Old-Fashioned Communication

     I was sixteen.

     I knew it was wrong.

     But I did it anyway…I bought Cole’s Notes for a Shakespearean play I was supposed to read.

     I learned an important lesson that semester in English 101 – you miss the depth and richness that’s available to enjoy when you buy the “short version”. There was a lot I could have learned from ol’ William had I read the original text, but I cheated myself. I missed the author’s best and compromised with second-rate.

     We live in a Cole’s Notes world.

     Everything is the short version… the fast version… the instant version – we are missing the depths of real life!

     Surrounded by social networking, texting, email, voice messages and more; everything gets to us abbreviated. Sometimes my precious friendships even feel robbed of their potential when I only make time for a one-line update. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled with how many people I can stay connected with, but I don’t want it to be at the expense of those with whom I MUST stay connected.

     Short and sweet on a typed line with a friend, is an easy substitute for a real life discussion with my husband that is so needed.

     A quick text as a reminder may be more convenient, but it causes me to miss the sweet inflection of a voice I love to hear.

     A voice message is helpful in saving time, but I may never know that person needed prayer for something else today.

     How can we get off of Facebook and into a real book? How can we hear people’s stories in their entirety and not just the short versions? What do we need to do TODAY to be fully present where we are and embrace those we love?

     We live in a world of “get more done” and the communication conveniences we’re surrounded by are not about to disappear, but we can monitor them. We can choose to reach out for human contact even when there is an automated replacement available. And even more importantly, we can be sure to keep a magnifying glass focused in on the pulse of our most prized relationships.

“In your relationships with one another,

have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 2:5



The Hope

     Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like all you are accomplishing is just ruining your kids?  Do you ever feel like there must be someone -- ANYONE -- out there who could raise them better?  Do you ever feel like there isn't any hope?

     I have.  I have.  I have. 

     Some days I feel like a woodpecker that lives in our backyard . . . daily this confused creature hammers away at the lining of a trampoline pole.  You would think that it would realize there is nothing to show for it's efforts, but it just keeps doing the same thing over and over.  He works and works and yet sees no recompense.

     That is often how I feel at the end of a day -- like all of my efforts have yielded no reward.

     But we are not woodpeckers . . . we are moms!

     God knows that we are prone to face these doubts.  So every once in a while He allows a ray of bright, yellow sunshine to burst out from the dark, grey skies of parenthood -- and we see hope!

     Hope is the key to those sunny, blue sky moments -- that is what deflates the enemy's lies that we are ruining our children!

     These are the moments when God allows us a glimpse into the good seeds that are being fertilized and nurtured within our children.  Suddenly, ever so briefly, we realize, "Wow, maybe I am doing the right thing!  Maybe I am on the right path!" 

     Are you committed to, and do you love, your children?

     Are you asking for God to strengthen you for this task of parenting and give you the required wisdom?

     Are you remembering to seek your child's forgiveness when you do make mistakes?

     Then take heart, you are on the same journey . . . travelling the road that is more shaded than it is sunlit, more confusing than it is clear, BUT a journey we wouldn't want to trade for anything in the world!  Cling to God and the truth that burns strong in those moments of hope -- God is faithful!

"Let us hold unswervingly

to the HOPE we profess,

for He who promised

is faithful."

 Hebrews 10:23

Past Generations

     Past generations seemed to know well the secret of hard work.

     Our current generation seems to know well the secret of leisure.

     Remember the old poem . . .    

     Work while you work,
     Play while you play;
     One thing each time,
     That is the way.
     All that you do,
     Do with your might;
     Things done by halves
     Are not done right.
      (McGuffy Reader)

     I have noticed that when I am done my "work", the tendency is to sit back to enjoy "leisure".  My concern has become that I sometimes confuse "leisure" with "play".

     I like what William Bennett says about this idea, "The opposite of work is not leisure or play or having fun but idleness -- not investing ourselves in anything."

