Wherever You Are...

     The pink Blackberry rang with its shrill sound and the manicured finger tapped the talk button then pressed the phone to her diamond studded ear.  This had to be the fifth phone call in the last half hour at the poolside.  Her children's wet faces scrunched slightly and disappointment seemed to spread over the sunshine on their faces.  Did this mother not see what she was missing?

     The laptop was open at the picnic table and the man typed furiously over the keys, while his wife and children played in the nearby grass with a checkered soccer ball.  "Watch this, Dad!"  And the younger boy, tousled brown hair half covering his eyes, kicked the ball as hard as he could.  "Good, son," was all that the dad offered, but because he failed to glance up, it stole the moment of joy from his sweet son.

     Jim Eliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there..."  And while that is valuable advice to live by, what if our wherever is not the place that we should really be?

     I recently saw a flashy advertisement pop up on my computer screen that said this -- Buy ______ (this phone) and you can be all there in more than one place!  We all know that isn't possible, but we are part of a generation that is trying to live that way. 

     How do we pull away and KNOW where we are really supposed to be? 

     How do we discover what it is to disconnect from the urgent and connect with the important?

     How do recognize the immeasurable value that surrounds us and let go of the erroneous value that beckons us from beyond?

     Jesus walked on this earth two-thousand years ago and although He didn't have telephones, websites and Facebook, He did have people begging for His every moment.  Sick men, blind men and crippled men called for Him to come to them.  Bleeding women, sinful women and lonely women desperately searched after Him. 

     Jesus knew what it was to be pulled in many directions.

     When we read in the Bible about Jesus giving sight to the blind, healing the sick and forgiving the sinners -- it seems He was very present in the moment.  Wherever Jesus found Himself, He focused on that moment.  On those that were around Him.

     Is that the secret? 

     If we find ourselves home with our four year old, can we be present with them?  Yes, there is laundry to do, but they could sort whites and darks with us while we listen to the most recent knock-knock joke.

     If we are home with our eight year old, can we connect there too?  Yes, there may be supper to make, but they could peel the carrots and share in the happy chatter of the day. 

     And our teenager, even them?  Absolutely, but we may need to pause from what we "need" to do in order to enter their world.  There are moments to share and conversations to savour if we do.

     I have good news . . . there is a second half of Jim Eliot's quote that will help us finish the puzzle . . . when he said, "Wherever you are, be all there," he finished it by saying, "Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

     If we have been given the gift of parenting, then we too MUST find the way to LIVE TO THE HILT and be ALL THERE! 

     Not that we can't take moments for ourselves -- we need that too, but in our heart of hearts we know the difference.  We can take or make the phone calls that need to be done, but we don't stay on the phone all day.  We can enjoy the new email from a friend but keep the response short.  We can plan time to peruse what is important to us on the internet but we don't stay on past what we planned.  All these, and so many more, are just responsible ways of bringing balance to our lives, in order that we can be ALL THERE in the places where God has placed us!

"Show me your ways, O Lord,

teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and 

teach me, for you are my God

my Saviour, and my hope is in you."

Psalm 25:4 & 5 

Entertain ME

     Have you heard the alarming news?  An epidemic of monstrous proportions is sweeping across the country, even as your eyes scan over the bold type of this page, it is increasing in severity.  It is the disease of "entertainment" and many children are experiencing severe symptoms accompanied by concerning side effects.  Worse yet, although it was once thought to be a childhood illness, it has been found to travel to adults as well.

     Do you know of what I am speaking?  Have you seen some of the symptoms in your home? 

     The early warning signs are exhibited through whining and complaining with sporadic use of the "B" word (bored).  But as the condition goes untreated its effects become more severe: refusal to help around the house, addiction to electronic games and toys, extended time watching television, inability to venture outside four walls, complete loss of interest in the Bible and church . . . on and on the list goes.

     You may think I'm simply attempting humour but I'm not.  This is an attempt to draw your attention to something I feel is of prodigious proportions . . . our children are being pulled towards an intense vaccuum labelled "ENTERTAIN ME" and beyond that suction entry point is a deep dark hole from which it is very hard to return.

