I Want My Own Way

    
      "I WANT IT!"

      "I WANT IT NOW!"

      "IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT TO ME,
        I'M GOING TO SCREAM!"

      I pushed my grocery cart quickly down the isle of the bustling store.  Already the red-faced mother had onlookers -- this was my feeble attempt for the mortified mother to retain a small portion of dignity.  I could imagine how she felt . . . five children later, my self-righteous notions of motherhood have been stripped away and replaced with the reality of children.

      “Can I get what I want?”  It is the question continually asked of every child.  They whine.  They snivel.  They moan.  They cry.  Whatever it takes to achieve the answer YES.

      I reflected back mere days ago, to a demand that came from one of my own . . . life deemed unfair by my daughter on the simple basis that she did not get what she wanted. What did I do?  Held my ground.

      Why?  Because a demanding toddler left uncontrolled becomes a more demanding older child. That leads to an impossible-to-please teenager, which in turn becomes the next generation of adults who always want their own way. This can lead to a complete breakdown in society.

      What if every child was always given every single thing they asked for?  Would there be any adults available in twenty-five years that would be willing to go out of their way for a friend or co-worker?  Unlikely.

      “But,” you say, “You don't know how hard it is when my child wants their own way!”  Yes, I do, but I also know what comes later if the same child continues to get whatever they want.

      The short-term sacrifice of a sobbing or screaming child, who is not pleased with a tough decision, is unequivocally worth the long-term gain of an adult who has plausible expectations of the world and those around them.

      Headlines are filled daily with people, companies, and governments taking what they want because they “threw a tantrum” long enough.  Business owners complain of the immense challenges in operations due to customers that only know what it is to “get their own way”.  It is a growing trend in our society and there is only one way to change it . . .

      Learn to be the parents that stand firm when their child demands, “I want my own way!”

“By standing firm you will gain life.” Luke 21:19 

Reward of the Wait

     Erect, tall and still; stood my five children, side by side. Their eyes searched the branches and scanned the skies. None of them dared to brush the wind-blown tufts of hair from their eyes, nor allow a whisper to escape their lips.

     Perfect repose.

     “Why won’t they come?” I could imagine their quiescent thoughts. Such unusual behavior, rarely exemplified by my boisterous crew, but their motivation was immense. The wait was the only way to discover if the reward would come.

     The greater the wait -- the greater the experience of the reward.

     I know this from years of patience in action, but they are still at the discovery stage of this reality. I reminisce back to the promise of each new baby and ponder how the nine months created intensity of reward beyond imagination. By the time each of my infants had entered the world, creamy-wet with lungs full of cries, my whole being was ready to love -- passionate and full!

     I want my children to encounter a taste of the truth I have learned from time -- the depths of God’s gifts are experienced when the pain of waiting is great. Reminiscent of David of old, who was desperately on the run from his enemies that threatened to take his very life, David spoke of the wait and the rescue, “I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit…He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalms 40:1-2)

     I ponder this for a moment – the words PATIENT and WAIT are twinned, never meant to be separated. Combined with HOPE, they create a trio of what God intends for each of us.

     Then we hear the noise for which we have waited.

     Chickadee-dee-dee. Chickadee-dee-dee.

     The sound rings of promise as it draws closer to where my five still remain steadfast at their posts, the seeds overflowing in their hands. It happens – the first tiny bird lands on the fingers of one of my indefatigable children. The corners of their mouth turn upward until it seems to split from the magnitude of the smile.

     We celebrate together in silence . . . aware of how easily this moment could be shattered. More birds come. The success of the first chickadee indicates to the others that it is a safe place, and they take turns with flits and swoops around our heads. Joy fills the air and we smile together. A magnificent memory is built from patience in waiting, and the joy of the reward.

"If we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it patiently.” Romans 8:25

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I paced the floor of our living room.  I felt like a caged lion.  The cold seemed to radiate from the outside, which further dampened the mood I was already comfortably settled into.  It didn't take long to find the name for the emotions I was drowning in -- worry. 

Worry; it meant I had taken the cares of my life from God's capable hands and put them back in my own hands . . . again.  Would I ever learn?  I asked myself.   Did I really think that my stewing over these items would make a positive difference?  Ultimately, worry meant I was focusing my thoughts on the enemy's lies for me, not God's truths.