     I am challenged to be investing myself in my children when the work is done, not just putting my feet up and being idle.  These are the moments that are vanishing before our eyes -- may they not be wasted.

"Whatever you do,

work at it with all your heart."

Colossians 3:23

A Near-Tragic Reminder

"Our days on earth are like grass;

like wildflowers, we bloom and die."

Psalm 103:15

     Only yesterday evening, our vehicle moved along the highway with a seemingly constant dark cloud overhead -- both figuratively and literally.  The weather was dull and rainy, the kids were bickering in the back, my mood had grown miserable, and I'm sure my husband would have pushed an eject button for his seat had there been one.  Just one of those car rides that was lasting a little too long . . . and then it happened.

     As we crested the top of a hill on the four-lane highway, we all saw the scene before us simultaneously -- two cars had smashed only moments prior, debris was everywhere and no emergency vehicles were on the scene.  My husband quickly pulled our vehicle over beside a small, black, twisted car and said, "There's a baby in that one, hurry." 

     I jumped out and rushed to the driver's side to see what meager help I could offer, wishing I had more than standard first aid. 

     A moment in time when I felt my head try to prepare my heart for the worst.

     "HELP MY BABY!  HELP MY BABY!"   The cries that hit my ears were those of the frantic driver of the car.  Blood poured down her arm and glass covered her now-stained, pink sweatshirt.  She already had removed the baby from the car seat, so hoping I wouldn't make any pending injuries worse, I took the baby from her arms and grabbed paper towel to press against the woman's gash. 

     The baby screamed as I held onto her, but other than a few small shards of glass over her, she seemed alright.  The woman made some panicked phone calls on a cell phone as I tried to steady her with my free arm.  Within moments, a few police officers arrived and soon after two ambulances.  The attendants took the baby and whisked her and the woman away in the emergency vehicle.  The police officer asked us a few questions and suddenly we were free to go on our way.

     The problem is, how do you "go on your way" after witnessing something like that?  

     You just get in your car and drive away and pretend life is rosy?  Never!  I discovered that evening.  Our kids had witnessed the whole event from the safety of their car seats.  My husband had stood near watching for how he could help.  I had just held a baby whose life had been inches from tragedy.

     In that instant I learned that bickering is more trivial than I realized.  That life is more fragile than I had remembered. 

     As we drove away and prayed for those in the accident, one of my children said from the backseat, "If we had been there one minute earlier we might have seen what happened." 

     To which my older child responded, "No, we might have been what happened!"

     We let the soberness of that thought sink in for a moment and then processed the delicateness of life together.  How we need to treasure each other and every moment we are given, and be sure that we are keeping short accounts of wrong while extending generous amounts of grace.  And realize everything that we often take for granted can change in a heartbeat.

     I share this near-tragedy in hopes that it may be a reminder beyond the walls of our vehicle -- that the next time a fight erupts in the backseat, we make every moment and word count as if it could be our last ones . . . and couldn't that look different?

  "Mercy, peace and love

be yours in abundance."

Jude1:2

     

Monkey See...

     We all know how the expression goes . . . Monkey See, Monkey Do -- but as parents, do we see how our "monkeys" are learning from their surroundings?

     I ponder how easy it is for our children, young or old, to pick up a new bad habit, and yet how hard it is for our children to stop.

     One of our roles as parent, is to determine what is healthy, safe and spiritually beneficial for our children to be exposed to -- AND for the most part, we try really hard and do a good job.  But sometimes we forget the subtle ways that our "monkeys" see behaviour that we don't want them to duplicate until after they have begun to "do".

     I think of how easy it is to let our children just watch a movie, or just play a computer game, or just go outside with friends . . . and all of those activities, on their own, would not fall into the category of wrong or bad UNLESS we are not evaluating the events specifically.  I know, I can hear your voice right now, "But Kristen, it is so hard to evaluate EVERY movie, game and friend."