     Never before have our children been less "needed" when it comes to responsibilties in real life.

     Never before have there been so many ways to relax, play and consume.

     Never before have we, as parents, felt at such a loss for the right way to go.

     How the Disease Grows:

1. Children are not required to help around the house or contribute to those around them
2. Children are not monitored for reasonable amounts of electronic games, movies & TV
3. Children are left to their own schedules, not incorporated into family life
4. Children are allowed to muddle at a lower standard and are not called to God's standard
5. Children are permitted to believe they are THE WORLD instead of only a part of the world

    
     Part of the Cure:

1. Find ways for each child to know they are a necessary part of the home and community you live in -- responsibilities with meals, clean up, yard work, visiting shut-ins, making cookies for a neighbour, helping a sibling, etc...
2. Don't be soft on media-- if you have game systems and televsions then be SURE you know what they are playing and watching, and set allotted times and STICK TO IT -- lack of consistency often lies more in the parent than the child
3. Prayfully look at your days and weeks, then set a rhythm and routine that incorporates the BIG ROCKS first (read more here from a previous post -- Begin with the End)
4. Stay firm on the standards that God has placed in His Word and expect each child to do the same -- it is too easy to look at the "Joneses" and assume our kids are fine with medicore
5. Gently show each child that they are precious but God has placed many other people around them that they can love and serve, and be sure as the parent that you place your relationship with God and your spouse as high priority

      This isn't meant to be a list of rules -- can do's and can't do's -- that's not how God works! 

     But as parents, we need to be very aware and vigilant of how serious this problem is . . . many frustrated organizations report young adults can't hold down jobs because they are up half the night playing video games, mothers soberly whisper of daughters who act as if no one else in this world matters but them, and fathers break down in tears because they have lost the opportunity to mold their sons.

     We need to realize that the small things we do now with our children will enable them to do big things later when they are adults.  Most importantly, we must see that God has called us to train up our children in the way they should go and that begins NOW, not next week.

"I raised you up for this very

purpose, that I might display

My power in you and that

My name might be proclaimed

in all the earth."

Romans 9:17



     

Why, Mom, Why?

     The question has probably been asked in every language, around the world -- Why did Jesus die?  Today, as we reflect on Good Friday, watch for opportunities to answer this age old question for our children.  If you have the privilege of a little one coming to you with their bright eyes upturned and their head tilted to one side in curiosity, asking you, "Why, Mom, why?" . . . don't be shy!

     I've heard parents say they feel nervous or won't tell their children about Jesus' death because it is too sad or too frightening, but they shouldn't feel that way.   Any child, at any age, can handle at least a piece of the story.  It is truth -- without our children comprehending Jesus' death, there can be no celebration in His life. 

     Jesus' death and resurrection aren't a small piece of the story -- they ARE the story!  Jesus came to earth as a baby, lived out every temptation our children will face (and that we could face) -- WITHOUT sin -- He died on the cross and rose on the third day!  That is THE story!

     From the time our children could sit up in our laps (about 6 months old) we had a Bible storybook open daily exploring the pictures and words that told us the story of Creation, the heroes who have gone before, the birth of Jesus, the miracles He did, His death on the cross and being raised again.  DON'T SKIP the cross -- if we glaze over that for fear of them not being ready, we miss the greatest foundation of the truth.

     Jesus did come . . . He did die . . . and He did rise again.

     Any child can comprehend the basics, then each year we can build on that foundation and share a little more detail as we sense they're ready to understand.

     Embrace the sadness of Good Friday in your heart and share it with your little ones . . . the celebration will be greater when we reach Resurrection Sunday!

"Since the children have flesh and blood,

He too shared in their humanity so that by His

death He might destroy him who holds the

power of death."

Hebrews 2:14

    

TOO BUSY?

     My eyes fell upon this incredible sentence . . . "The person who says they are too busy to pray has somehow misunderstood WHO it is they have access to!"

     Strength and deep calling exude from that one simple line!  WHY? -- because it has taken a long time for the realization of what the privilege of prayer REALLY is, to move from my head to my heart . . . and I still have a long way to go.