I grabbed for my Bible and flipped to the passage I had read so many times.  "DO NOT be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything, by prayer and petitions, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, WILL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:6&7)  That was the missing link - the peace was not there.  I knew that as I read that passage I often stopped at that verse and failed to read on.  As my eyes stumbled ahead on the lines, I realized God was showing more of His battle plan.  How to fight against the emotions of worry that tumbled around my head like black flies in the springtime.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)

That was it, I thought, as the triumph moved from my head to my heart.  A smile broke across my face as the dawning came . . . all the things I had allowed my mind to focus on while I worried had nothing to do with God's checklist of things to think about.

Is it true?

Is it noble?

Is it right?

Is it pure?

Is it lovely?

Is it admirable?

Is it excellent?

Is it praiseworthy?

If I had to say NO to even one of those questions, then I was not following God's plan.  And there was another important truth buried here - by worrying I was choosing to sin.  To go against what God had required of me meant that I had to become a slave to the enemy of my God.

It came full circle in my mind - right back to one of my favourite verses - "We take captive EVERY thought and make it obedient to Christ."  (II Corinthians 10:5)  If I was to importune each thought to go through the security check as meticulously as if in front of a guard at the airport, I would be in far more peaceful place in my mind. 

"God," I cried out, "Help me not to worry, but to take captive each thought, and then to be happy in You!"  The peace came, the worry left and my thoughts focused on the lovely once more.  Always God's Word had the way I needed to go -- always.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Luke 12:25

Do I Have To?

"Awww, mommm, do I have to?"  The phrase rang out through the house and I felt my heart become heavy.  I had been forewarned that parenting wasn't easy, but exhausting?  No one had quite worded it that way.  The days run together and the divergence of them leaves me with my mouth gaped open some days.  The same child moves from, "Let me help you, Mommy" into "Why do I have to do that?", sometimes within moments.

Is there anything that can fully prepare one for the will of a child? 

Experience and God's truth are the two strongest allies that I have found.  I have learned better over time how to stand my ground like a soldier in battle -- somehow it can seem I need permission to stand up to my children and speak the awful "NO" word.  Culture and secular parenting resources attempt to seduce me into the lie that if I discipline my children in any way, other than delightful, I am ruining them for life.  Adam and Eve were tempted with fruit that promised more than it could offer, too. 

Clear instruction that God offers is not for the faint of heart.  When I am told to, "Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them" (Proverbs 19:18), I sense the urgency that is being communicated.  I have limited time to work with and although my goal is to be a loving, joy-filled mother, that does not exclude me training up my children in the way they should go.  Enough water has travelled under the bridge of my parenting experience to know that this means HARD WORK and SAD KIDS some days.

I have shared it before and I will share it again -- Our goal with our children is not happiness, it's holiness (quote from the Ezzos).  Some days I feel that I need to find a permanent marker and write that on the foreheads of my children.  I have to keep that in front of me!  I love my children, I believe as much as any mother could;  and training them, instructing them, calling them to obedience is no task for the faint-hearted. 

C.S. Lewis once said, "If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." 

Do I see how this applies to my parenting? I ask myself.  I grapple with the learned precision of a tight-rope walker, for that is what I feel I must become.  I know that I am called to be a mom, as it says in Galatians 5, who is full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (the fruits of the Spirit); but I am ever aware that I can't neglect the warnings that God has laid out for me.  I don't want the despair in the end. 

Peace and delight will come to my soul, IF I discipline my son or daughter (Proverbs 29:17). 

I am told not to withhold discipline because it saves my child from death (Proverbs 23:13).

The day closes and I am amazed -- each of my five take their turns with their heads nuzzled in close to mine -- they each share whispers of their own variations of committed love and appreciation.  After all that, they don't despise me?  NO, far more than that, somehow in God's incredible design, it is because of the discipline (when blended with love) not in spite of it, that there is rich, deep and secure love.

"The Lord disciplines those He loves."  Hebrews 12:6



Floating Laughter

The laughter was rich and lingering.  As it floated down the stairs and filled my ears, my heart somersaulted with pleasure.   Sounds of merriment and giggling -- our children lost in the enjoyment of being brothers and sisters.  They carried on for over an hour, and I couldn't bring myself to douse the fire of fun that was burning bright . . . not tonight.  This was the reward -- mine and theirs -- that comes from working through years of petty arguments and thoughtless words.   This was a glimpse into the future of a lifetime of camaraderie . . . a taste of the harvest after much travail in the fields of our family. 

