Nothing to Give



There it was again -- RING, RING -- the sound made me cringe.  Why did the phone have to ring again?  Was it not enough that five children seemed to constantly clamour for their voices to be heard?  Did I really have anything left to give?  I felt the knot in my shoulder tighten a little more and I wished I could find a hideaway somewhere amidst the noise and activity, even for five minutes alone!  ALONE -- that word seemed to deride me.  It mocked my desperate emotions that wanted to escape the swirling moment I was in.

I was at the end of my rope -- a place that had the scent of familiar, accompanied with a foreboding sense that I would have to go there again.  God, please show me how to live gracefully in these places, because I feel my sanity may escape me.

 I had nothing left to give.

There was the problem.

And therein was the solution.

Both the crisis and the answer wrapped up in one thought - in one breath of exhaustion.  I knew better than to think I could live this life in my own strength.  How many times had I come to this place before remembering where I needed to turn?

"God," I whispered, "You said that when I am weak, YOU will be strong."

"God," I called, a little louder, "You said that apart from YOU, I can do nothing.  And it's true, I've proven it again."

"God, meet me in this moment," I begged, "Come show me show to live IN this liveliness, not just how to escape it.  Come and fill me with YOU ~ your love, your grace, your abundance ~ so that I can rise above the heaviness I feel."

And then it came . . . still, small words of life, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No (mom) can bear fruit by (herself); (she) must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."  (John 15:4) 

The phone rang again -- RING, RING -- this time the tone did not grate on me, but caused me to wonder who I would have the privilege of spending a moment with.  Maybe someone God was sending to encourage me.  One of my children came to me with a question -- I stopped and smiled into their eyes, and savoured the moment.  There was only one thing to do when I had nothing to give . . . go to the One who has everything I need!