     Most of us would say that prayer is important and even give credit to the truth found in the title of Bill Hybels classic book, Too Busy Not To Pray.  We know we "should be" praying -- but is that really what it boils down to?  We "should be"?

     Don't you think that God . . . the same One who fashioned the stars and breathed life into you and me . . . desires more that just an obligatory daily discipline from us?

     How would you feel if your child dragged their body into the living room every few days, sighed loudly and said, "I guess I should really talk for a minute since I didn't yesterday or the day before"?  I know how I would feel -- my heart would be broken! 

     I love my children and I find great joy in our conversations -- the sharing of joyful events, of accomplishments, of sad moments, of concerns -- all those things make up the relationships I share with each of one of them. 

     So how much more does our perfect God want to be involved in each of those areas of our lives?  Do we have joyful events?  Accomplishments?  Sad moments?  Concerns?  God wants to be involved in those areas and prayer allows Him to be welcomed into those places.

     Even more so, as we grow in His Word and His truths, we come to realize that He has given us ALL that we need for life and godliness THROUGH our knowledge of Him (II Peter 1:3). 

     As we come to understand more deeply WHO He is and are able to apply in prayer what He has made available to us, we will encounter a whole new reason to "find time" to pray.

     We all know that every single person on this planet has the same number of hours in a day -- 24 including sleep, to be exact.  Effective prayer is not about needing more time; it is about needing increased value as to how much we need God through the communication tool of prayer that He has made available to us.

     Press in, talk to God, listen to God and don't give up!  He is waiting on you and He wants to be with you  -- not just in the morning, but all day long.  Don't make God your last resort when your efforts have failed you; make Him the first place you go!

"Be joyful always;

PRAY continually;

give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you."

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Lessons from a Piano

     Our children have an incredible piano teacher who wisely (in my opinion) doesn't requires long obdurate practices that would be tempting to skip on once in a while, but instead adamantly calls her students to consistent, smaller practice times.  Interestingly, when daily practice is mandatory only in small amounts, our children go back to the piano at various points in the day and pursue it for their own enjoyment.

     Daily times in smaller amounts are far more effective than sporadic lengthy ones, is the theory.

     We've seen the fruit with our children's piano skills and I believe this theory can be applied further than piano.  I see it in my own life with time in God's Word.  When I used to place an expectation on myself (please note I placed the expectation, not God) of lengthy times in the Bible because I felt I had to do it, I was sporadic too. 

     Then a day came, years ago, when I felt like God urged me to let go of the "have to" and embrace the "want to".  It meant I let go of the rules I'd placed around my personal devotional time and just embraced rediscovering God in His Word -- small amounts every day.

     What does this look like years later?  I LOVE being in the Word! 

     My appetite for God's Word had to grow through practice times just like my children and their piano -- small and consistent led me to long for more and more of the Word.  Far more enjoyable than the demand of feeling it had to be done, trying to make it lengthy and then having it turn out sporadic.

     I KNOW I NEED to be in God's Word and presence daily because He loves me and has important truths that I NEED;  BUT I also know that HE KNOWS it is hard to make that happen some days. 

     For me the call to small amounts consistently, has led to much longer times, but small and steady was what I needed to get started on this race!

     Let's not make God's Word part of our daily "to-do list" . . . let's make it part of our daily "want-to-do list"!  God has treasures He wants to share, but we have to take time to be present in order to receive them.   Commit to small and steady and let Him increase the desire for more!

"As for God, His way is perfect;

the WORD of the Lord is flawless."

II Samuel 22:31



When Daddy's Late

     Ask ANY mother what the hardest hour of the day is, and my guess is that 9 times out of 10 you will hear a groan escape her lips, just prior to the words, "The supper hour, of course." 

     If you have children that can move around on the their own two knees or feet, you know what I am referring to here.  And if you are the one attempting to put a healthy supper on the table before daddy gets home -- you have already discovered that life at the supper hour is not predictable.

     "Mommy, the dog's chewing my stuffie!"

     "Mommmm, the toilet is overflowing again!"

     "Mom, I fell and my lip is bleeding!"

     After all, we ARE moms -- we rush to the aid of others all day long! 

