Grass scatters across the not-so-gleaming hardwood floors, wet towels pile up faster that the washing machine can manage and sunblock applications are vying for becoming a full-time job.  The days can seem long, until suddenly I am pulling the sheets up to the chins of my little ones once AGAIN and I realize another day has passed, and it hits me . . . this is it!  This is summer, the season that makes all others pale in comparison and I am letting it slip out of my fingers.

     The danger of any season can be the temptation of letting our hearts glance ahead to what comes next, instead of savouring what is right in front of us . . . but summer?  I dream of warm days and free time with the ones I love most in the world, all year.  So much so, that I have to catch myself periodically on the snowy, white days and remind myself to stay in that moment too.

     Joy-filled moments seem so easily threatened by dark clouds that would like to blow in and cover up our sunshine experiences.  

     This is it -- when I choose joy!

     I tell my eyes to look away from the mess on the kitchen floor and look to the joy of my children tossing water balloons in the backyard.

     I tell my hands to relax on the dirty laundry and go snuggle my waiting child.

     I tell my feet to stop the hurrying with all that surrounds and take a walk with my loved ones.

     Regardless of what month is displayed in bold print on the kitchen calendar -- this is it!  The month, the days, the hours and the minutes we have to bask in the moments before us . . . to unearth the treasures that are right here in these glimpses of time.  "This IS the day that the Lord has made, we WILL rejoice and be glad in it."  I don't want to forget that!

"My heart is glad and my

tongue rejoices; my body

also will rest in hope."

Acts 2:26



The Value of Bickering

     The value of bickering?  What?!  How could there be ANY value when children bicker and siblings seem to fight near to death?

     I can't imagine ever reaching the point of being truly thankful for the arguments that are waged in our home, but I have come to appreciate the value behind it all.  Ecclesiastes 4 says, "Two are better than one," and we all know that if we only had one child there wouldn't be any bickering -- so how could Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, say two are better?

     Take heart, dear mom,  there are godly, mature adults being formed in those little bodies we call our children. 

     If it weren't for the challenges our children face in their relationships now, while we're present to guide them, then awful times would lie ahead in their futures.  Just as it's monumentally easier to learn a second language when you're a child compared to the frustration of learning one as an adult, so it's true with the lessons of life found in the home at a young age. 

     The lessons our children learn now as we train them how to communicate their feelings, control their natural reactions and offer or seek forgiveness are invaluable to their future. 

     Could we go as far as saying these lessons are even more valuable than any academics they may pursue?

     What's really happening as our little ones attempt to swing their arms and raise their voices to decibels that threaten to shake the rafters?  With our help and intervention, they're making each other stronger individuals. 

     In Proverbs 27, we're told that ,"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."  And what happens when iron hits iron?  Sparks fly!  It's not always pleasant or pretty as we would choose or prefer, but can you see it's necessary?

     So should we lower our standards and let those fists fly freely in the living room boxing ring? 

     No, I believe as godly parents we are called on to train each of our children in the way they SHOULD go, not the way they naturally go.  That means strenuous work on our part, with long hours and little reward in the early years.

     One day, if we don't give up, we'll look around and notice . . .
    
     ~ a little more peace in the air,

     ~ an apology offered without prompting,

     ~ or even a gentle smile where there could have been offense,

     and we'll raise our hands in victory because God will have rewarded the labour of our hearts and hands.

     Never give up, moms!  Children's voices can hurt our hearts and the bickering shake our heads, but as long as they have breath, there is hope. 

     The enemy's tactic is to whisper that our children are different than the ones down the street, or that they will never change, BUT that is not God's final word.  We have God's final word that the reward waits for those who persevere in these challenging times.

"Let us not grow tired

of doing what is good.

At just the right time

we WILL reap a

harvest of blessing IF

we don't give up."

Galatians 6:9



REALLY Loving our Children

     The house resembled the aftermath of an earthquake, the loud voices of children reverberated off the walls and "dad" was due home any minute and would be looking for his supper!  I was not experiencing the emotions of being a loving mommy in that moment . . . but fortunately there's a lot more to love than feelings.

     There is love in its godly, active form -- LOVING, when it's found as a verb.

