After "I Do"



Is there anything that can really prepare you for real life in marriage after you have said, "I do"?  When I think of that question, it makes me think that it would be like asking a mom if anything she read prior to childbirth fully prepared her for the pain of giving birth?  I would have to give a resounding NO to both those questions - Why, because it is all misery from that point on?  OF COURSE NOT, but there are extremes of highs and lows that take you beyond what you feel your limits would be, both in marriage and childbirth.

I just finished reading an amazing autobiography this month, and when asked by a friend what the best part of the book was, I had to laugh at my answer...because it was the opening dedication.  It sounds silly to read 250 pages of wonderful sharing and wisdom, and find the golden nugget in a simple dedication, but listen to what the author said..."To my husband...my best friend, and if I am honest - at times - my worst enemy."  I was so impressed that she would choose to be so honest, but I loved it.  Oh, that we would all be so wisely honest and transparent.

One of my deep desires when I share with moms, especially those younger than I am, is that I am able to find the freedom to be very honest, while still exercising wisdom in being gently cautious.  Just like it does not demonstrate wisdom to "let it all hang out" and it is not fair to our husbands; it is also not right to hold it all in and give a false picture of our lives and how "together" we have it.  It is only God's wisdom in our lives, that can show us what is wise to share and what is best to keep behind closed doors; but my hope is that by opening the door to challenges and the dark times that can come with marriage, you will not feel so alone.

Marriage is the most intimate relationship we can share with another person BUT marriage is hard work!  I came across a quote from a church workbook this month that said, "You can't have intimacy without conflict".  My first thought was of how true that was, and my second thought was - Why didn't anyone tell me that?  Isn't it interesting how we can go through the dating and engagement time period, and if you are anything like I was, read lots of books and think you are so fully prepared, but then realize you didn't really have a clue?  It goes back to the beginning of these thoughts and the irony there is in reading books about the pain of childbirth and thinking we know what we are getting into, doesn't it?

So what is my point in all of this?  Marriage is tough, so deal with it?  NOT AT ALL!  I believe because we live in a world that has fallen so far from God's original design for marriage, we have to work hard to discover all that God intends for us to enjoy within the bonds of that relationship.  I also feel that we have to be very aware of the enemy's intentions to destroy the very institution that God created to make us stronger and more complete than if we were alone.  We have to CHOOSE to never give up!  I love the picture that God gives us in Ecclesiastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  I believe that the third strand represents Christ in our marriage relationship, and when He is at the centre, we should be strong indeed.

That clears that up then, right? Life is easy now?  No, as long as we are on this green earth, life will have its hills, including spectacular mountain peaks; and its lows, including deep, dark valleys.  My longing as I share today, is not that you go away discouraged but that you realize there is hope; and with Jesus in our marriage there is always hope.  But in some strange way there is also hope in knowing that dark, hard times are as real and "normal" as the happy, good times. 

I want to challenge you with a fun assignment (I have already done it myself) ~ If you are married, take some time to think of a favourite memory of your spouse that comes from the early dating/courting days.  Focus on what you really appreciated about them, remembering when you were convinced you had met the person who would make you happy for the rest of your life (oops, notice the selfishness in that thought).  Let your mind ponder for a while, the feelings and thoughts you savoured back then and savour it once more.  Then look for a way to tell your spouse how much you love them now.  Have fun!