     We rescue perishing toys, we play the role of plumber, we attempt being a doctor of small injuries . . . and that is only in between the roles we play of teacher, judge and housekeeper!  Are you feeling tired yet?

     This short list - which barely scratches the surface of an average day - certainly gives credit to why our patience can wear thin near the supper hour.  And all the while we are desperately casting glances over our shoulder hoping to catch a glimpse of "daddy" stepping confidently over the threshold of the doorway to our rescue, with his super hero cape fluttering in the breeze. 

     The truth is, the closer we get to the supper hour, the more we feel it's time for the reserves to march in with fresh strength for the battle. 

     In fact, if we are honest, we can be tempted to set our expectations higher and higher, the longer we wait, so that by the time the lucky man walks through the door -- Superman would find it hard to match what we expect.

     But what do we do when Daddy's late? (or worse; Daddy's away?)  (or hardest ever; there is no Daddy at all?)

     1) We keep smiling
     Unless someone needs to be rushed to the emergency, we will survive the next hour, so we may as well do it with a smile on our faces . . . our kids will notice the difference.

     2) We speak positive words only
     One of the enemy's greatest temptations during "solo supper hours" is for us to put down or criticize the man we wish was there to help us, but the reality is - if he's not there, he's not there!  Why damage our kids and families just because we are tired?

     3) We watch for ways to ease the chaos
     When we plan ahead there are many ways to curb the pending disasters; whether it be a healthy snack (our kids have always loved sampling frozen veggies before they are put in the water / carrot sticks / lettuce leaves - if it's veggies, it can't hurt that much) or a surprise coloring page or even a batch of play dough reserved for these moments only.

     4) We ask God to give us His strength
     If there was ever a time to apply the verse, "When I am weak, He is strong" it has to be at the supper hours at which we are flying solo -- God is there, ready and able to step in when we ask.

     Supper hours, although they can feel more like zoos than  restaurants, don't have to be miserable.  Our attitude as moms probably determines 90% of the experience in the home. 

     So mom -- happy or not -- ask God to give you the heart to serve your family just one more hour with a smile on your face!  And if that man comes home late, warm up his plate and welcome him home.  Chances are he's had a hard day too!

"If any (mom) serves,

(she) should do it with

the strength God provides,

so that in ALL things

God may be praised."

I Peter 4:11



Get UN-Comfortable

     Picture, if you would, a large, overstuffed chair nestled in a quiet corner of peacefulness -- now imagine settling yourself into its encompassing down-filled pillows.  Let your head lean back, feel your eyes close but before you fall asleep . . . STOP.

     Stand up and ask just one question, "God, do I need to rest in this moment or do I need to become UN-comfortable?"

     The old saying -- Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable -- has its value and place when it comes to creating healthy balance in our lives and taking care of ourselves.  BUT if I am honest with myself I would choose that puffy, comfy chair EVERY time. 

     I need to pull back and restore, just like the next person BUT I can't stay in that place.

     God has much more for you and me to do than to rest in fluffy chairs, but somehow the world may have us mildly convinced that this is what we were created for.  I challenge us to shake off that urge to stay in these commodious places and look around -- what is God doing in our world, right where we are?

     Something that would stretch us out of our comfy spot?  It might be . . .

•      Taking a meal to someone who is sick, even though our life may feel busy right now?
•      Telling someone about God's love for them, even if it puts us out of our comfort zone?
•      Giving our husband a back rub, even though we are exhausted?
•      Volunteering to teach Sunday School, even though we would rather sit in the service?
•      Showing love to one of our chidlren, even though they are undeserving today?

     I don't know what UN-comfortable looks like for you, but I know what it looks like for me.  That's because God has unique opportunities for each of us that can't be duplicated by another -- and that's why it's so vital that each of us hear directly from God, what He has for us to do. 

     But sometimes we can't hear the assignments, because of how strong our affection is for the comfy spot.

     So if you are up for the challenge . . . catch the rest you need, then shake off the urge for "permanent comfy" and tell God that you are available.  Just wait and see what He does.  Maybe a good place to start is that great prayer of Jabez.  Just cry out to God . . .