     We scattered to put quick semblance of order to the messes that seemed to litter every room, I worked to patiently lower the noise level and pull together a chicken stir-fry.  By the end of that day, when young ones were asleep and older ones had their feet resting with a book in hand, life felt a little more hope-filled again.  I was feeling more loving again.

     But what a dangerous thing it is to parent out of our emotions.

     Dr. Dobson had it right years ago, when he said, "Love is a decision."  We daily have to choose to love -- it's our calling as moms to model it to our children and to shower it on our families, as well.

     I came across a poem in a book I was reading last week; although there was no credit to who the author was, evidently it was a rendition of I Corinthians 13.  Listen to what it says . . .

     If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,
     but have not love ~ I am a housekeeper, not a homemaker.
     If I have time for waxing, polishing and decorative achievements,
     but have not love ~ my children learn cleanliness, not godliness.
     Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh.
     Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
     Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
     Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
     Love is present through trials.
     Love reprimands, reproves and is responsive.
     As a mother there is much I must teach my child,
     but the greatest of all is . . . LOVE.


     That poem is now printed and set upon my fridge, lest I forget my God-given call and reorder the values and priorities that He has for my life as a wife and mom.  May you, too, find a way to be reminded that we each are given the opportunity DAILY to choose love as a verb!

"Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others

than for self.  Love...puts 

up with anything, trusts God

always...keeps going to the end."

I Corinthians 13:4&7

Perspective

     He wandered around our home for over an hour, room to room . . . CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.  The sounds from the old, chipped camera filled the air as my four year-old tirelessly continued to press the shutter button.  I didn't think much of it at the time -- in fact, it wasn't till all of my children were sound asleep that I remembered the old camera was still sitting silent on the counter.

     I half-sighed as I picked up the camera, assuming I would find a plethora of blurry pictures that would need to be deleted . . . but to my surprise, as the scratched, digital screen came to life, there before my eyes began a collection of pictures that took a moment's breath away from me.  The screen filled with marvelous pictures of all different rooms and people, but at angles and heights I had never viewed.

     How could I delete these little wonders of perspective, from a view that was so distinctly different than mine?

     Then, it was as if God began to whisper, "I have a perspective totally different than yours, too, my daughter.  Rest in me to bring fullness to your pictures of life." 

     My mind went to the verse in Isaiah 55 that says God's thoughts are not our thoughts and neither are His ways our ways.  It is so true!  In fact, as many times as I've assumed I knew what God was going to do or that I thought I knew what something was going to look like in the days ahead -- in hindsight, I haven't had it figured out at all.

     Where is the lesson in all of this?  The perspective found in the hands of my four year-old that day reminded me of an age old truth . . . God is the ONLY ONE who's vantage point offers the complete picture of my life.  As His child, I need to let go of forcing my ways and let His ways reign over everything.  My eyes set on Jesus will eventually answer any questions I have along the way!

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground,

absorbed with the things right in front of you.

Look up, and be alert to what is going on around

Christ - that's where the action is.  See things from

HIS PERSPECTIVE."

Colossians 3:2

Making the Most of Summer

     Who doesn't love summer?  Warm breezes, cool water, sweet berries, long days and laughing children.

     Unfortunately there are also laundry piles, dirty floors, grumpy kids, doctor's appointments and messy beds.

     How do we balance out happy moments of free time with our ever-present responsibilities, so that when we sit chilled by a fire in the dead of winter, our reflections of summer will warm our hearts with a thankfulness of time well spent?

     A few guidelines can send us on our way to making the most of summer . . .

• Break each day into three parts a)morning b)afternoon c) supper & evening
• Create goals or plans for each part of the day, no matter how simple they are
• Tell your children the plan so they can be prepared &/or anticipating what is coming (this will also keep you accountable)
• Intersperse jobs, appt's and errands with play, outings and fun
• Be flexible & keep it simple

     Sample Goals:  
     Day One ~ Morning - dust main floor, Afternoon - read a chapter of a book together, Evening - go for a walk as a family
     Day Two ~ Morning - meet friends at the beach, Afternoon - clean out linen closet, Evening - play a round of Uno
     Day Three ~ Morning - dr. appt, Afternoon - build with lego, Evening - play as a family in the backyard

     The ages of your children don't matter -- if they're too little to play Uno, then stack towers or read a board book. 

     If you're a parent then chances are you, too, savor the feeling of falling into bed at night knowing you have intentionally invested in your child(ren).