     I KNOW -- I have been at it for 14 years now!  But as much as I tire of this role and sometimes desperately feel the crushing need for a break at the sacrifice of what they may see, play or hear; I know I can't give up. 

     Many days I wish we lived in a culture less challenging than the one we do, but I am determined to keep going.  The cost of giving up is much too high.

     Does it mean we should all become legalists and make lots of rules and make our "monkey's" lives miserable? NO, but it might mean that we carefully nurture their hearts through our relationship with them by helping them see why some movies contain mouthiness or bad attitudes that we don't want to imitate.  Or it might mean that we show them that playing certain games can cause them to be more rough with their siblings.  Or it might even mean that certain friendships need to be limited in order to guard their own minds and mouths. 

     We must persevere in training our little ones and coaching our older ones. 

     When we are tired of battling the world for our children's hearts we CAN'T throw our arms up in the air in defeat!  We need to take a deep, fresh breath and gently help them see that our values come from God's Word and His best for us, not just some ideas of our own.  Although the day might seem very far away, I believe someday we'll hear their words of appreciation, if we don't give up!

"Let's not get tired of doing

what is good.  At just the right

time we will reap a harvest of

blessing IF we don't give up."

Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

Don't Count

     We love math!  Well, most of the time . . . but being a homeschooling family requires that most days hold lots of time for counting and multiplying, dividing and subtracting.  In fact, we never really outgrow math, do we?  As we get older we just find different applications for the same principles we learned when we were young.

     There is one area of my life that I believe God has shown me to stop using math in, and that is in the area of "counting" and effectiveness! 

     Don't you find we are surrounded by people, books and experiences that tell us we are only effective in this world if the numbers are significant?

     If we plan a birthday party, we think the number of people who come reflect popularity.  If we teach Sunday School, we want to know how many kids were in our class.  If we lead a Bible Study, we're tempted to feel we have accomplished more if there are larger numbers in attendance.  Even pastors often fall into the trap of evaluating their effectiveness on the number of people that show up on a Sunday morning. 

     We live in a society that is compelled to count!

     In the book of I Chronicles we are told that mighty king David was tempted by Satan to count the number of fighters that were in Israel.  When David gave the decree for the men to be counted, he acted in willful disobedience towards God and he was severely punished for it.  In fact, God gave him three choices for a consequence; three years of famine, three months of being swept away before his enemies, or three days of plague ravaging all of Israel.  Notice that all the options were wide-spread and would affect far more than just David who sinned in the counting of men.  In the end, he chose the plague and 70,000 men died -- huge ramifications for what seemed an insignificant decision.

     When we determine our effectiveness by "counting" numbers in the areas we're involved in, we are succumbing to using our ways to determine God's outcomes.   

     The point is not to live in fear of God striking down thousands of people -- the point is this:  Satan will tempt us to get our eyes off of what is truly important and valuable and try to put them onto things that are shallow with the world's ways of determining our effectiveness.  That is not God's method! 

     It's been said that, "We are not called to success, we are not called to failure; we are only called to obedience."

     If we spend our days wiping drippy, red noses and picking up dump trucks and dollies, we may not feel very "effective" most days . . . BUT God sees way beyond what we think is trivial and He calls us to invest in our sweet, little children.  May we NEVER be found "counting" our success in the simple accomplishments that we're surrounded by -- it may be years before the fruit of our lives shines -- but we can rest assured that nothing goes unnoticed by God.

"Those who obey His commands

live in Him, and He in them."

I John 3:24

Dark Whispers

     We look at those sticky, gooey faces of our children -- especially in the pictures after the mess has been cleaned up -- and we reflect on how much we love our kids.  In fact, if they are in bed asleep, we may even feel the extreme emotions that make our hearts feel like they will swell to the point of bursting. 

     Those are the moments we realize that no matter what it takes, we want the best for our children!