My face relaxes into a contented smile as I reflect on some of the questions that have haunted my mind in the past.  Well-meaning acquaintances that have queried the why's of how we have chosen to "do" life in our home.  A smattering of challenges that have been posed to us, and yet, I realize for me, that . . .

Confidence has replaced question.

I no longer find it necessary to fret.  Do they have enough friendships?  Have they had enough "play dates"?  Are they too isolated?  Will they learn to socialize well if they are not segregated all day?

The answers are powerful and fresh for me.  Time, they say, is the teller of all truth -- I am pleased with what I hear it say . . .

Our children have learned how to frolic with the young and converse elegantly with the old.

They love others well, and they are comfortable with themselves.

Friendships can shift like sand; but investments made close to home are priceless.  Our children love each other deeply, and God says that will cover a multitude of problems.  When the day comes that Daddy and Mommy are gone, I am confident they will have a fortress of strength and love to under gird one another till their end. 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I Peter 4:8



Diamonds In the Snow



I travel back in time and remember.  My eyes are drawn to the sparkle on my finger and the thrill that had rushed through my being.  My own diamond . . . a ring from the one I loved, that spoke of a lifetime of promise.  The exquisite elegance of a gem prized above almost all others in existence.  Memories of dreams gone by flash through my mind and I recall the hopes of a young girl.  They had only begun to come true.

I rush back to the present, almost two decades later, and again I contemplate that same diamond on my hand . . . this time the coruscation of the stone divulges volumes more.  Gone is the idealism.  It has been replaced with the verity of time.  Reflections of years of plenty and the years of little.  Whispers of joys and trials -- commitments kept and disappointments experienced.  Babies, toddlers, a teenager. 

Nothing prior to a diamond can prepare for how much LIFE follows after.  That is the wonder and the struggle.  And there is still much unwritten.

Seasons of the diamond. 

I reflect on these things as I step outside into the brilliance of snow -- it seems to be alive all around me.  I squint quickly; the intensity of the sun is overwhelming.  The icy wind slaps my face.  I inhale and the frigid air burns my lungs, but I continue on, desperate to capture a moment with these diamonds of snow.  And I wonder to myself, How did it take this Northern girl part a lifetime to realize the reason for diamonds in the snow? 

I have finally become aware that their breath-taking elegance is only there to be enjoyed when the conditions have been extreme.  There are no diamonds to be relished in the snow after a cool or even mildly cold night -- the diamonds only appear in their wonder, when the temperatures have dropped harshly. 

The sacrifice that diamonds in the snow have to render, to earn their gleam, speaks to my heart.  It calls out in a soft, low voice and tells me similar value has come to the diamond on my hand.  God's words ripple through my thoughts, "Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless." (Daniel 11:35)   

True to God's nature; nothing is wasted.  He has used the trials to increase the radiance. 

I gaze once more at the diamonds in the snow before I escape from the cold and I know I have been given a glimpse of God's purposes for pain.  It is in this place of the embrace of the valleys, not in the retreat from them; that I have discovered the resplendence of my own diamond, still resting on my hand.

"We, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord."

II Corinthians 3:18

Nothing to Give



There it was again -- RING, RING -- the sound made me cringe.  Why did the phone have to ring again?  Was it not enough that five children seemed to constantly clamour for their voices to be heard?  Did I really have anything left to give?  I felt the knot in my shoulder tighten a little more and I wished I could find a hideaway somewhere amidst the noise and activity, even for five minutes alone!  ALONE -- that word seemed to deride me.  It mocked my desperate emotions that wanted to escape the swirling moment I was in.

I was at the end of my rope -- a place that had the scent of familiar, accompanied with a foreboding sense that I would have to go there again.  God, please show me how to live gracefully in these places, because I feel my sanity may escape me.

 I had nothing left to give.

There was the problem.

And therein was the solution.

Both the crisis and the answer wrapped up in one thought - in one breath of exhaustion.  I knew better than to think I could live this life in my own strength.  How many times had I come to this place before remembering where I needed to turn?

