Our Husbands

I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me, our children and the Lord - but he is not perfect and neither am I. I used to think that I would get to the point where marriage was smooth sailing and there was nothing more to work on or work out - but I am slowing realizing that it will not happen during our lifetime here on earth. The reason, of course, is that two imperfect people, no matter how much they love each other, will have bad days, selfish days and blah days. I am speaking more of myself than my husband, by the way.

God's Word gives us, as wives, very clear instruction on what our attitudes should be in our hearts towards our husbands and I want to look at that here. Ephesians 5:33 gives very clear instruction, it says, "The wife MUST respect her husband." This is not optional, my friends, this is a requirement. I wonder whether the first thing to come to our minds is something along the lines of, "Sure I will, as long as he...." That is the way the enemy wants us to think - which is why we are instructed to renew our minds and take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. The world will tell us, now more than ever, that we only need to treat our husbands in a way that is honouring IF they are doing _____ for us. God's tells us that we are to LOVE (Titus 2:4), SUBMIT TO (Colossians 3:18), BE SUBJECT TO (Titus 2:5), BE SUBMISSIVE TO (I Peter 3:1), FULFILL MARITAL DUTY TO(I Corinthians 7:3) and BE BOUND TO (Romans 7:2) our husbands - there are NO if's, and's or but's. That is our responsibility regardless of our husband's attitudes, actions or habits. In fact, those who are married to an unbelieving husband are even expected to carry out these actions because I Corinthians 7 tells us that it causes your children to be holy and says you do not know whether you will save your husband with your testimony.

Maybe as we reflect on these things, we are feeling that God is not being fair to place expectations on us that don't have an "excuse clause". Just as with raising our children, I don't believe God's first goal for us is happiness, I believe it is holiness. As we live out these actions in front of our husbands we will be encouraging them, supporting them and in some cases, winning their hearts to the Lord. We can't see what God will do with our faithfulness behind the closed doors of our homes, but He sure can! God has plans bigger than we can imagine for our marriages and families, but they can only come about if we will carry out life God's way.

I was sitting in a doctor's office this week and overheard (the whole room overheard) a young mom's discussion with her husband on her cell phone. I recognized her from a local church but her words did not match to what one would hope to hear from a church going wife..."Well, you better get down here. You can't leave me with two kids for this whole time. I know you work till 4 but I need you now!" And on it went. My heart sunk - we cannot be demanding help from our husbands nor should we be speaking to them in any way that puts them down or discourages them. If we need their help we need to go with a gentle heart and ask for their help - how much more it will bring them joy to serve us when we ask than when we demand - I Corinthians 13 tells us that, "Love NEVER demands its own way." Our husbands are the men that God has bound us to and the ones that WE CHOSE to spend life with for better or for worse - I happen to know it would be a lot better if we walked out treating them as God would have us to.

It is getting harder to find examples of a godly wife in our world, whether on display with the media, our friends and sometimes even in the church - but it is time for us to be one! God needs us to live our lives worthy of the calling we have received and that must include honouring and respecting our husbands - for the sake of our marriages, our children, those around us and the world. I don't claim to have come close to arriving in this, God is working hard on me, but I have my eyes set on the goals that God has laid out and I know that is where I want to be heading. It will not be easy but the reward will be so great that we will realize there is no cost that should stand in our way.

The next time you feel like snapping at your husband, demanding help or complaining that he is late for supper again - take a deep breath, ask God to help you be the wife He wants you to be and then respond in love. And remember, they are out there fighting a battle that is very challenging for them - they need to have a safe refuge and God has designed us as wives to be that place. Love never fails!

Ephesians 4:1-3 "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient; bearing with one another in love."