Old-Fashioned Communication

     I was sixteen.

     I knew it was wrong.

     But I did it anyway…I bought Cole’s Notes for a Shakespearean play I was supposed to read.

     I learned an important lesson that semester in English 101 – you miss the depth and richness that’s available to enjoy when you buy the “short version”. There was a lot I could have learned from ol’ William had I read the original text, but I cheated myself. I missed the author’s best and compromised with second-rate.

     We live in a Cole’s Notes world.

     Everything is the short version… the fast version… the instant version – we are missing the depths of real life!

     Surrounded by social networking, texting, email, voice messages and more; everything gets to us abbreviated. Sometimes my precious friendships even feel robbed of their potential when I only make time for a one-line update. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled with how many people I can stay connected with, but I don’t want it to be at the expense of those with whom I MUST stay connected.

     Short and sweet on a typed line with a friend, is an easy substitute for a real life discussion with my husband that is so needed.

     A quick text as a reminder may be more convenient, but it causes me to miss the sweet inflection of a voice I love to hear.

     A voice message is helpful in saving time, but I may never know that person needed prayer for something else today.

     How can we get off of Facebook and into a real book? How can we hear people’s stories in their entirety and not just the short versions? What do we need to do TODAY to be fully present where we are and embrace those we love?

     We live in a world of “get more done” and the communication conveniences we’re surrounded by are not about to disappear, but we can monitor them. We can choose to reach out for human contact even when there is an automated replacement available. And even more importantly, we can be sure to keep a magnifying glass focused in on the pulse of our most prized relationships.

“In your relationships with one another,

have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 2:5



Making the Most of the Little Moments

I have heard it said before that, "Quality times happens amidst quantity time," and I have come to believe that is true.  It may be easy to say that we will carve out an hour a day, per child, but it is not easy to do.  In fact, the more children we have, the more work there is to do, which makes it harder to carve out the hours to be one on one with those we love most.  So, here is what I propose...

While we are all making the most of the quantity of time we have with our children - which to my liking is rarely enough (unless it is a really bad toddler day :-) - create special mini-events to make the most of those little moments.  How does this look?  I have found it looks like: readjusting my expectations to be happy to share one book with a child, even if I can't read all afternoon.  Being happy to scratch my daughter's back for five minutes at bedtime and chat, even if I can't snuggle her for the evening.  Enjoying a time of "Rescue Hero" pretend play for 10 minutes on the rug between rounds of laundry, even though I would rather play all day.  Is that painting a picture?

I have come to see that the moments my children seem to enjoy and recollect the most are not the ones I put the greatest efforts into.  By that, I mean the large scale events - it still takes effort and discipline on my part to sit down and read a book when my tasks are staring me in the face - but not nearly the effort that a whole day at a zoo or a park would take.  Both types of events are important, precious and memorable; but I have found when one of my daughter tells me what means the most to her, it is in the time I took to listen to her tell me something important while I scratched her back.  Or when one of my sons expresses what he loved about his day, it will be something seemingly little (but not really little at all, in his mind); like a tickle fight on the floor.

Don't look down on the small stuff, and don't stop putting out effort because there isn't time to do the big events all the time.  That is real life - we know there will ALWAYS be so much to do!  BUT we only have these moments to savour for a while.  For as long as my kids want to sit on the couch and read, I want to be sure I have read at least something with them.  For as long as they have thoughts to share, I want to be sure I have listened for at least a little while.  I don't think anyone is helped when we neglect all duties to "play" all day, but everyone is helped when we make the most of little moments.  They will never forget it and neither will we!

Zechariah 4:10 "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."

Balancing Technology

There is no doubt that we are living in an unprecedented era of technology.  And as a mom, I find it increasingly challenging to know what "balanced living" looks like, with all that is available at our fingertips.  The good news is that there are no pat answers - each of us is different in how much technology we can balance while still truly balancing our families well.  But the bad news is the same - there are no pat answers - each of us must truly guard ourselves against being swept away in the flow of all that is available to us at this point in history.

As I reflect on the past 13 years of my mothering, one thought stands out strongly - I feel old!  I do not believe I am old, age wise, but my experience tells me that things have changed drastically since my first child was born.  As I have listened to the stories from new moms in the past year or so, I have been greatly surprised by how much technology is changing the world of all moms, but especially those of young children.  When I speak with moms who have recently had babies, they tell me of "skyping family with their 2 hour old baby" or "handling emails while in the hospital rooms" or "getting cell phone calls while trying to get the hang of nursing".  All these instances, and so many more, speak something so deep to my heart that I am not sure how to express it into words.

As I ponder what is in my heart, I see the temptation of maintaining the technology being given preference over enjoying the glow of those first hours with your new baby.  I see the challenge of having the ability to share your baby so easily via the internet that you could forget to stop and enjoy what it is you are trying to share.  Does this make sense?  And, I don't think it automatically gets easier to balance as our kids get older, but I do see how fast those early days fly by and how few hours you have to carve out for yourself.  When I reflect back, I am so thankful that my first few days with a new baby required only choosing to leave the TV off, which wasn't hard, and greet the odd nurse or guest that may choose to appear.  The bonding and creating of memories that I experienced will last a lifetime.  But what about once you are home?

As babies grow, there are increasingly larger amounts of time available to us, but how are we choosing to spend them?  Do we really see how much time these social networks can rob us of, as moms?  Do we think through how long it takes to send out ten emails?  Do we ponder what we could be doing with our family, while we choose to read what may be very valuable information on the internet?  Even if we choose to do all these things once our children are in bed, we can be robbing our spouse of quality time with them or our children of a well-rested, cheerful mom the next day.  When I stop and think about it, my friend in "Timbuktu" is NEVER going to remember a post I sent her 20 years from now, but my four year old will remember for a lifetime that we read Ferdinand, the Bull over and over.  Do you see where I am going with this?

It is not a question of right or wrong - it is a question of better and best!  

Even if we assume, that every post we write is valuable, every email is important (at the time) and every website we visit is clean and informative - still, even after all that, is it the best use of our time?  My intent is not to cause guilt or make you feel like a bad mom - that happens enough for me without anyone saying a thing, so I don't want to do that to anyone!  My desire is to cause each of us, myself very much included, to think seriously about what we are doing with each minute of our time.  If time is money, as the old adage puts it - and I happen to believe it is of much greater value - than how are we spending it?  Do you realize that TIME is one of the only resources we can never get back?  Once it is gone, it is gone!  FOR GOOD!

Yes, days with babies and toddlers can seem so long.  And, yes, there is a need to connect and reach out to friends, but please, for the eternal sake of your children, don't let technology go out of balance.  It is a resource to be used, because in many ways it saves us hours of time.  It can also encourage us and instruct us how to do, what we do, better.  But it is not something I want to look back on when my house is quiet and my kids are gone, and wonder why I wasted all those hours that I will never have back again!

            II Thessalonians 3:13  "As for you, my (sisters), never tire of doing what is right."