What is Your Child's Love Language?

When I look at the six most important people in my life that God has given me to love unconditionally, I am amazed that each of them needs to be "told" they are loved in different ways. What I do for one of my children can send them sky high "feeling" loved for days, whereas if I do the exact same thing for another one of them it does not even scratch the surface of them realizing I was trying to communicate anything. The topic of "Love Languages" is broad and extensive and I have no intention of trying to share everything I have learned, but I am so glad that someone shared it with me when our children were young that I want to attempt a quick summary of what I have learned so far.

Of the various resources I have learned from, there seems to be a general consensus that there are five ways that people most frequently "feel" loved. They are "acts of service", "quality time", "encouraging words", "physical touch" and "gift giving". If you stop for a moment and think about each of your children, as well as your spouse, you will probably find that what seems to mean the most to them in everyday life fits into one of those categories. That is the simple way of identifying a love language.

According to the Ezzo's, "Every day we choose to love and every day we choose not to love", emphasizing that if we have to reach out to our family in a way that is not natural to us, we are consciously choosing to love them as best as we can and in their "own language". Studies show that without making intentional effort, we will revert back to communicating in the language that is most comfortable to us, therefore only effectively reaching those that share in a common love language. The Ezzo's also teach that all children can receive and need to experience a combination of the five love languages for healthy development, but by the age of seven you will find that there is one language that speaks much more strongly to them (for our children we were pretty sure with each of them by the age of four and so far we have been right).

It is amazing to find that a child who feels loved through "gift giving" will feel very loved by receiving something as simple as a pencil or a pack of gum. With those who thrive on "quality time" a story on the couch or a walk with just one parent will keep their love tank filled for quite a while. An example of "physical touch" would be the child that needs to crawl up on your lap to refresh themselves after a hard day or the one that wants their back scratched till your hand tires. With "encouraging words" they will take a simple card or note and tuck it under their pillow to read, reread and reread again or listen with a beaming smile as you compliment them on a job well done. Finally, with "acts of service" this child will feel very treasured as you do something for them, as simple as fixing a toy or helping them clean their room.

As you can see from this list, all children (and adults) need to be shown love in all five languages - who of us wouldn't enjoy any of the these things? But as you express love to your children you need to watch for the response that shows you have connected with them deep inside - it seems to fuel them to want to be with you more and more. This is when you know you are speaking their "love language" and I believe, it is also the key to helping us as parents, hold onto their hearts. Not only with our children, but our husbands too - it is so important to know how they "feel" loved. Keep in mind it is often the opposite of how you as a wife and mother may feel treasured, so it does require a choice to do what you know they will receive from. This is why it is vital to understand the concept of Love Languages - if you are yelling "I LOVE YOU" to your children or spouse through your natural love language, but it isn't theirs, they may never know. But if you even whisper "I LOVE YOU" in their language you will reach a special place in their heart.

I hope this helps and creates an interest for more information - there are great books and tools out there. But most importantly, be attentive to discover the love language of each member in your family then be creative to express your love in a way that truly reaches the heart. God will give you the insight that you need - He is the Author of both our families and the languages of love.

I Corinthians 13:7&8 says "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."