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed,

and enlarge my territory,

that Your hand would be with me,

and that You would keep me from evil."

(I Chronicles 4:10)

So Close & Personal

     I sensed that someone had entered the still-darkened bedroom but my eyelids were too heavy to force open.  I felt breath, small and warm, on my face and I surmised it was my youngest child.  Then the covers pulled back and little feet slid in next to mine.  I continued to doze, only half aware of their presence in the bed, until I perceived a change in their location.  Now I guessed my little friend had propped himself up on an elbow.  I cracked open one eye and grinned at what I saw . . . a miniature face with eyes that bore into mine.  Only inches away . . .  patiently waiting to talk.

     Personal space -- what's that?  A professional distance -- haven't had that in years!  And to be totally honest, I don't mind one bit . . . I love these sweet little people that float in and out of the moments of my day with their faces squished against mine.  I am thrilled they like to be close.

     I am also glad that God likes to be that close.

     WHAT?!  Did that sound odd?  It shouldn't -- He really is that close and that involved.

     Listen to what the giant slayer, David, knew about God . . .

     "The Lord is MY rock, MY fortress, and MY deliverer; MY God is MY rock, in whom I take refuge, MY shield and the horn of MY salvation.  He is MY stronghold, MY refuge and MY Saviour."(II Samuel 22:2&3)

     No wonder that man David could kill a giant without even blinking in fear.  David KNEW God was intimately interwoven into his personal predicaments -- the real, involved thing -- so close and so personal. 

     Do we know that God can still be that close and personal?

     Do we know that He wants to be our rock / fortress / deliverer / refuge / stronghold?  That list alone is like looking up "safest place in the world" in a Thesaurus and being handed the definition.

     God IS that personal.  And He wants to be THAT involved.  BUT He never pushes . . . He waits.  Waits to be invited into our fears, into our problems, into our exhaustion -- then once we open the door?

     Look out . . . the Bible doesn't say He might save; it tells us that God is mighty to save!

     The God that was close and personal for David in the Bible is the very same God that is available to be close and personal to you and me . . . the Bible tells us that He never changes and He always stays the same.  So stop questioning and wondering whether God cares, and start pressing in and telling Him what you need.  He cares THAT much!

"If God is for us,

who can be against us?"

Romans 8:31

What is Healthy Tension?

  

     It's great to say we have permission to experience varying degrees of tension in our homes -- but what does healthy tension look like?  How do we open the big black door marked TENSION and still sustain the balance that honours God in all we say and do?

     If you are like me, you might wish for a list of neatly typed rules -- what you "can" and "can't" do -- laid out in black and white.  But instead when we search out the Scriptures we find that God gives us guidelines . . . always God goes back to the heart.

     One of the best ways to discern God's intent for our responses to tension is look at His character and learn to imitate Him. 

     In Exodus 34:6 we glimpse a few of God's attributes that can apply to how we deal with tension in a healthy way -- "The compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."

     Filled with compassion and graciousness makes it easier to respond in the way God would want. 

     Slow to anger allows ourselves time to ponder what the real issues could be. 

     Abounding in love and faithfulness makes us a SAFE person to be with, even when there is tension.

     I encourage you to replace the goal of NO tension in your home (which can also be called conflict avoidance) with the goal of HEALTHY tension in your home.  With God's help, may each of our families learn salubrious methods of working tension out to completion so that our relationships are deeper, richer and stronger in the end.

"Be quick to listen,

slow to speak and

slow to become angry."

James 1:19

Permission for Tension

     "YOU'RE allowed to be frustrated today!" 

     I know... you probably didn't need permission to be frustrated, but isn't it good to know it's okay?  I've given much consideration to the challenges that we face in our homes each day and I believe that many of the frustrations we experience are unavoidable -- they just have to happen!  The good news is that our reactions are avoidable -- we have a choice as to how we react to the tensions we face.

     Tension sometimes sneaks into our homes like a quiet mouse and we can be surprised by the discovery it's there, but it can also blow in like a hurricane and we can be very aware of its presence. 

         Either way, when we recognize that some degree of tension is a normal part of a healthy home, it seems easier to handle.  Then we can . . .  

