A Fly on the Wall

     I put the book down beside me, frustrated that it sounded so easy for their family.  It was another "how to" book that promised to organize my world and change our family for the better.  Was there not something more out there?  I knew the answer to that -- it lay in the leather bound book beside my bed, but I longed for the model I could watch and imitate.

     "God, how do I do this parenting thing?  I feel like I need something I can touch and see." 

     I thought back to the beautiful, Christian families I had observed during my teen years, and wished I had paid more attention.  It looked so easy to raise kids when you weren't the one that was responsible for them . . . and now? 

     I looked over at my four year-old son and my two year-old daughter playing on the worn, brown carpet -- they were so happy and carefree, why couldn't I feel that way?  As I glanced down at my swollen belly, I realized it contained part of the answer . . . with another baby on the way, I knew the demands would continue to increase and I felt inadequate to handle the task at hand.

     If only I could be a fly on the wall in a home of a Christian family who knew what they were doing!

     That seemed to be my daily wish.  I would think about it while I vacuumed, while I cooked, while I was with my kids.  I had myself pretty well convinced that if I could be that "fly", I would know what to do, but the opportunities were hard to find.  Instead, I held fast to my daily time with the Lord -- praying and reading His Word -- unaware of how much He intended to do over time.  

     I wanted an instant fix; but God wanted change that would last.  

____________________

 (nine years later)

     I put the book down gently, grateful for the wisdom I had gained.  It was the same leather bound book I had wondered at years ago, but now I had learned the truth . . . as much as there are many wonderful books I can grow and learn from, there is only ONE that will change my life and fill me with the wisdom I crave.  It is God's Word.

     Now I have the perspicuous vantage point, that had I been given my wish of being a fly on a wall, I would not have understood God's desire for what He wanted my family to look like.  I would have tried to make my family into someone else's family, instead of the unique personality that God wanted to mold within our own family. 

     If only I could have rested in that knowledge nine years ago . . . that as long as I seek God for His wisdom and next steps in our lives and family, He continues to shape us into what He plans.  As long as I rest in His Word being the greatest source for all that I need, He will grow me to become more like Him.  There are still books outside of the Word, that I treasure for their wisdom, but even then, it is the ways that they point me back to God and His Word that I find the strength.

     Why would I want to become like someone else, when He has made available everything I need to keep growing in being more like Him?

"That your faith might not

rest on men's wisdom, but

on God's power."

I Corinthians 2:5