Choosing Influencers for Our Kids

We live in a world where it can be very hard to discern who the right influencers are for our children.  We also live in a world that will tell us that our kids just have to go out and get used to what culture is like.  I want to share something that I feel is very important that relates directly to that and I will tell you why.  When God gave our children to us, He also gave clear mandates in the Bible of what He expects from us, as parents.  Those mandates were not directed to the teachers or to the aunts and uncles or to the friends; it was to us as parents.  That is because we are expected to be training up our chidlren in the way they should go, not someone else.  Yes, there will be many people who will contribute to our children's upbringing, but I believe that we are the ones who were given the task of shaping their hearts.

I want to encourage you with two things -

Number One:  Take the role of knowing who is influencing your children very seriously because no one else is going to

Number Two:  Don't be afraid of making the right decisions, even if it doesn't make you popular with your kids, your family members or your friends

First of all, why do we need to be so serious about influence?  Because we are molding the eternal souls of the most precious people in the world to us.  When God gave the commands to Israel in Deuteronomy 6, He said that they were to be on our hearts, as parents, FIRST and then He said to, "Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." That is a lot of instructing, but clearly it is to be our job.  In the course of the day our children will come into contact with some, or even many other people, and my question is this - Will the values of those people line up with what you are working hard to teach them?  Depending on the stages of our children, we have much more influence in the early years than later on, but each stage is important.  If we know they are going into challenging situations, we need to talk about it ahead of time and help them think through the "what ifs".  And when they come home from those situations, we need to be available to process how things went and be their accountability. 

Needing accountability is not something that I believe goes away because our children turn "X" years old...King David messed up with another man's wife when he was a grown man, (Bathsheba - II Samuel 11) and didn't even recognize it for what it was until God sent him Nathan, his accountability, and David was known as a man after God's own heart.  It doesn't matter what stage of life our children or ourselves are in, we need accountability - I need it now, you need it now, we all need it.  Until our children are given into marriage with their spouse, unless they choose to set up another system - we are their accountability. 

God gives great wisdom through the Word, over and over, about the importance of choosing good friends.  Share these verses with your children and help them see how WHO they spend time with affects them for the good and the bad.  We have had the privilege of some wonderful people in our children's lives and I watch our children reach and stretch for higher heights because of their influences.  But we have also had to work through people in our children's lives that will pull them down quickly.  Our children have to see that, just as it says in Psalm 1, there is joy for, "Those who don't follow the advice of the wicked or stand around with sinners".

Secondly, why do we have to make hard decisions that don't make us popular?  Because that is our job!  I often don't enjoy directing my kids, as it says in Proverbs, "In the way that they should go," but someone has to.  I don't enjoy being the one to point out negative behaviour after they have spent time with a poor influence, but I need to.  I don't want to have to tell them that they can't go to something they really want to go to, but I will if I think it means protecting their hearts.  I want to clarify that I am not talking about isolating here - I am talking about insulating - there is a big difference.  One response would say, "No," to everything, because that is just what feels safest.  But the other response would say, "Let's talk about that and see what kind of influence it will have on you."  And then be willing to make the right decision regardless of the fallout.

One of the greatest challenges in raising our children, is finding the balance.  It may be different for each child, but I can't think of anything that would be more important to pour my energy into doing.  Don't forget, God knows our children individually and He is ready to give the wisdom we need, when we ask.