"God," I whispered, "You said that when I am weak, YOU will be strong."

"God," I called, a little louder, "You said that apart from YOU, I can do nothing.  And it's true, I've proven it again."

"God, meet me in this moment," I begged, "Come show me show to live IN this liveliness, not just how to escape it.  Come and fill me with YOU ~ your love, your grace, your abundance ~ so that I can rise above the heaviness I feel."

And then it came . . . still, small words of life, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No (mom) can bear fruit by (herself); (she) must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."  (John 15:4) 

The phone rang again -- RING, RING -- this time the tone did not grate on me, but caused me to wonder who I would have the privilege of spending a moment with.  Maybe someone God was sending to encourage me.  One of my children came to me with a question -- I stopped and smiled into their eyes, and savoured the moment.  There was only one thing to do when I had nothing to give . . . go to the One who has everything I need!

Embracing Toil

The sun is streaming into the kitchen and I am desperate for the glow it brings to the room.  I am longing to feel the rays of warmth rest on my being today.  I have become alerted to a conflict in my mind and the light begins to draw me away from the allure of the dark whisper of the world -- the one that says, It's all about you. 

I stop. 

I know that voice, and it does not speak the truth.  I take that deadly cogitation and seal it off.  I stop the lie and replace it with what is right.  The truth that Jesus said, "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve."  Truth, the only thing that can set me free to soar in this life I have.  The only way that I can escape the pull to focus on myself.

Already in this day, delusions have appeared before my eyes.  The cream coloured shampoo bottle called out with its advertising on the label, "This is what is in it for you!"  The Portbello mushroom packaging states, "Triple washed, so you don't have to."  They are subtleties, but they are real.  Combined with so many other unnoticed intimations, I feel the pull towards wondering, How easy can I make it for myself?  The perpetual gravity that entices me to leave hard work and look for the easy way out; I don't want to stay there.

I decide to raise my sword against the temptation of laziness, and embrace toil -- I do something simple, but profound -- I fill the sink with hot, soapy water.

I plunge my hands into the hot, bubbly liquid and the lavender scent fills my senses.  I begin to attack the pile of soiled dishes that are stacked beside me, and as I watch the steam rise from the sink, I think about the WHY of this task.  That even though I am two feet away from a fully functioning dishwasher, I am reminding myself of something important - God called me to serve, just as He served.  I intentionally slow down and savour the work, not because there isn't a mountain of other things waiting for my attention,there is, but because I want to stretch myself with the chore at hand.

As just for now, I deny the luxury of a machine that could lift this basic burden from me, I ponder.  I know the weaknesses that rest inside of me.  I feel the vortex that threatens to suck me into selfishness.  So I fight...to overcome the temptation... to remember I am capable...and to turn from the desire of the easy road. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  Colossians 3:23

Surrendering Perfectionism

I stared, slightly unbelieving, at the bathroom sinks; waited only a moment, and then attacked them with vigorous swirls of scouring.  How could it be possible that what I had left burnished mere hours before, was covered in dried, pitiful residue?  Residue of what I would rather stay oblivious to.  Then, as I stepped into the next room, where I had aggressively vacuumed only that morning, I discovered a child's fragments of abandoned craft materials...pieces that were too small for her to pick up with her fingers.  I become aware that my heart sinks, more than it should...I become aware again of the pull of perfectionism.

Being somewhat of a perfectionist wife, pre-kids, was quite achievable -- being a perfectionist with five children, two birds and a dog underfoot, is inconceivable!

Daily, as I wake to the bustle that comes from seven of us living 24/7 under one roof, I am reminded of God's priorities for my life.  The constant stretch away from my preferences, is like an elastic band forcibly pulled to its limits.  I feel as if I am pulled far away from what I would naturally choose, and yet I feel God's soft whisper say, You are becoming more of what I want you to be because of this disorder, not in spite of it!

As I take time in God's presence reading His Word each morning, I am still surrounded by limitless activity, but there is a change.  I find I no longer wait for everything to be just so, but I plunge into time with God amidst the commotion.  I have learned that this is the only place I will find the resources I need to face the challenges that will appear in my day...

"Mommm, the dog threw up on the floor again!"

"Mommm, guess who coloured on the wall?!"

"Mommm, she won't give it back to me!"

