Once...

     My thoughts drift like a wave on the ocean, back to the days when a night of sleep was never guaranteed. I feel myself stretching to reach and remember . . . yet I know, back in those moments; I felt I'd never own my sleep again.  Now, my heart aches for the cry of a sweet-smelling little one who needs me at night.

     Now, I find myself with most nights uninterrupted. Newborns aren't whimpering with wet diapers, babies aren't piercing the air with cries of empty tummies, and toddlers aren't yelling with worries of lost stuffed animals. I realize I'm arriving in the stage of life I used to envy of other moms, back when the word TIRED spelled with bold, dark letters didn't begin to do justice to the exhaustion I felt.

     I remember it was easy to think thoughts like . . .
     - Once they stop waking at night...I won't be so tired
     - Once they stop throwing their baby food...I won't be so frustrated
     -Once they master the potty training...I won't be so annoyed

     I've learned that "once" thoughts are deadly -- if we fall into the habit of thinking that way, we may never change.

     We could find ourselves at the end of our children's teen years, with the sunset of parenting on the horizon, and have thoughts of, "Once they leave home everything will be alright."

     Is that really what God calls us to? Wishing away the present in hope of what will be easier? Ouch.

     That's the truth, though, isn't it? It is for me -- I get tired of the hard, and long for the easy. I get focused on the future, and miss what's right in front of me.

     Long ago, when my first babies had arrived, a wise mom shared a profound reality with me, "Kristen," she said, "when your children are young it takes all the physical energy you have, but be prepared that as they get older, it'll take all the mental energy you have."

     You see -- it doesn't get easy later. Although further down the road there's still a physical aspect to what's required as mom, it does drastically lessen.  But, just as I was warned, the mental aspect increases -- in fact, complex is the word that jumps to my mind. And I find myself all over again, guarding my heart from saying, "Once..."

     God allows our lives to be filled with hills AND valleys, highs AND lows, smiles AND tears. He doesn't want us to despise the present or dread the future . . . He wants us to look at each new challenge and know that even though we don't feel capable alone, He is there to help us. May each age, stage and trial be savoured for the gifts that can be found there.

"I have learned the secret

of being content in ANY

and EVERY situation."

Philippians 4:12