     There is only one problem . . . even though we want the best for our children and we know God wants the best for our children, there is someone out there who doesn't . . . the enemy.  The one who, the Bible says, "Prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (I Peter 5:8)  We are also told in God's Word that the enemy came to steal, kill and destroy -- BUT this should not cause us to feel afraid -- not for a minute.  God gave us this information so we would be alert and prepared to deal with the battle that exists around our lives, our homes and our children's lives.

     Have you noticed there are times when it seems you can watch the enemy at work in our children's lives?

     Our children can be skipping through the bright, green grass, swinging their outstretched arms and within moments their demeanor seems to change.  It may be a frown replaces their big grin, or a nasty comment slides out of their mouth, or even a cheerful conversation turns suddenly sour -- the enemy tries to steal those sweet times with his dark whispers.

     We've heard one of our children say, "I'm so stupid," and all he was doing was dangling his legs in the air, while seated on a tree branch.  Having NEVER heard those words before, we inquired why he would say such a thing.  His answer was simple -- "I was just sitting there and the thought came into my head."  That is a pretty innocent example, and I realize it is very subjective, but when you see things like that play out in various situations in the way our children's thoughts are affected and their thinking is obscured, it should make us sit up a little more vigilant.

     God, who loves us 100%, would not have gone to the effort of warning us over and over to be on guard against the enemy and his schemes if they were not a serious threat to ourselves and our children.  Yet that should not cause fear, it has to be seen as a problem with a solution.  So, what is the solution?

     Be alert - watch for where our kids are susceptible to the "dark whispers" of the enemy and strengthen their walls and fill in their cracks with our battle prayers, our encouraging words and our passionate love.  If there is a reoccurring lie that you see them battling, fight it with all you've got!

     Watch for the times the climate seems to shift at home and ask God to show us how to pray for our kids and process with our kids. 

     I remember one time we were driving to the library and I was at complete odds with one of our children but it didn't even make sense why -- it felt like their heart was a million miles away from me.  So I started to silently pray . . .
     God, I don't know what is going on in this child's heart, but you do.
     I know the enemy wants to tear apart our relationship but Your Word says that we are to be at peace with one another.
     I put on the full armour of God and take my stand against the devil's schemes.
     Lord Jesus, come into this place and change this situation.

     Do you know that afternoon trip to the library turned around 180 degrees? 

     It wasn't anything eloquent I said to my child or something fantastic I did, but God showed up in our day and destroyed the "dark whispers" with His might.  God's power blew away the cobwebs of confusion and darkness and brought His light.

     Don't let your children suffer with whispers that bring darkness -- not when God has given us all that we need to stand on their behalf and help them fight for truth and light.  Never give up -- we may be the only ones who are aware of the battle they are facing in their minds and if we don't fight on their behalf, who will?

"His divine power has given

us EVERYTHING we need

for life and godliness through

our knowledge of Him."

II Peter 1:3



Dying Hurts

     "Mom, can you come mark my math test?"

     "Mom, are you coming to check my room?"

     "Mom, when is supper?"

     The final question pushed me over my selfish edge and caused the eruption I had been trying hard to contain . . .
    
     Is it possible to hold in the lava of exasperation forever?  BUT did my children deserve to see me frustrated? 

     I'm humbled to say that I slammed down the computer mouse and stomped into the kitchen to finish supper.  All day--and I mean--ALL DAY, I felt like I'd been cast into the role of Cinderella, desperately trying to finish my tasks so that I could "go to the Ball".  The irony is that "my Ball" simply represented a few moments alone to finish a writing assignment, not exactly thrilling or magical, just important to me.  But no matter how I had served others and tried to get everything done, it hadn't been enough.

     The words of Jesus flashed through my mind -- I'm called to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him; although I'd been following in the meager offering of serving my family, I'd allowed the thought to creep in around my service that I DESERVED a break. 
    
     Oh, those dangerous thoughts that can be justified so easily!

     The ending of the story is better than the beginning -- I put supper on the table and took time to make things right with those I had hurt with my miserable attitude and seek the forgiveness of those I love. 

