What To Do With Anger

Anger - who likes it?  And yet it is part of life that is hard to avoid at some points; either in our day, week, month or at least year.  Every stage of life seems to bring more opportunities to practice self-control and grow in the direction of handling those incredible emotions of anger better.  Whether it is with the introduction of marriage and now having to share everything with our spouse, or the introduction of children who require even more of everything we have and then some.  These are the realities of life and the place from which we need to grow - I think dealing well with anger is like many things in life...Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back but our ability to gain better self-control does not stay still, we are either moving ahead in growth or falling back in failing.  How do we better manage those moments that life WILL, not might, bring?

I have shared about the topic of expectations (http://www.myheartathome.com/2010/03/expectations.html) before, but for me that plays a significant part in keeping anger in check - with my husband, children, parents, friends, etc...  The more I expect from those around me, the more opportunity I will have to get frustrated and potentially angry with them.  It is not that we shouldn't expect anything, but we need to keep our hopes and expectations of them reasonable so that we do not set ourselves up for disappointments, which can lead to anger. I have also found that the rut of expectations is often based on my own selfishness and not a desire for the best for others.

Also, I need to study myself well and know what areas I am weakest in in order to be prepared to mentally walk into those times in the right mindset.  It can be that certain time of the month, it can be a week of little sleep with a newborn, it can be a week that is filled to the brim with activities (something we work very hard to avoid, but we all get those times once in a while).  Whatever the areas are, it helps to take a few minutes and look ahead to what we might be facing, NOT for the sake of dreading it, but for the sake of putting perspective to it and asking God for His strength to face it.  Remember, that is not a one time prayer, but a "praying without ceasing" type of prayer - there are many times that I know the only thing that has carried me through a "certain time"well has been prayer.

There are many other thoughts I could share, but in an effort to keep it to my favourites,  I will share one more - but you may not like it -  Bite Your Tongue!  There may be issues that need to be handled and spoken to, but sometimes those conversations can and should wait till later.  David speaks to this in Psalm 4:4, where he says, "Don't sin by letting anger control you.  Think about it overnight and remain silent." (I know, someone is going to email me back and say, but Paul says not to let the sun go down on your anger - BUT I think we can use our hearts and our heads and apply wisdom.  I feel they are speaking to two different scenarios - one that you know exactly what I am talking about is that if we are quiet we will avoid alot of useless arguing, where the other may refer to those conversations that must happen even when they are hard.)  

Not only does biting our tongue work SO WELL - it is biblical too.  James 1:19&20 lays out the basics of everything we have spoken of here, "You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." It is when we are self-focused that we are best preparing ourselves for anger - "I am offended"..."YOU made me mad"..."I am....", you get the idea.  Throw those feelings and offenses up to God and ask for His help, don't throw them at the other person - remember it is those we love the most we can hurt the hardest.  May our lives be ones of love!