The chaos that descends is like a tornado on a prairie field, but I feel it is really part of the call to motherhood.  You know what I am talking about, don't you?  You live in that house too!  These are the places -- the extraordinary, awe-inspiring, cray places -- that we call home. 

On the very first day I held that luscious-smelling, howling, exquisite newborn in my arms, I knew God was calling me to more than I had ever known.  The greatest gift God could give me, in the form of children, came with a call.  A grand call... 

The call was to surrender perfectionism over to Him.

The truth is really that God was probably calling me to give perfectionism over long before then, but I had not heard Him over the silence.  It took the noise, the upside-down life, for Him to get my undivided attention.  Each year, I become more cognitive of the fact that this life is not my own.  I was bought with a price -- you were bought with a price -- we are called daily to lay down our desires, pick up our cross, and find real life...beyond the boundaries of perfectionism.

"If you want to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." ~ Jesus, as found in Luke 9:23-24

Castles of Relationship

 

I pushed hard!  I knew in that moment I was pushing harder than what was required for such a simple task, but there seemed to be a greater task being accomplished at the same time.  My outward exertion was only required to adhere a recent picture in place, but the inward exertion represented far more.  I paused and gazed at what was before my eyes, then I glanced inward to my heart, attempting to discover the root of the emotions that were swirling inside me.  As I stood in that moment, I felt like a weary, run down car being attached to a diagnostic machine, breathlessly waiting for the printed report of what was out of order.  Only seconds later gave me the answer I was waiting for...time was speeding by like a runaway train and I couldn't keep up.  As I studied the picture of my child, I noticed it was of a recent moment that seemed perfectly captured in that shot, but beside it was the core of the problem - another picture.  To someone from the outside, it was just a second picture taken a few years prior, but to me it represented the why of my upside down heart...there was too much change happening way too fast, multiplied times five precious children.

I paused in the room and listened to the ticking of the clock...TICK, TICK...seconds passing quickly that I could never recapture.  I thought of the albums upon albums I have safely stored and displayed throughout our home...the only material treasures of any real value.  Hundreds of perfect moments, but sometimes they make me afraid.  Afraid that someday I will look back with regrets.  Afraid that someday I will sit in my empty house with thousands of pictures to keep me company but my children gone.  This is it, I remind myself, this is the only chance I get to live out this amazing role of mothering well, and it is going too fast.  Then, as rapidly as those thoughts tumbled in, a new thought came.  One I believe God dropped from heaven right into my heart, with a two-fold purpose; first to comfort me and second to bring the perspective I needed.  The thought was simply this:  No, this is not all I have, because even if everything else is taken from me, I have you, Lord.  And once these precious, fleeting moments have come and gone, I have more than pictures and memories - I have relationship! 

It is in the here and now, in the craziness of life flying by so fast, that everything I do - each and every day - is really about relationship!  In each brief, fleeting moment, I am choosing to either build on the foundation of future relationship with my husband and my children or I am somehow tearing away a piece of that very same building.  It is as if I am creating a castle of friendship with my loved ones.  And every moment that I pause to listen to a story, or kiss a finger, or admire a drawing, or listen to a broken heart, or patiently settle an argument; I am laying another beautiful slab of marble in the castle.  But the inverse is also true, and I see this more clearly than I like.  When I raise my voice in frustration, or complain about the noise around me, or scowl instead of smile; I am aware that I am putting a crack in one of those beautiful pieces of marble that has been laid.

Thankfully, because of Jesus - who called Himself the Cornerstone - there is hope.  I know that He is the only one who knows how to mend the marble when it cracks.  He is the only one who knows what our castle needs to be strong and keep the enemy out.  He is truly the only hope I have.  So I say...

Come, Lord Jesus, Come. 

Come heal the cracks in our castle.  Come make right the places I have made wrong.  Come pour out your grace on our lives and build our castle strong, with You as the Cornerstone of it all.

 

"Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow.

Part your heavens, O Lord, and come down."

Psalm 144:4&5

 

Can't I Linger Longer?

The alarm clock shatters the silence of the early morning stillness and I stretch out in the dark to cease the unwelcome vociferation.  In my head, I overhear the same familiar thoughts that seem to haunt me each morning...Just take a few more minutes of rest, don't you think you deserve it?  It is so snug and pleasant, maybe if you linger just a short time, it won't make a difference.  Oh, but it will!  I only need remind myself of the days gone by when I have chosen additional respite, and then the memories of the ramifications flow like a raging river.  No, I tell myself, the few minutes of resting here will be regretted far into the afternoon if I choose to be so selfish. It is time to get up!