     A plan allows us that experience . . . it shows our children that they're precious to us and we want to be with them, while we still balance the tasks of regular life.

     The benefit of a plan this simple is that obviously there are many more hours in the day that we can CHOOSE how to fill, but this gives us a starting point.  If you are anything like me, you may find once this is in place, many more positive choices follow theses simple ones. 

     The key is we all have to start somewhere -- if what you do is far more complex and works for you already, then congrats, keep going; but if you don't have anything in place then I challenge you to give this a try for one week.  Ask the Lord to guide your mind to creative ideas and be sure to keep it realistic (& flexible when weather changes).  Time goes faster than any of us would like . . . let's make the most of it!

"There's an opportune time

to do things, a right time

for everything on the earth."

Ecclesiastes 3:1



A Water-cup Conversation

     "Mommy!  Mommy!"

     I trudged wearily up the stairs to answer the call of my youngest.  "What is it?" I asked, poking my head inside his door.

     "I'm thirsty," came the sweet response, "can you get me some water?"

     This was not my first trip of the evening, but back downstairs I went to fill a cup and then back up to the bedroom.  My efforts, though, were soon rewarded with a precious question . . .

     "Mommy, are you like a servant?  'Cause you do things for me everyday like a servant does."

     I found my heart torn between gladness that my efforts were noticed, and sadness that, yes, I did feel that way often.  But then I reminded myself that that is what God has called me to be -- a servant.  We know that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve, and we are to follow His example.

     Sometimes servants get tired.  Sometimes servants wish they had another job.  Sometimes servants wonder if they are making a difference.  Being a mother is so much more than being a servant, but ultimately is it not the heart that we should have as we minister to our family?

     I left my son's bedroom that night, touched by the "water-cup conversation" we'd had together.  I am glad that he sees me serving him, but I don't want it to stop there.  My hope for each of our children is that we'll be able to foster in their hearts a desire and ability to imitate and learn to serve others also.

     As we model servanthood to our children, we need to also be encouraging them towards serving those around them, because the danger remains that they could be accustomed to only be served.  It's a fine line to walk, but with God's help, I trust that as opportunities are created for them to serve, they too will discover the joy and richness found in serving.

"Don't just do what you have 

to do to get by, but work heartily,

as Christ's SERVANTS doing

what God wants you to do."

Ephesians 6:6

   

Heroes in Waiting

     My son loves to have someone mount him on their shoulders and help him "fly" to the rescue of a distressed, imaginary victim.  My daughter loves to know she is desperately needed in an anxious moment.  I love to feel the satisfaction of a difficult task completed.

     Have you noticed we all share similar deep desires?  Have you ever noticed how every boy dreams of being a super hero?  And every girl longs to accomplish great feats? 

     Is it possible that God has placed something deep inside of our fragile beings that longs to be brave, heroic and invincible?

     The Bible tells us that every gift God gives is good, but the enemy always tries to destroy those very things with his twisted replica.

     Super hero longings are no different!  God calls us to be bold and to stand for Him, while the enemy tempts us to bring glory to ourselves.

     How can we walk out day-to-day life as heroes in waiting . . . ready to be used by God but not desiring to steal His glory?

     I am reminded of David in the Bible, who according to the prophet Samuel was not much to look at, but God knew David's heart.  Psalm 89 tells us what God thought of David when it says, "I've crowned a HERO, I chose the best I could find; I found David my servant."

     God knew what was in David's future -- giant slaying, battle victories and kingship.

     And God knows what is in our future too!

     I love what the evangelist, A.B. Simpson once said, "God is preparing His heroes.  And when the opportunity comes, He can fit their into their places in a moment.  And the world will wonder where they came from."

     We don't need to worry IF God can use us -- as we humble ourselves before Him and seek Him only, He will raise us up for great tasks when the time comes. 

     In fact, we may be carrying some of those tasks out right now and not even realizing it . . . it doesn't take much to have our capes flutter in the breeze for our children, does it?  So let's GO be the heroes that God has made us to be and soon we may discover what more He has in store, AS LONG AS we keep Him first in our lives.

"Don't let the HEROES brag of their

exploits...brag of this and this only:

That you understand and know me.

I am God."

Jeremiah 9:23&24 (msg)