Expectations

Expectations - what a word! According to the Encarta Dictionary, it can mean, "A mental image of something expected, often compared to its reality". I love that! Do you realize the ramifications that this definition could have on our parenting if we really apply it to our homes?

I think of my daughter at her last birthday and her "expectations" ...she expected to have a present or two to open and was very pleased when that expectation was met and even exceeded. When she unwrapped a gift and found a new pink suitcase she was excited, but then when she opened the suitcase and found a Webkinz toy, she was elated - her expectations had been far more than just met.

Now apply that to parenting - every once in a while we see our expectations not only met with our children but they go above and beyond what we would hope or expect them to do and we are elated! BUT the problem I find for myself, and I am guessing you may be able to relate, is that so often I have set my expectations so high that they can barely meet them let alone have any hopes of exceeding them! That isn't fair to them or myself because even if I try to hide my frustration or disappointment, they will pick up on it.

How about a new mindset - We set our expectations for our kids lower but keep our standards high! What happens? Even the smallest successes can be praised and we are not finding ourselves so often disappointed or discouraged in this very important job of parenting.

Let me illustrate from a recent event in our home: Our son had been upsetting one of his sisters and our standard (kept high) dictates that this is not acceptable behaviour. We sat down and reviewed the problem and said that change was needing to take place, he agreed and went out to play. As I watched them interact I mentally recognized that this will not be easy for him to change, therefore setting my expectations fairly reasonably (kept lower). Ten minutes later when I looked out and saw him take time to help her on a game they were playing, I was elated! I took time to encourage him and appreciate his efforts to be kind to his sister. It was only because my expectations were kept lower without changing the standard that I was truly able to celebrate a "smaller" success.

Our kids need us to be their "Encouragers". Other than a few special people that they might have in their lives, no one else is going to get excited about those moments. We have to watch for them and celebrate them - and keep our expectations fair.

I John 4:7 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."