     Let go of idealism that accompanies the hope that we can magically bring our homes to a place of UTOPIA.  Nope, not on this earth!

     You can release that hope on the string of a bright yellow balloon marked "Perfectly Happy Home" and watch it sail up into the sky . . .  because as much as we want that perfect experience, and even hope for it and crave it -- it is not going to happen in the here and now.  Just chalk it up to another reason to look forward to all that heaven will hold for us, if we have placed our trust in Jesus Christ.

     Once we've relegated ourselves to permitting some degree of tension to occur in our home, we can more clearly look at what to do with the emotions that accompany tension.  One of the keys I've discovered is being sure I grasp the part I should play as the parent.

     Our role is to GUIDE our children through the tensions they experience in day-to-day life, not create more that have to be maneuvered. 

     In order for that to happen, we need to spend time in the Word and in prayer, and be asking the Holy Spirit to fill us so we can walk out these challenging moments in a God-honouring way. 

     Look at the deep truth of Romans 2:4 -- we are told that it's God's KINDNESS that leads us to repentance.  Do we realize how that applies to our relationship with our children?

     If it is God's kindness that leads us to repent, will it not be OUR KINDNESS that will lead our children to repent from their wrong attitudes during times of tension? 

      So what do we do?

     Replace anger with kindness and tenderness.

     Seek the Lord for His wisdom and His ways.


     Ask the Holy Spirit to increase His fruit in our lives.

     Pursue forgiveness from our children when we wrong them.

     Stay realistic.

     Remember that God's peace can rest over our homes while His grace can allow healthy tension to be worked through in loving ways.  Tensions can be necessary in order for our kids to become who God has made them to be.  It can also be part of what moves us closer to all that God wants us to become as parents as well.

"As iron sharpens iron,

so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

Last Times

     Lori's chubby knees flew across the floor, as peels of laughter bubbled up from inside . . . she was such a fast baby.  Her mother watched from nearby and wished these days could last, but she knew in her heart it wasn't possible.  Her little Lori was pulling up on furniture daily and testing her little legs to see if they would carry her better than her calloused, experienced knees. 

     How could her mother know this would be the LAST time she would crawl?  If she'd known, she would have reached for the camera to capture it just one more time. 

     Tomorrow baby Lori would discover the inevitable truth -- legs are faster than knees, and this stage would be gone forever!  The LAST time.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Mike's briefcase was in hand and his coat zipped up tight . . . a late night meeting demanded he miss another night at home.  His lips brushed against his wife's forehead and he whispered his goodbyes.  His wife, Nancy, knew she would be asleep long before her husband was home  -- she responded with a brief farewell, although she still fought the frustration that simmered under the surface. 

     How could she know this would be the LAST time she would kiss her husband goodbye?  If she'd known, she would've let go of those trivial issues and fully embraced the moment.

     This night a drunk driver would take Nancy's husband from her, and he would be gone to eternity!  The LAST time.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Two examples of LASTS -- one ends in healthy development and one in tragedy, but neither was anticipated.  That is often the way it is with LASTS. 

     We spend our lifetimes waiting for FIRSTS, don't we?

• the first breath
• the first smile
• the first tooth
• the first step
• the first word
• then later... the first time behind a wheel
• the first date

     But how aware are we of LASTS?

• the last time they will crawl
• the last time they will nurse
• the last time they will fit in the sink for a bath
• the last time they will need us to tie their shoes
• then later... last time they will hold our hand
• the last time they will live under our roof

     David asked the Lord in Psalm 39:4 to, "Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." 

     David cried out for the balance that comes from knowing each day is a gift of its own.

     God doesn't purpose for any of us to live in fear that tragedy will strike, but neither does He want us to take life for granted.  The people God has strategically placed in our lives -- spouses, children, relatives, friends -- need to be treasured for each moment we are given with them. 

     Let go of the petty frustrations.

     Embrace the celebrations of the day.

     God, show us how temporary our life on earth is and how we can make the most of the minutes we have with those we love!  Bring the perspective that we must have to live each day to the fullest of what You intend for us!

"Now, Lord, what do I look for?

My hope is in You."

Psalm 39:7