The calling of responsibilities, it seems, will forever be at war with the fleshly side of who I am...the mom, who when nestled in her ivory fleece sheets, feels more like a cat curled in the sunshine, than the one in charge of a household of seven.  I, the one who loves order as much as a general in the army, must remind myself that one portion of routine cannot be savoured if I have not followed through with the earlier portion of self-discipline.  And so, it is out of bed I find myself, without granting permission for "snooze" to be touched, and into the shower to begin my day.

As I work a thick lather of sweet-smelling soap into my hair, I ponder again those words of old...yes, God grants sleep to those He loves (Psalm 127), but strange, nowhere in the Bible does He take time to tell me to get enough sleep.  He seems to know that I am prone to favour the snare of laziness.  Is it not safe to conclude that my Creator knew I would gravitate to sleep like a fly to butter, and it is I who am in need of the cautioning verses like Proverbs 19:15?  In the Message it words it well by saying, "Life collapses on the loafers; lazybones go hungry."  And as much as I might wince when I hear of the woman from Proverbs 31, I have to give her credit - her lights were on late into the evening and she was up before sunrise...I am seeing the similarities of our lives.

My thoughts are suspended as there is a "POUND, POUND" at the door of the bathroom.  I hear the elevated voice of my child, trying to be heard above the flow of water, "Are we having toast and honey today?"  Do their stomachs really groan of hunger so early in the morning, or is it just a guise to burst the bubble of tranquility that their mother had been savouring?  Either way, the time has come to end the enticing flow of hot water over my skin, and I step out of the shower and into the day that awaits me. 

By the time I am standing at the breakfast counter, across from five of the sweetest faces I will ever gaze upon, I am reminded of the reason I rose with the clock, and not with my fleshly choosing.  It was in order that I might relish the delicate rhythms of routine and order that come with life in a timely manner, as opposed to struggling through the rush and tension that would be bearing down on us all, IF mommy had chosen to linger longer.

"Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; Open your eyes and you will be satisfied with bread (toast and honey maybe?)." Proverbs 20 :13

The Steam of the Stove

As I leaned into the heat of stove, I could feel my shoulders slumped over from the weight of the day.  The steam on my face, from the pot I was stirring, reminded me of the feelings I was fighting inside.  There was no question - this had been an arduous day for this mother's heart.  I recognized the symptoms that were flashing "overwhelmed" in my head, and I wondered if I even had the strength to finish the day.  As I sighed, I took a moment trying to evaluate where the greatest pressures were coming from, and I quickly realized the answer that I had been fearful of...EVERYWHERE. 

I lingered over my post at the stove longer than what was required, in an desperate effort to regain composure that would allow me to enter back into the world of life that was raging behind me.  The ring of the phone seemed like the emergency sound from a fire truck, the bickering of the kids imitated the kerfuffle of a barnyard, and the house, well it was reminiscent of a tornado having recently passed through.  While surveying the damage, I asked myself, How did life get so out of control?  Where did I go wrong?  I quickly heard the answer - I didn't go wrong, this is life at its fullest.  Real life, not ideal life!  If given the choice of this or silence, in my deepest of hearts I would CHOOSE this, chaos and all!

The next step was harder; knowing this was the life I wanted and needed to embrace, I still had to find the resources that were required to finish out the day.  Not just to merely survive, but to do it well.  Again, I found my heart staring at a fork in the road - two choices of where the strength was going to come from. Was I going to reach inside myself to where I was dry and empty or was I going to reach up to where my Father God was ready with His unlimited supply of strength? 

I CHOSE to reach up. 

God, I sighed, I need the resources for strength that comes only from You.  Fill me fresh and show me how to love my children in the midst of the confusion I now face.

I would love to tell you that lightening flashed and everything was made perfect, but that would not be true.  Slowly my heart quieted and my joy was restored.  The sun began to break through the heavy clouds in our home, and God proved true to His Word again.  I am so thankful that these are the promises He has given us to draw on, claim, and live out in our homes...may we be encouraged to press on!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29