     Still, I despised the fact that I had "lost it" with them -- those sweet faces around the supper table -- the ones I love more than life itself.  That night I felt the weight of my selfishness.

     The greatest conviction always comes after the lights go out -- do you find that? 

     It's once the prayers are said, the love you forever words are shared, and the doors are closed that it feels the heaviest -- these are the times I run to God and pour out my desperate need for Him to change me inside.  Without Him I realize I am just a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal as it says in I Corinthians 13.

     The famous missionary, Amy Carmichael, is quoted for words that every mother can relate to, "Missionary life is simply a chance to die!"  Is that not the truth for us as mothers, too?  If we replace the words "missionary life" with "motherhood", it's the same truth . . .

     Motherhood is simply a chance to die!  Daily!

     This is the call -- this is what God asks of us as mothers, and nothing less.  There is only one problem -- DYING HURTS!  When we "signed up" for mothering, most of us thought we had a pretty good idea of what we were getting into, but did we really?  No, and it's a good thing.  But would you trade it for anything?  I hope that is also a resounding NO!

     This is not just a call -- this is the greatest call!  As mothers, we are called to die daily in the places where selfishness still reigns, in order that God may continue to develop in us a reflection of His glory.  This is no small privilege and likewise it is no small process.  So let's keep permitting God to work on the places that sting and pinch and hurt -- He is doing a great thing in US!

"He who began a good work

in YOU will carry it on to

completion until the day of
Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Big "LITTLE" Choices

     I would love to eat another cookie!

     Everything within me wants to "let loose" on my child in this moment!

     I want to give up -- there isn't any hope this will get better!

     Do any of the reflections above resonate in your weary being from time to time?  Are you amazed at how hard it seems to be to live out life well here on this green earth?  Don't you find it is easier to give in than press in?

     The older I grow, the more I realize it is the LITTLE choices that make the biggest impact in life!

     I desperately long to choose well in the small areas because I have come to see how greatly they impact the big areas of my life.  That, in turn, is like a row of dominoes standing tall -- one touch and many fall -- so similar to life as a mom.  Whether we like it or not, what we do and what we say is being carefully monitored and imitated every day!  No pressure.  Smile.

     As humans, we seem to quickly complicate the space we live in with big goals and high hopes and forget that it all stems from the small decisions that constantly glare at us.  While big goals aren't wrong, we have to bring everything down to the level of life where we daily dwell . . . moment by moment. 

     That is why a great big goal of losing twenty pounds has to be viewed through the LITTLE choices of whether to have one freshly-baked, warm chocolate brownie or whether to have three. 

     It is also why a great big goal of living on a budget of $"X" a month has to be viewed through the LITTLE choices of whether to buy one silky, bright shirt or whether to buy four.

     We are surrounded by choices every day and not all of them are right and wrong -- ultimately those are the easy ones -- it is the small ones that govern the big picture that need more value given to them.  Think about these comparatives:

• It's easier to turn on our TVs than to pick up our Bibles
• It's easier to give into frustration with a child than to keep our emotions in check
• It's easier to defend ourselves and blame others than to take responsibility for our own actions

     Why do LITTLE choices have to feel so arduous? 

     Because God is calling us to higher heights and greater depths, but we won't be ready to travel there until we have grown in self-discipline and self-control in the LITTLE things. 

     The Parable of the Talents found in Matthew 25 reminds me of these truths . . . Jesus told the story of three men who were all entrusted with talents, but in varying quantities.  When the Master returned, the concern on His heart was not who was the best, but whether they had been faithful with what they had been given.  Those who were found faithful even with little were given even more!

     A famous quote calls out - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, but I would challenge us to, in a way, sweat the small stuff and watch the big stuff get easier!  God is our ever-present help and as we press into Him, He will walk us through each moment with His strong arm to lean on.

"For everyone who has

will be given more, and he

will have an abundance."

Matthew 25:29